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Running out of options.


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

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Old 13th December 2017, 1:49 AM   #1
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Running out of options.

I don't know what to do anymore and I really need help because I don't feel like I am making progress. 10 years ago I dated one of my bestfriend's(still is till this day) sister in Highschool for about a year and 3-4 months. We broke up because we went on a vacation trip with our families and because of an accident to a rental car our moms got into an argument and when we returned things felt weird between our families and we broke up, which also messed me up as a 17 year old because I felt like we broke up because of our families and not because of us, so I always have that "what if we never went on vacation" idea popping into my head.

Since she is my friend's sister I can't completely erase her from my life. However over the years I did go NC for a couple of months sometimes a year or almost 2 every now and then, we weren't on bad terms but we just sort of forgot about the other and had our own relationships, if we bumped into each other we would say high or wave to one another. Over time she had a kid with someone and then they split up about 6 years ago.

When that happened she started to distance herself from ger ex and that life she made and started hanging out with her brothers and her brother's friends again. She was always the girl in the group that hungout with the guys, which is how we met. Then we became friends again. Then we became really close, and then she started coming on to me. We started flirting a lot. At first i was skeptical but then I saw she was serious because she would send me sexy pics. I probably should've made a move but I had too much respect for her and I didn't want to just use her for sex, I wanted more.

Then about 3 weeks later it all went bad. We were all going to a halloween party together with our friends ( we have the same inner circle). I was going to use that moment to make a move, but she brought a guy(she says he invited himself through her brother) who wouldn't leave her side all night. Nothing really serious happened with him, she found him annoying later on. There have been other guys who came and went over the course of about a yr and a half.

During that time me and her would either get along great, or argue because I felt like she would lie about some guys to string me along. When ever I would bring up the topic about me and her she would say that right now isn't the best because of all the stress in her life, but soon. Then it went from that, to I don't want to risk our friendship and lose everything, and those guys dont really mean anything so she didn't care about them. Then I felt like she was trying to friendzone me.

So last year, I took a risk and asked her out on a date date. She rejected me, I told her it's fine, I cant force you to care about me, the same way I can't force myself to not care about you. I told her I had to go NC, she was mad at me for it but I didn't care I had to think about myself. I even stopped hanging out with my friends, and left all the group chats we were in, blocked her on any social media I had, so that I wouldn't click on her pages.

Then about 10 months later, we bumped into each other because we got invited to our friends daughter's Bday party. To my surprise she openly expressed how much she missed me, wouldn't leave my side and would pull my arm every where. At first I was giving her the cold shoulder but felt like I was being bitter so I was nice, but not super friendly. Then 2 weeks later she started txting me and I was still distant so she started txting me about 20-30 messages for me to respond. Then I pretty much told her that things haven't changed and I needed more time. A month after that, she txted me again and we talked more about our situation, I told her everything that bothered me. I told her how I needed to get over these feelings and that I am not talking to her because I am angry at her but because I needed to focus on myself. She was sad but she understood.

Then a month later we bumped into each other again at comic con. We hangout all day, we had a fun time. Two weeks later she txted me again and we have been talking since. Then I saw a video on instagram of her out late with a guy 2 weeks ago, maybe just a friend or not. I was getting upset and I realized that I still feel this way and I hate it. She still txts me and calls me every other day and it fills me with joy when I talk to her. I don't know what to do.

I wish we could just give it a shot even for a day, so that I can know if these feelings are real, or if I am just obsessed with the fact that we never ended it on our terms. I have been going threw a lot in my life in the last few months, losing my full time job, family moved, stressful living situation. Talking to her has been the happiest I've felt in the last few weeks and I hate it, she has even helped apply for a job, I am taking exam tomorrow for it because of her. In fact she messaged me in the middle typing this and I was smiling the whole time.

Then I realized I am still same. Should I talk to her(again)? Should I make a move? Should I go NC? We have so much in common and all I want is to hangout with her and forgot about my other bigger more serious ptoblems. I don't know what to do.
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Old 13th December 2017, 5:14 AM   #2
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Iím so sorry this happened; it must be really hard for you.

If you want anything more than a friendship, you must go NC. Only start talking to her again if she expresses a mutual romantic interest. Right now she is using you emotionally, but dating other men as it seems.

Good luck my friend!!!
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Old 27th December 2017, 5:17 AM   #3
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Thank you for your response. It seems that NC really is the only option. I just feel foolish and embarrassed at this point because I will still have to see her because of her being related to one of my closest friends. It is even more annoying when I myself know that I will never get what I want, and that I shouldn't feel this way about after so many years, and seeing her talk to different guys. I just put myself down every time because I should know better but I am not strong enough to lose those feelings and actually move on. I wish I never dated her all those years ago, we would've been great friends, instead of this mess.
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