lightsrange Posted April 13, 2006 Share Posted April 13, 2006 I'll try to make the background brief. I've known "Paul" for 13 years, we've been close friends. We've been dating for 11 months. He's going through a divorce (please don't criticize me for being w/a married man) and has a 2-year old daughter. He spends quite a bit of time w/his daughter, which I encourage. We've fallen deeply in love w/eachother. Okay, what's happening and why I'm here: Two weeks ago we learned that his "ex" may have breast cancer. The following week it was confirmed, on my birthday. He said things are changed and I've only seen him once, briefly, since then. During the few moments that we've talked he's expressed that nothing has changed between us but he must take care of his family. I support him completely with taking care of his daughter, but I constantly have a problem with is that I forget that he wants to be with me (we've talked maybe 10 minutes since he left me, we used to talk all the time on the phone). I have physical/health problems, family health issues, work issues. Nothing is stable in my life and I'm feeling as if I'm about to loose it. This isn't all about my boyfriend, but the issue I'm addressing here is. Am I unreasonable to want him to call me or miss him? Should I just tell him we're through? I want him to come back to me but I'm afraid he won't. Anyone have advise for this terrified woman who is seriously depressed and trying to cope with loving a man? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted April 14, 2006 Share Posted April 14, 2006 I realize what you are going through and i understand it must be hard on all parties involved...for that I am sorry. I really think you should cut the ties with "Paul", and let him do what he has to do for his family(daughter)....As sad as it may be and as hard it willbe his wife at this point is going to be a big part of his life....As she under goes treatment and sickness along with the tiredness of the disease, he will be the primary caregiver to his daughter. Not taking her mother's place but he will be covering a lot of what mom has done for her. As time goes on there will be light shed on the situation and maybe there will be more connection with this man...but i think you need to be the one to say "do what you have to do, and know that I will be here for you if you need me." and try to understand his situation.... Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted April 14, 2006 Share Posted April 14, 2006 This is a tough situation -- on the one hand, he was married to this woman, has children with her, and he married her for a reason...at one point, he loved her. And his children are probably in a sad state right now, too, and are really needing him. My father was recently diagnosed with lung cancer and I've been a total mess. If you feel that this extra stress is too much for you you are totally within your rights to withdraw. I would save the big definitive decision making for when things are more stable, in BOTH your lives. Tragedy, illness, and divorce are HUGE life changing events and it can take time to readjust. This guy's been ping-ponged through a lot of different emotions. He is probably really confused right now. You need to attend to yourself. Are you seeing anyone about your own health issues and depression? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts