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What r the beautiful & ugly things that you still think about when remembering ur ex


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

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Old 1st November 2017, 5:35 AM   #1
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What r the beautiful & ugly things that you still think about when remembering ur ex

Pretty stuff: I still think of the way he used to cook for me, how last year same time when i had the flue he made me a very yummi soup, how he crossed half of the earth to be with me, his jokes, his sentimental gifts, his american accent, his sweet heart, his smartness, his career, our future plans together, his hair, his eyes.

Ugly stuff: How he turned out to be, his mental illnesses, his continuous concern about my finances, his pickiness, his thoroughness, his inflexibility, his true colors, the heartache he caused me to suffer, his lies, his promises, his mood swings !!!
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Old 1st November 2017, 6:02 AM   #2
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It is really best if you do not think about the ex at all.
He is your ex and all his good and bad points need to be put to bed.
It no longer matters how good or bad he was.
Leave him in the past.

Raking it over is just like picking at the scab and it will reopen the wound and it will hurt you all over again.
He is out of your life, done, finished, over, caput, finito ...
Onwards and upwards...
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Old 1st November 2017, 7:04 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by elaine567 View Post
It is really best if you do not think about the ex at all.
He is your ex and all his good and bad points need to be put to bed.
It no longer matters how good or bad he was.
Leave him in the past.

Raking it over is just like picking at the scab and it will reopen the wound and it will hurt you all over again.
He is out of your life, done, finished, over, caput, finito ...
Onwards and upwards...
Maybe reminding ourselves of the negative things & that they overweight the positive ones can help us in a way ?
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Old 1st November 2017, 9:45 AM   #4
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Pros: -She was very traditional about the kitchen. Despite having a demanding management position she insisted on coming home to cook most nights. She'd put on a vinyl and pour me a drink (while she killed the rest of the bottle) and sing in the kitchen. It was so classic and I loved it.
-She always wanted to be touching in someway, especially in public. It made me feel strong and like maybe she was proud to be with me. Or I'd wake up because she realized we drifted in our sleep and she's wrapping around me again.
-The sex was incredible (when she was sober).
-Crafty. She has a lot of artistic skill but she never pursued any of it further.
-Family-oriented. She would've been a great mother.

Cons: -She'd always pass out drunk. Every night.
-She'd ask to go to the movies and never stayed awake during a film. Not one.
-She moved onto harder drugs and evidently cheated on me with the dealer.
-She didn't care about upkeep or the conditions of things. "We'll just buy another", for everything she didn't care to maintain.
-Frivolous spender.
-Always wanted the next big thing. Would trade anything and anyone up. No loyalty.
-I had to keep an eye on her at social things because once again she'd always be piss drunk and ready to pass out anywhere.
-Too LA and I'm country.
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Old 1st November 2017, 9:59 AM   #5
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There are plenty of beautiful and ugly things with every relationship I've been in regardless of how long or short they were.

I am one who isn't afraid to look back on past relationships. I think it's important in order to learn from them, both the good and the bad.

How else are you able to grow from them otherwise?
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Old 1st November 2017, 10:00 AM   #6
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Positive:
Great lover
Good cook
Intelligent
We made each other happy
Wonderful hugs

Negative:
Let me down so many times
Made promises then 'forgot' them
Selfish
Inflexible
Couldn't compromise

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Old 1st November 2017, 11:04 AM   #7
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I have always been able to look back & see something that a BF taught me during our time together.

The ugly stuff taught me to recognize red flags earlier on to not get sucked in.
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Old 1st November 2017, 11:27 AM   #8
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I try to only think positive things about my exes.

Thatís hard with with my ex-wife. So, I donít think about her much.

I have random snippets of things that make me smile or laugh pop into my mind about the others. Itís usually a brief thought or memory. Something they said or did. Something we did together. How they used to do that certain thing. Then itís gone and Iím back to living in the present.

I donít dwell on the negatives. Iíve worked hard to learn and grow from each relationship. Once Iíve learned the lesson, I try to move on and leave the negative in the past.
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Old 1st November 2017, 4:14 PM   #9
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I find the positive stuff even worse because in retrospect, it was all in vain and fake. What is the point? It makes me more angry that they would do all that, and then stab me in the back. At least other people who aren't interested just are laissez faire and don't hide it.

