how have you been strong?

[sick of it]

Lets try something different. We always focus on how bad we've been. "I broke NC, Im still in love, I cant get angry...." We all talk about the stupid weak things weve done/do. all tht does is reinforce the pain and anguish. lets make a list of how we've been strong about it. Thank about it and im sure you can see the steps youre taking to recover. some lists we bill longer tan others as they have been going through this for a long time. try it and just blike we will look back at the stupid things weve done and say "wow, i cant believe i did that," we can all reference it and say "wow, i cant believe i have/ had the strength to do that" on those bad days.

If it was a big deal to you and it was hard for you to do...it belongs on the list. some of these may some simple....but if you remember, it was hard for you to do it at the time and shows you the resolve you decided to employ to get better and thats the key to recovery...to want it.

 

 

I stopped calling her.

i stopped catering to the need to hear her voice.

i stop going to the myspaces and facebooks, and AIM profiles to see how/ what shes doing.

i stopped asking about her

i stopped begging.

i stopped showing her how much i care for her.

i stopped showing her how much i love her.

i stopped involving her in my life.

i stopped trying to be in hers.

i stopped respnding to calls.

i stopped putting her feelings and needs in front of my own, despite how it made me feel at the time.

I never resorted to bad mouthing

i never said harsh things or was mean to her.

i stopped bringing it up with my friends

i decided to look better

i lost 70 lbs

i didnt let it stop me from going to grad school

ive faced my fear of being alone

i didnt leapfrog into a new relationship because i just wanted to feel loved.

i haven had any desperation hookups because i feel bad for myself.

I didnt give up on the relationship. i didnt run away and leave her to deal.

i did everything i could have done

i went through hell and came back alive and will be ready to do the journey again.

[riobikini]

I chose to focus on the quality of my life -with or without the relationship- and came to a realization that my life had to encompass responsibility to myself in order to offer any value or quality to others...my priority was my two young daughters.

 

I drew on past experiences with the issue of loss of a person/relationship and relied on what I knew has worked many times, i.e. knowing that there were stages to go through in healing the hurt helped me tremendously in reaching for another day.

 

Helping others who were experiencing the same (or worse) also was a factor. I am made of strange material, I'm afraid, -I cannot seem to 'waste' what I am going through just on myself, i.e. I am driven to take my experiences , and with what I have learned from the past, as well as the current situation, use them to help in the healing of others.

 

So, four of the main factors in healing from any 'life problem', for me, has been:

 

#1) faith and knowledge from past experiences that things will surely improve with time and effort

 

#2) my responsibility to remain stable and 'get past it' to continue being what my family needs out of me

 

#3) my own built-in unwillingness to allow anything to 'own' me or hold me captive in any way, and

 

#4) becoming a source of help and strength to someone else.

 

-Rio

[bendit]

Sick of it, healing from this life event is not a straight line journey. Its one where we get SMARTER as we go along because we give ourselves a lot of learning moments. We all do. And what I see is someone in you who kept learning as the healing process went along, refined his approach, and is coming out the other side BETTER. You are strong and you did IT. Congrads.

 

regards

[luvtoto]

I used to feel lonely when my BF wouldn't spend time with me. We've known each other for 3 years..on and off again. Real wishy-washy relationship.

 

Well, instead of getting down when *his* life gets too busy for me, I have decided to stay strong and not let him see me sweat this time. He hasn't been checking in on me like he usually does.

 

So...I am not gonna focus on him, I am going fishing today with my daughter, son, my daughter's bestfriend and his dad (who is single!).

 

When & if my BF calls me finally... I'll tell him,"Well, if you would have called to make plans, we could have done something, but I'm not gonna feel sorry for myself anymore about your busy schedule."

 

If you snooze, you lose!

[jerbear]

For me, it is to refocus on something else.

 

1. Learn something new, swiming, swing dancing, samba, salsa, foxtrot, etc...
   
2. Buy something for a goal being reached.
   
3. Take a vacation to not be found, break the cycle from normal day to day life.
   
4. From my courses, I have learned that influence and control can be used in different and subtle ways. I just haven't learned some of them. Now I'm better at finding those who are trying to influence me in a negative way.
   
5. Walk away from the problem
   
6. Break BAD old habits.
   

[CaliGuy]

I stopped calling her.

i stopped catering to the need to hear her voice.

i stop going to the myspaces and facebooks, and AIM profiles to see how/ what shes doing.

i stopped asking about her

i stopped begging.

i stopped showing her how much i care for her.

i stopped showing her how much i love her.

i stopped involving her in my life.

i stopped trying to be in hers.

i stopped respnding to calls.

i stopped putting her feelings and needs in front of my own, despite how it made me feel at the time.

I never resorted to bad mouthing

i never said harsh things or was mean to her.

i stopped bringing it up with my friends

i decided to look better

i lost 70 lbs

i didnt let it stop me from going to grad school

ive faced my fear of being alone

i didnt leapfrog into a new relationship because i just wanted to feel loved.

i haven had any desperation hookups because i feel bad for myself.

I didnt give up on the relationship. i didnt run away and leave her to deal.

i did everything i could have done

i went through hell and came back alive and will be ready to do the journey again.

 

That's pretty much me in a nutshell

[Sand&Water]

sick_of_it

 

Great progress !! I suggest you keep on track, and remember that now you've become a stronger man, inspite of what happened.

 

i lost 70 lbs

 

i went through hell and came back alive and will be ready to do the journey again.

 

Congrats on the weight loss !!

 

Caliguy: Did you lose 70 lbs too?