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Old 26th December 2017, 12:34 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by sorano View Post
I think both sexes have their fault. Both groups have people that are just nasty.

After being hurt, I am a little angry at women and have every right to be. That doesn't mean there aren't any good women left. I'm sure there are.

Time's have changed. Everything about dating and marriage has changed. Everybody is disposable. Nobody fights. and it seems to be the older we get, the harder it is to get back into a relationship because we have been hurt.

I was at my cousins communion party a while back. Now keep in mind, this is an old school italian party and family here in new york, long island. Off the boat. I was asked by my moms cousin, what happened to that girl you were dating. I politely answered back, I really don't want to talk about it. Next thing you know, 6 other women, who are all married and in there 50's, started talking to me. Every single one of those women said to me.........."WE FEEL SORRY for the men today. Men aren't getting married or committing to a relationship because society has changed. WOMEN have changed." One lady said to me, if I were a guy, I would not marry todays modern woman. Your marriage is going to end up just being a contract.


so a whole group of women told me that they feel sorry for me and for men. Now get this. One lady, who is a family friend, has been divorced for a long time. she told me she will never date a man. so she has her reasons why she wont trust a man. BUT, this same lady said to me, even though what happened to me, I will still tell you watch out for women these days. They are not the same. This is coming from a MAN HATER!! hahahahaha.

People will say, sorano, they are off the boat italian. Its different. well guess what guys. maybe we should take a lesson from the old school generation. Their marriages are lasting for years. They have morals and respect. Something that in my opinion is gone.


Its funny. My parents always told me, go find a nice italian girl. I answered back, " You do know this is not italy and that all those nice italian girls you think are around, is no more. Those italian girls don't exist. Thats over." They finally believed me.
Marriage is, in many ways, a dated institution because of the disparity in how women and men were treated in society. Marriage was a necessity for women who could not otherwise support themselves. Times have certainly changed and who can blame women for embracing independence after having been subjugated for so long. I am Greek so I know the old school Mediterranean attitude to gender roles and it doesnít hold weight anymore. Some people still want a traditional marriage and thatís fine. Itís also fine not to want that and to embrace independence. And sorry, but men are just as guilty as women and need to stop treating women as a whole so negatively on this topic and say things that imply the progress made is a negative because women are no longer choosing to have their lives revolve around the man in their life.

If you arenít religious, marriage literally is a contract.
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Old 26th December 2017, 12:34 PM   #17
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I feel for you. I feel this way too. Can't focus on the future. The now hurts too much.

I don't know how they do it. I guess they just didn't love us, the way we loved them.
Yes, yes...this could very well be the case. But that is not your fault! You were stronger and it shows how deeply you can love. Not everyone will love as greatly, but there is someone out there searching for someone like you!

One day at a time, my dear.
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Old 26th December 2017, 2:20 PM   #18
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I do think now it is a more female focused world. Not just career wise etc but dating now, you are pitted against 1000 other men who's messaged them that week. If you make 1 mistake it does seem the modern day answer is 'Not worth the effort there's 999 other men on this dating app I can meet who may be perfect' the modern man doesn't stand a chance unless I'm being scinecal as the breakup is still raw.

Put it this way my ex 2 years back, we broke up, she said she was heartbroken, 3 weeks later she was on holiday in Milan with her mext boyfriend while I was at home sorting our house to sell etc. My next partner we break up and a week later she's with someone else.

As I say it's not like I can't get anybody but I don't understand how anyone can so quickly?

It seems woman have an image of men which is wrong so tjey join in, sleep around, drink too much etc and it's all because tjey think men are doing it so why shouldn't we. My ex actually thought a stag doo was the same as in the films so worried when i went on one. I dont know anyone who has stayed together in my circle of friends.

At some point im hoping people realise the grass isn't greener hardly ever
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Old 26th December 2017, 2:35 PM   #19
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I do think now it is a more female focused world. Not just career wise etc but dating now, you are pitted against 1000 other men who's messaged them that week. If you make 1 mistake it does seem the modern day answer is 'Not worth the effort there's 999 other men on this dating app I can meet who may be perfect' the modern man doesn't stand a chance unless I'm being scinecal as the breakup is still raw.

Put it this way my ex 2 years back, we broke up, she said she was heartbroken, 3 weeks later she was on holiday in Milan with her mext boyfriend while I was at home sorting our house to sell etc. My next partner we break up and a week later she's with someone else.

As I say it's not like I can't get anybody but I don't understand how anyone can so quickly?

It seems woman have an image of men which is wrong so tjey join in, sleep around, drink too much etc and it's all because tjey think men are doing it so why shouldn't we. My ex actually thought a stag doo was the same as in the films so worried when i went on one. I dont know anyone who has stayed together in my circle of friends.

At some point im hoping people realise the grass isn't greener hardly ever
Your viewpoint is clearly tainted by your breakup. I don't know any women who are doing those things you say, just because men are doing it too. Maybe it is the crowd you associate with? I also know men who are just as picky when it comes to meeting women online. With all the information out there about people, why shouldn't women AND men be more picky about who they select as a partner?

