HURTANDCONFUSED81 Posted August 31, 2005 Share Posted August 31, 2005 I just got out of a 2 year relationship...I was emotionally abusive/verbally abusive to my bf and I regret it. He on the other hand, was very passive and never stood up for me..kind of lazy so it was mutually NOT WORKING. But then after he got a job finally, he came back and told me he dindt love me and didnt think I was right for him. I cried and apologized..I sincerely wanted a second chance. He tells me - "I believe in second chances, but Id be lying if I say we could have a second chance" Was he saying these things because he has been hurting and we were just fighting too much? or did he mean it? He wants to focus on his career and no longer be lazy. My question is this- Is it easier for guys to dump the girl and mean it..never come back. Or is it harder for women? I am currently doing the NC rule and I feel stronger by day. I know we both made mistakes and it was actually good he said it to me so harshly..probably the only way for me to realize hey we arent working out and just going in circles. now I finally have realized why he's asked for space and why right now is the perfect time to have space. For once..I am goign to give him what he wants- no contact . Im done pursuing and always being the one who tries to fix things. If he can forgive me and love me...I believe he will come back for me (then again, Im usually the one who did that) But is it possible..for a guy who never does the work in the relationship to change...? Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted August 31, 2005 Share Posted August 31, 2005 If you were abusive towards him maybe he realizes he doesn't need that in his life. He is doing better and he feels that he can do better. Take this as a lesson not to verbally excuse your future boyfriends. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted August 31, 2005 Share Posted August 31, 2005 If you were abusive towards him maybe he realizes he doesn't need that in his life. He is doing better and he feels that he can do better. My thoughts exactly. And even if you resolve yourself to change and treat him better, the hurt you've caused him is still there, and in getting back with you he risks falling back into the pattern of letting you verbally abuse him. I think it's best for both of you to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted August 31, 2005 Share Posted August 31, 2005 My thoughts exactly. And even if you resolve yourself to change and treat him better, the hurt you've caused him is still there, and in getting back with you he risks falling back into the pattern of letting you verbally abuse him. I think it's best for both of you to move on. Very true. Sometimes people forget that men have feelings as well and we don't like to be abused anymore than women do. I bet he remembes much of that abuse and with his newfound success he feels like he could do better. I know I would not stay with a woman that put me down and screamed at me all the time. I told my girlfriend if she has any issues discuss it with me like I am a human being and I will hear her out but if she starts yelling and screaming at me like a lunatic I am out of there. Link to post Share on other sites
Ejames Posted August 31, 2005 Share Posted August 31, 2005 My thoughts exactly. And even if you resolve yourself to change and treat him better, the hurt you've caused him is still there, and in getting back with you he risks falling back into the pattern of letting you verbally abuse him. I think it's best for both of you to move on. I agree. I also think it depends on the situation more than the gender as to who has regrets. Link to post Share on other sites
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