a guys perspective...but ladies welcome to input

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Anyways i thought i would also post here and try to get a guys insight into the situation as it may help me settle in a place where i can move on, because i am feeling a bit stuck...

 

About three months ago my b/f of about 6 months broke up with me. To say i was devastated was an understatement. I don't think i have ever sunk into a depression so low. I tend to be the kind of person who takes breakups pretty hard but wowza. I even sought counselling for the first time ever. I am definetely doing better now (its been a little over a month since the meltdown) but still having trouble being able to totally move on.

 

When we met in the beginning he definetely pursued me. called me quite a bit and all that. I was a bit cautious (and infact liked another guy too) and tried not to get too wrapped up. About a month in we went out to a club together and his ex was there. (she broke up w/ him b/c she was moving away this past feb...they had planned a trip together which he took a semester off school to save for...detail i will return to) Anyways, i'm not a jealous girl at all when it comes to exes but he started acting a bit weird. So next day i asked him if he was over her/had dealt with all the issues and he said yes. I said BE SURE b/c i don't want to hear months from now if things go good that you're not ready. he said he liked me and not to worry he was over it, it was just weird and awkward to see her. Left it at that.

 

Things were great for a while. we spent lots of time together. then after a few weeks he starts to act funny..hard to explain just a sense...for about a week. Then one night out of the blue he says he is not happy. we talk and almost brokeup but didn't. By end of the nite he says he wishes i could stay the nite..and i figure its all good. I go home....he doesn't call for a week and i'm FREAKIN OUT. he had at one pointt mentioned taking a week but i thought that by end of convo it didn't appy anymore since he asked me to stay the nite.

 

Week later we see eachother and he apologizes and says that some of the things he said the week earlier weren't true. that he liked me and still wanted to date. he confessed he had thought about breakin it off, when i asked why he said it was b/c he felt he didn't deserve me...but then he realized he could work to deserve me.

 

Of course after this i was a bit insecure...i mean he almost ended it and then didn't, pretty hard to not feel it a bit. He never really made an attempt to give a little extra reassurance to calm these nerves. i mean a "your a great gal" once in a while would have been enough.

 

Anyways during this time i am the best g/f on the face of the earth and i truly mean that. i am in a full course load yet i help him w/ work troubles, edited a school paper he was writing, picked up his sisters from work, always made sure to ask about important events in his life. I am kinda like this w/ everyone in my life, a real giver. If i can help i just do, and i like that about myself. So it wasn't crazy over the top but i definetly made sure he felt appreciated.

 

Still it seemed he could always find fault. he said and did a few mean things. Examples include throwing a painful confesssion about a past ex who hurt me in my face (unprevoked) although he did apologize profusely after wards. It seemed when i was ever upset or told him something bothered me it was twisted into me being unreasonable. i always tried to at least validate his feelings when he was upset. he picked at my driving a bit, and he also when i asked for help burning a CD said "Wow i thought you were more technologically savvy than that"..ouch..i never did this when he asked for help.

 

There was also a few more ex-g/f incidents. At one point she sent him an email saying that maybe they shouldn't talk anymore (they stayed friends after breakup and b4 he dated me..i was ok w/ that...not my place to say) and then his memory could fade of her. he was pissed that she would assume these things and wanted to meet her to put her in her place. I was a little confused why he cared so much. i asked if she wasn't moving if it would change anything. he said i don't know, i got upset and then he said he didn't mean it like that...it wouldn't ever change things b/w us. i thought maybe i misinterpreted..and let it go.

 

So towards close to the breakup it seemed as though we would see eachother but i had to make the effort to make the plans and work entirely around him. i would get three busys before he would say yes and then when he did say he was busy he would never throw out alternate day. the problem wasn't amount of time but that i felt i was making all the effort. When i would tell him this he would say that i shouldn't be so sensitive. that i was making him feel like he could only have his own time at the price of having to schedule alternate day with me. i never had problem w/ him spending time w/ his friends ever, if infact i think its necessary to have lives of your own.

 

Week before breakup we had a long talk and it felt like we had finally worked out this little time issue. He said to have faith that he would make time for me and just give him the space to do it. i said ok and he said he would try to not make me feel so unimportant because i was important. The next week things were great. he called way more than i expected and i only called to return calls. We saw eachtoher a reasonable amount of times and it seemed to be improving. When he was busy i would be very understanding and wish him a good time. He went skiing 2 days before the breakup and when he got in he called me before he even took his coat off to tell me about it.

 

Then the day in question....he went for coffee with the ex the day he broke up w/ me. I know they didn't get back together (b/c she is now gone) but i still think something there caused breakup w/ me even though he claims no. That day he asked if i wanted to hang out and i said sure he picked me up and he asked what we should do and we decided on coffee. Drive there we just chatted whats been going on, etc etc...very comfortable again no strange awkward sense. Then we get to coffee and the conversation turns forboding. he asks why i am with him and i can tell that i didn't like where it was going. he breaks up with me. we talk for hrs and he basically gives reason of "relationships are not a priority in my life right now, i need to be alone". WTF??? he even admits that the last week has been great but good or bad he doesn't want a relationship.

 

I lost it after the breakup...i was so mad, why did he wait 6mos to say it when ther was at least 2 opportunities early on to say it!!!!! i didn't go to NC b/c i am a fool and kept pressuring him. He has given reason from initial one to "we just didn't match personality wise . We never really fought and seemed to be on same level intellectually and had a good time when we hung out. no major moral disagreements. Guys are those little things quirks really deal breakers? or is that not the real reason? How can he just give up on someone who gave so much more than they ever asked in return? Why was it so hard to just get a little reassurance once in a while and make a few plans with me?

 

Did he break up b/c not over ex? is he just afraid of commitment? or is it me and our personalities? How can you go from saying that what we have is good and that the few little things aren't worth throwing away the relationship to breaking up with someone a week later?

 

Another thing is how do you let go. if it is commitment fear how do you not hold onto hope? Will he realize he made a mistake one day?

 

well thats it, i think thats all i have. please help me out and tell me what went wrong. is it me? is it him? what do i do to move on?