I just can't help but notice that when men are the ones being dumped, they tend to turn to this modern woman criticism. Do men really want women to be placed back in the days of old where we were just expected to suck it up and subjugate ourselves and express 100% devotion while men just did what they want? To cry ourselves silly when a relationship doesn't work out and mourn for months to years so as not to further bruise the man's ego? There seems to be a lot of resentment over women progressing and not fulfilling that traditional role anymore.

At the end of the day, what really is wrong with someone moving on quickly? I suspect that if you unexpectedly bumped into the woman of your dreams tomorrow and you fell head over heels, you would be singing a different tune. Would you really say to yourself "oh wait, I can't pursue what could be an amazing relationship because it hasn't been [insert magic number] months since the breakup and I don't want to hurt my ex?" Probably not. Life is too short.
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Old 26th December 2017, 2:51 PM   #20
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And that truth is? And men are, as a gender, just altogether better in relationships and more loyal? Or they just expect their women to be loyal at all costs, regardless of their own actions? Just curious.
The truth is much of what we think we know and understand about women and relationships is wrong. The truth is men arenít taught how to have successful relationships and by the time we figure it out on our own itís too late. One or more relationships are destroyed.

Iím sure the same is true for women.

Donít assume I was pitting men against women. Suggesting one is more virtuous than the the other.

All Iím saying is, as a man, I wish there was a way to prepare young men for relationships. Teach them the things they need to know. So they donít end up in their 30s and 40s surprised their woman left them and is with another man. Teach them thatís a possibility, why it tends to happen, what to do to reduce the likelihood of it happening to them, and what to do if it does happen to them. Give them the tools needed to have better relationships. Which will benefit men and women, their children, and society in general.

Mature women could handle the training younger women. Those of us who claim to ďChristian ď should recognize that is what the Bible teaches us. The older teach the young.

In todayís world, it seems that we are just thrown to the wolves to learn as we go. Thatís unfortunate. I think there would be much less suffering if there was some way to instruct our young men ... and women.
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Old 26th December 2017, 4:05 PM   #21
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No in all fairness if the girl of my dreams met me tomorrow no i wouldn't do anything simply because I'm not ready, I'm capable of being on my own while I heal and the people don't just 'appear' if you aren't looking for it.

I've had people message me since I've been single as I said before j don't have trouble meeting people but to me it seems disgusting to go from 1 person to another. It's disrespectful and for me personally I dont think anything good comes of it.

It might just be me but I've never even had rebound sex with anyone as it just doesn't do anything for me. People just don't seem to like being alone. For me relationships mean something I just can't imagine suddenly seeing someone else like that. I've had 3 relationships and the earliest I met or slept with anyone else was 3 months


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Originally Posted by Joan621 View Post
Your viewpoint is clearly tainted by your breakup. I don't know any women who are doing those things you say, just because men are doing it too. Maybe it is the crowd you associate with? I also know men who are just as picky when it comes to meeting women online. With all the information out there about people, why shouldn't women AND men be more picky about who they select as a partner?

I just can't help but notice that when men are the ones being dumped, they tend to turn to this modern woman criticism. Do men really want women to be placed back in the days of old where we were just expected to suck it up and subjugate ourselves and express 100% devotion while men just did what they want? To cry ourselves silly when a relationship doesn't work out and mourn for months to years so as not to further bruise the man's ego? There seems to be a lot of resentment over women progressing and not fulfilling that traditional role anymore.

At the end of the day, what really is wrong with someone moving on quickly? I suspect that if you unexpectedly bumped into the woman of your dreams tomorrow and you fell head over heels, you would be singing a different tune. Would you really say to yourself "oh wait, I can't pursue what could be an amazing relationship because it hasn't been [insert magic number] months since the breakup and I don't want to hurt my ex?" Probably not. Life is too short.

Last edited by confused83; 26th December 2017 at 4:07 PM..
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Old 26th December 2017, 4:27 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by MidKnightDreams View Post
The truth is much of what we think we know and understand about women and relationships is wrong. The truth is men arenít taught how to have successful relationships and by the time we figure it out on our own itís too late. One or more relationships are destroyed.

Iím sure the same is true for women.

Donít assume I was pitting men against women. Suggesting one is more virtuous than the the other.

All Iím saying is, as a man, I wish there was a way to prepare young men for relationships. Teach them the things they need to know. So they donít end up in their 30s and 40s surprised their woman left them and is with another man. Teach them thatís a possibility, why it tends to happen, what to do to reduce the likelihood of it happening to them, and what to do if it does happen to them. Give them the tools needed to have better relationships. Which will benefit men and women, their children, and society in general.

Mature women could handle the training younger women. Those of us who claim to ďChristian ď should recognize that is what the Bible teaches us. The older teach the young.

In todayís world, it seems that we are just thrown to the wolves to learn as we go. Thatís unfortunate. I think there would be much less suffering if there was some way to instruct our young men ... and women.
Fair enough. I think this explains the breakdown of my relationship in many ways. I will admit I drew a lot of assumptions that were incorrect, and he did the same. I am sad it didn't work out, but grateful to have learned so much and yes - I wish I had learned a lot of it sooner to spare the heartache.
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Old 26th December 2017, 4:59 PM   #23
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Originally Posted by sorano View Post
I think both sexes have their fault. Both groups have people that are just nasty.

