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Coping as the dumper


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

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Old 1st January 2018, 7:48 PM   #1
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Coping as the dumper

My story and the reasons for breaking up can be found here.

Having had a couple of weeks to review this situation, the split would have been necessary anyway for me to work a few things out. Having been in her situation myself, I respected no contact and politely replied to any communication she made with me. I felt this was only fair to her as I still had feelings for her. I didn't offer any breadcrumbs.

For those who were let go by their partners, this story can give you some hope of either getting over someone or reconciliation.

In the end, I sent an email to my ex asking her for a reconciliation. I did ask her not to reply if she didn’t want to know but around 4 hours later she still did anyway. She said that too much time had passed and that she’d been seeing someone who was local for two weeks and wanted to see how it went. She wished me well and hoped I found someone else soon. I found that really tough and thought that was that. I sent one email back immediately, obviously hurting and another one the next day apologising for my tone. I heard nothing else

A friend and his girlfriend read the email and were optimistic that there was still something there, especially when they pointed out the fact that she highlighted the new person was local. As a result, a week later I sent a text saying what I was prepared to do to make us work, including moving there (we were LDR). She then blocked me and 24 hours later, replied then blocked me again. She again said she was seeing someone and it was going well and that I should move on.

My friend again said that she’s probably still fairly hurt and the fact she has replied and taken time to do so would still suggest some feelings. He also challenged me to think how I'd feel if someone who dumped me waltzed back in to my life. Would I accept them straight away, especially if I was trying to move on.

Either way, I have now deleted her number.

I do get what my friends are saying and by blocking me, there does seem to be a bit of head buried in the sand but I have to take what she says at face value. I cannot contact her again.

The tables have now been turned and I now feel like the dumpee. I’ve been through this before and know I’ll survive, though it is hard.

So for those of you who have been dumped, I hope you take some heart from this. From 7 months no contact my ex is strong enough to say no to any approach and I have no doubt NC has helped with this. Similarly, there is also hope out there that the dumper may come back. My issue was never one loss of love / attraction / good times but unfortunately, circumstance.

Good luck in your recoveries

Last edited by TheElephant; 1st January 2018 at 7:53 PM..
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Old 1st January 2018, 8:10 PM   #2
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Ack. Life and relationships are so complicated and frustrating. I am sorry my friend and I also feel for your ex. I know all too well what you are going through.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 6:16 PM   #3
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As the dumper, you can cope with the break up by knowing that you got exactly what u wanted.
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