xxbaddgurl83xx Posted November 7, 2005 Share Posted November 7, 2005 My ex boyfriend and I have been broken up for almost a month now. We were in a relationship together for almost 3 years but these past few months our relationship has been very rocky. We both mutually decided that breaking up was our best option right now so we can both focus on our own individual issues. We have decided to remain friends which has surprisingly been pretty easy. However I feel like I am falling into that "psycho ex-girlfriend" mode and I don't like it whatsoever. Since him and I have broken up he has been hanging out with his friend Erica every weekend. She is a lesbian and has no desire to guys at all but for some reason I get so jealous every time he tells me that they are hanging out. I think I just feel like she is taking my place. I'm not afraid of the sexual aspect of their friendship because I know there isn't any sexual tension between either one of them, I'm more so afraid of the emotional aspect of their friendship. It bothers me because he is doing things with her that he use to do with me. I am glad that he has a friend that he can talk to and hang out with so I don't understand why I am getting so jealous about it. I hang out with my friends on the weekends so why should it be a problem if he hangs out with her? I should be glad that he is hanging out with her instead of a girl that he could possibly sleep with, so why am I so paranoid of their friendship? We aren't together so it shouldn't bother me but it does. I'm driving myself crazy over this. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 7, 2005 Share Posted November 7, 2005 We have decided to remain friends which has surprisingly been pretty easy. However I feel like I am falling into that "psycho ex-girlfriend" mode and I don't like it whatsoever. When 'friends' causes more problems than solutions, its time to end the friendship or at the very least put it behind you temporarily until you can resolve those issues that you have that prevent you from being genuinely friends. It sounds like 'friends' in the context of this guy to you is more about leftover emotional relationship needs (closeness, having a confidant who knows you really well and shares intimate things with you, etc), and having those needs fulfilled, however minimally, in some way rather than having the friendship out of a mutual decision to spend time with, and have fun with someone, without those feelings of abandonment. The reason the sexual part doesn't bother you is because you know on some level there is no threat of that. I expect if this girl wasn't a lesbian - then you would percieve a greater threat there (even if it is imagined). If you feel threatened by other friends, then the problems lies within the area of emotions you still have for him that make you feel threatened. Even though you are broken up, your heart still has a lot of emotional investment there - and even though you are now just 'friends' you can still be comforted in knowing that there is still at least some emotional connection there. That is what you are afraid of losing - you are afraid that he will end even that, and transfer that closeness to someone else. To put it bluntly: you aren't really over him yet - you may be in some ways, but not in others. Friends is partly an excuse to prolong and preserve unresolved emotions that you have for him. If he were to get a girlfriend, how would that make you feel? That will shed a good deal of light on the motivations for your friendship. I hang out with my friends on the weekends so why should it be a problem if he hangs out with her? I should be glad that he is hanging out with her instead of a girl that he could possibly sleep with, so why am I so paranoid of their friendship? Because you know that you aren't going to lose your connection by hanging out with other people, but you can't know that about him. Link to post Share on other sites
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