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I am having a really hard time letting go of her


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

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Old 4th November 2017, 9:52 PM   #1
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I am having a really hard time letting go of her

I felt like I was doing well, then the last few days have been brutal again. For some reason when I think of getting out and dating all my thoughts go to her and I get depressed. The winter doldrums are setting in, and I'm a person who used to love the winter. I'm not doing so well lately. In fact, I went out today to run errands hoping to put a smile on my face and interact with people only to find I couldn't wait to get the hell out of the stores and go back home. I can't believe as a grown man I am feeling like this.
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Old 4th November 2017, 10:29 PM   #2
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Oh hun, my greatest empathy to you.

A wise person once said "fake it til you make it". Pretend you are over her and in time it will feel natural.

These feelings are natural, just let them ride through time. It's true what everybody else says here: time heals all wounds.
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Old 16th November 2017, 11:01 AM   #3
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Originally Posted by Highndry View Post
I felt like I was doing well, then the last few days have been brutal again. For some reason when I think of getting out and dating all my thoughts go to her and I get depressed. The winter doldrums are setting in, and I'm a person who used to love the winter. I'm not doing so well lately. In fact, I went out today to run errands hoping to put a smile on my face and interact with people only to find I couldn't wait to get the hell out of the stores and go back home. I can't believe as a grown man I am feeling like this.
No advice to offer, I can only say I totally relate to every single sentence you have written though. You're not alone.
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Old 16th November 2017, 1:43 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by Highndry View Post
I felt like I was doing well, then the last few days have been brutal again. For some reason when I think of getting out and dating all my thoughts go to her and I get depressed. The winter doldrums are setting in, and I'm a person who used to love the winter. I'm not doing so well lately. In fact, I went out today to run errands hoping to put a smile on my face and interact with people only to find I couldn't wait to get the hell out of the stores and go back home. I can't believe as a grown man I am feeling like this.
Yeah, I've been feeling the same way too today.
I am hoping that I can snap out of it. I am tired of being tired.
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Old 19th November 2017, 9:58 AM   #5
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I'm in the same boat, so don't sweat it dude.

I've been split from my ex for just over 6 months now, and I have good and bad days or weeks, but I can't get past her at the moment, though I have come a long way.

I keep thinking about going on the dating scene, but I feel like I would be betraying her, and I don't want to hurt her... even though we're not together, now that is some messed up stuff right there.

I know she is back on dating sites, as people have seen her profile on them, but if someone had just broke up with you, saying you were no good for them, like I did to her, wouldn't you want someone or anyone to want you too?

I miss sitting next to her on her sofa snuggling, long chats and being together in bed, during the cold winter. Christmas is fast approaching, and last year we had a really good one, and now I'm spending it with my family. I broke up with her for the right reasons, but nostalgia is a real arse kicker.
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Old 19th November 2017, 10:10 AM   #6
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The holidays can be hard . I've always loved winter, too, but for some reason this year I feel the winter doldrums, too! Makes me feel old.

Hang in there.
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Old 19th November 2017, 11:04 AM   #7
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I feel like I would be betraying her, and I don't want to hurt her... even though we're not together, now that is some messed up stuff right there.


Exactly how I feel. And I was dumped. Ironic. His ex wife had an affair and he found it hard to trust me. Yet here I am, still loyal when he doesn't want me. FML
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Old 19th November 2017, 2:12 PM   #8
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What makes it worse is all this s#itty Christmas music that they are playing in the stores - ALREADY.
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Old Yesterday, 12:04 AM   #9
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I know the feeling. The other day I interacted with a girl who seemed nice and when I imagined following it up, my ex popped into my mind and I felt on the verge of tears. At the same time I have feelings of anger towards her, because she spent the last 3 months lying and cheating. It's an unpleasant place to be in when you simultaneously love and miss someone, but also hate them for treating you badly.

In the past the thing that has always helped the most is dedicating my energy into a new project that interests and motivates me. This works in a way that trying to date too early doesn't, because it doesn't feel like you're replacing the thing you don't want to let go of. But, like dating, your brain gets to do and think about things it enjoys and so the "replacement" just kind of happens anyway. Ultimately, for me, that helps me fill the hole and get past the loss.

At the moment I'm in that early stage of loss where I can't find the motivation to get started on keeping busy with things. I'm hoping to kick myself into action soon.
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Old Yesterday, 11:46 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by Highndry View Post
I felt like I was doing well, then the last few days have been brutal again. For some reason when I think of getting out and dating all my thoughts go to her and I get depressed. The winter doldrums are setting in, and I'm a person who used to love the winter. I'm not doing so well lately. In fact, I went out today to run errands hoping to put a smile on my face and interact with people only to find I couldn't wait to get the hell out of the stores and go back home. I can't believe as a grown man I am feeling like this.
Sorry to be nosey, but how old are you Highndry? I too feel pathetic that in my 30s I'm going through all of this.
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Old Yesterday, 12:28 PM   #11
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Sorry to be nosey, but how old are you Highndry? I too feel pathetic that in my 30s I'm going through all of this.
I'm in my early 50s, I'm the dumper, and after over 2 months I'm STILL going through this. There's no need to feel pathetic.
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Old Yesterday, 12:45 PM   #12
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Same here, and I'm 50ish.

I've been apart from The Addict for nearly 8 months. I read somewhere that the year of firsts is the hardest, and this holiday season will be "the first" after our breakup.

So what if you went back home and moped...at least you tried to get out and be social. Keep trying. That's all we can do.
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Old Yesterday, 1:08 PM   #13
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Yup. Either 5 months or 11 months if you donít count a two week reconciliation and I still miss her every day.

She got hold of me a few weeks ago. She is just as lost and confused as before. But she is dating someone new now. I told her we couldnít be friends, and not to contact me if she is with someone else. In a way it was cathartic to know she is having a hard time letting go too.

This is the hardest time of year for me. No nearby family, and all my friends go away for the holidays. Makes it so much worse!

Guess Iím eating Chinese food for Christmas! Haha
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Old Yesterday, 1:25 PM   #14
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Over 50 here too. 2/4 months, apart from a mistaken interlude. Still feel like death would be preferable.
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Old Yesterday, 1:55 PM   #15
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Over 50 here too. 2/4 months, apart from a mistaken interlude. Still feel like death would be preferable.
I feel the same way too, until the chest pains kick in from all the binge eating. Then life sets in and I tell myself and whatever invisible force is out there that I'm just kidding. Lol, heartburn can be very misleading at times, but a real eyeopener if you're wishing for death. But there are times that I wish this pain would stop, and yes other dark thoughts start clouding your mind.
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