After being hurt, I am a little angry at women and have every right to be. That doesn't mean there aren't any good women left. I'm sure there are.

Time's have changed. Everything about dating and marriage has changed. Everybody is disposable. Nobody fights. and it seems to be the older we get, the harder it is to get back into a relationship because we have been hurt.

I was at my cousins communion party a while back. Now keep in mind, this is an old school italian party and family here in new york, long island. Off the boat. I was asked by my moms cousin, what happened to that girl you were dating. I politely answered back, I really don't want to talk about it. Next thing you know, 6 other women, who are all married and in there 50's, started talking to me. Every single one of those women said to me.........."WE FEEL SORRY for the men today. Men aren't getting married or committing to a relationship because society has changed. WOMEN have changed." One lady said to me, if I were a guy, I would not marry todays modern woman. Your marriage is going to end up just being a contract.


so a whole group of women told me that they feel sorry for me and for men. Now get this. One lady, who is a family friend, has been divorced for a long time. she told me she will never date a man. so she has her reasons why she wont trust a man. BUT, this same lady said to me, even though what happened to me, I will still tell you watch out for women these days. They are not the same. This is coming from a MAN HATER!! hahahahaha.

People will say, sorano, they are off the boat italian. Its different. well guess what guys. maybe we should take a lesson from the old school generation. Their marriages are lasting for years. They have morals and respect. Something that in my opinion is gone.


Its funny. My parents always told me, go find a nice italian girl. I answered back, " You do know this is not italy and that all those nice italian girls you think are around, is no more. Those italian girls don't exist. Thats over." They finally believed me.
This kind of reminds me of a famous quote:

"So many good women have dealt with the wrong man and so many good men have dealt with the wrong woman that, by the time you two finally meet, youíre both afraid of each other."
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Old 26th December 2017, 5:07 PM   #24
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This kind of reminds me of a famous quote:

"So many good women have dealt with the wrong man and so many good men have dealt with the wrong woman that, by the time you two finally meet, youíre both afraid of each other."
That's what I'm afraid of now I am already dreading dating and going again as think I'm just going to be heading into it expecting the worst.
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Old 26th December 2017, 5:29 PM   #25
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Your viewpoint is clearly tainted by your breakup. I don't know any women who are doing those things you say, just because men are doing it too. Maybe it is the crowd you associate with? I also know men who are just as picky when it comes to meeting women online. With all the information out there about people, why shouldn't women AND men be more picky about who they select as a partner?

I just can't help but notice that when men are the ones being dumped, they tend to turn to this modern woman criticism. Do men really want women to be placed back in the days of old where we were just expected to suck it up and subjugate ourselves and express 100% devotion while men just did what they want? To cry ourselves silly when a relationship doesn't work out and mourn for months to years so as not to further bruise the man's ego? There seems to be a lot of resentment over women progressing and not fulfilling that traditional role anymore.

At the end of the day, what really is wrong with someone moving on quickly? I suspect that if you unexpectedly bumped into the woman of your dreams tomorrow and you fell head over heels, you would be singing a different tune. Would you really say to yourself "oh wait, I can't pursue what could be an amazing relationship because it hasn't been [insert magic number] months since the breakup and I don't want to hurt my ex?" Probably not. Life is too short.
i know this wasnít directed at me, but tainting doesnít come from one breakup. It comes from a string of them which leads you to conclusions.

Speaking for myself, I was the most tainted person you could ever meet before I met my ex. She changed my perspective and renewed my faith in women. She was generous and caring and possessed a lot of the qualities of the older generation that you so callously dismiss as wrong. These qualities made me open up and be equally as generous.

Then, one day, poof. Gone. No idea why, no fight, no discussion, no reason after 7 years. I guess what hurt so much is I finally thought I found one that was different and I was wrong. Dead wrong.

So yes, Iím bitter. Yes, I donít trust women. I can only pull from my experiences and this is what life has taught me.

Now Iíve learned that todayís woman will be by your side as long as she is happy and having fun. Once that stops itís only a matter of time before she leaves. You likely wonít get a chance to correct things because youíre only told once the decision is final. And why not? As stated there are 999 other guys lined up to take your place.

This story plays over and over on this board and in real life. If it were just me I would look at things differently.
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Old 26th December 2017, 5:58 PM   #26
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It's sad but what said above is probably the truest line. That men get hurt a lot and so do woman to the point where when you do finally meet each other you ruin it by past hurt.

I for 1 will be the first to admit in this most recent relationship I wasn't the best at the start as spent the first month or so worrying it would end because of how much hurt I was still feeling from my other ex. I think it is best to take time out to rebuild yourself before going again but relationships don't seen to last now because it's so readily available. So rather than take time out people jump straight into the next one and again wonder why that's ended too. If it wasn't so readily available it wouldn't be that way. Especially for woman I have to say every woman I've met who's been on a dating app like tinder will admit they get 100 or so msgs a day. I'm a good-looking man yet I'll not get 100 if I was on it everyday for a year
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