Oh he promised me the world, did all sorts of nice things for me, but what he ended up doing in the end was worst than anything I could imagine, so if I could take it back, I would have just never met him and never had the nice things either.

It's hard to have good memories of the "good" when the bad simply overshadows it. It's like someone who once returned your wallet, but then turned around and killed your family member. Like no I won't remember the gratefulness I felt having my wallet returned to me.
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Old 1st November 2017, 5:20 PM   #10
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I rarely think about my exes. It's been so long that I struggle to remember.
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Old 1st November 2017, 5:45 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by toomanyquestions123 View Post
Pretty stuff: I still think of the way he used to cook for me, how last year same time when i had the flue he made me a very yummi soup, how he crossed half of the earth to be with me, his jokes, his sentimental gifts, his american accent, his sweet heart, his smartness, his career, our future plans together, his hair, his eyes.

Ugly stuff: How he turned out to be, his mental illnesses, his continuous concern about my finances, his pickiness, his thoroughness, his inflexibility, his true colors, the heartache he caused me to suffer, his lies, his promises, his mood swings !!!

God almighty , l thought you were talking about my gf here for a minute, and she crossed half the earth to be with me too. what a coincidence.

Her incredible personality on good days, her looks , her accent too, her lovable crazy thinking, her caring , this squeaking thing in her voice , her curiosity , the way she treated me and made me feel , her sexuality , hair, you name it , a mountain of things too personal to say here.

The bads, sadly were amazingly similar to your ugly list there , just throw in a bit more crazy.
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Old 1st November 2017, 5:52 PM   #12
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l often wonder lately , just what are we suppose to do with these memories of someone so special that were in our lives. Yet there is bad in there too.

Yaknow, is it good to remember the good, is it healthy , it was a huge part of our lives so it's as if it seems crazy to just block it
But sometimes unhealthy to remember it.

Somebody said to me a few weeks back , you remember the good things and be grateful that you had those.
l dunno !!!!
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Old 1st November 2017, 6:02 PM   #13
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The good: Having a second income to split the bills with, his BBQ chicken on the grill, his ability to do anything around the house and be good at everything, the sex was great and he's kinda hot. He was great about splitting household chores even if he was way too anal about it.

The bad: He knows he's hot. The flirting and sometimes outright sexual harassment with other women. Never feeling good enough. Always having to walk on eggshells. Never wanting to really know me. The tension he caused with my family because of his rudeness. Constantly being accused of being abnormal for not wanting sex 7 days a week. Being only wanted/loved for my body.

The ugly: The cheating. The verbal abuse. Being called a B, a C, fat. Having bruises from him body slamming me around the living room.
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Old 1st November 2017, 6:28 PM   #14
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The beautiful things: His caring heart, charming smile, his tenderness, silliness, how he'd always want to cook for me, never let me pay for anything, excellent lover, would do anything for me to make me happy, is a wonderful father to his kids, made me feel safe and loved, always wanted to be near me, made me feel like a princess.

The ugly things: his addiction to alcohol, his intoxicated fits, his mental illnesses, his lying, his cheating, always turning things around on me, he was always right and I was always wrong, clingyness, ignoring me, controlling, manipulation, blaming me for things that were beyond my control, accusing me of cheating if I could not make it over to his place in a timely manner or not at all, always flirting with other women, telling me about how he'd like to screw so and so because she's so hot, the way he'd eat like a pig and have food all around his mouth, would get mad at me for doing things that were ok for him to do, very passive-aggressive, when we had an issue we needed to discuss or if I unknowingly or accidentally did something to piss him off he'd give me the silent treatment instead of talking to me like an adult. Really hated that crap!!

Hmm...this actually makes me feel a bit better seeing how my ugly list is longer than my beautiful list.
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Old 1st November 2017, 9:45 PM   #15
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Beautiful: Her smile, compassion, her ability to be so empathetic, free thinker, ambitious without limiting beliefs, wanted to travel the world with me, personality, her ability to make me smile, the plethora of things we had in common.

The Ugly: Everything was mostly a lie, unforeseen fits, contradicted herself and her opinions in the end to the point I didn't know who I was talking to.
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