3 months post break up

[jparmyguy]

Back in may i was dumped by my first love, the whole break up was extremly confusing with the reason why we were breaking up always being changed around. The girl was always like this as person. She played games during the first month of summer where one day she would miss me and want to make things work while the other days shw wanted nothing to do with me.

 

Basically, everytime a female would talk to me and she found out about it she would do these types of games. Eventually, one of her friends who is no longer friends with her told me how she would only show parts and peices of the conversations and make it out to be like i was psychotic. Her friend new i wasnt and knows that it was just my ex being unstable given the fact that she comes from a screwed up family.

 

Anyways eventually me and my ex talked and she went back to saying we would never work so i said ok then we need to stop talking. After everything we cant be friends because someone is gonna get hurt. I called her evil for emtionally trying to manuplative me just to get a girl to stop talking to me. She told me to f off and i ended up calling her the c word.

 

2 months has passed since we last spoke. After having time and space to myself i finally started to feel better about myself and really see what the realtionship was without being tricked by illogical emtional thoughts. Looking back like my friend would always tell me the realtionship me and my ex had was extremly toxic. I would get lied to constantly, called crazy behind my back, ignored whenever i got upset, and treated like **** by her family. Towards the end of the realtionship i got fed up and In return i would constanly feel the need to defend myself and attack her back by saying mean ****, yelling at the top of my lungs in order for her to tell the truth, and started to distance myself. Etc.

 

Hence when all that **** built up and i changed as person she ended it and i kinda got caught by suprise a little bit and started to panic thinking i was gonna feel no pain whatsoever and losr sight of all that. I started to play the early parts of realtionship when i was actually happy with her and forgot about the bad.

 

Overall the realtionship was not real love by any means and i think i stayed so long in the realtionship because cuz i got caught up on all the hopes and dreams that were made in the beginning. I had finally met a girl who disnt judge me and actaully liked me. (Previous girl i liked was ****ing my friend the first month we were dating, didnt find out till 2 months after she dumped me.) So i really wanted to make it work even though when she cheated on me and continued lieing the realtionship died right there at the one year mark.

 

I dont regret trying to make it work but i do wish i had never taken her back because nothing was the same after that. The last year and half was filled with a lot of unhappy times but i kept hoping that the lieing would stop and it never really did. At the same time we had talked about kids and a bright future. I wanted that in life so i stayed. It took me 6 months to get over the cheating. I started to smile again when i was with her but the whole bs with her family happened where i was threatened to be killed and had a hit put out on me. I didnt want to abandon her given that she has no good role model in her life and still wanted that dream so i still contined to see her.

 

She been raised to see that lieing to people is a good thing and that leaching of the goverment through false claims is an ok thing to do. I could go into a whole lot of detail about how that girls father is the lowest common denominator on earth but i wont. At the end of the day she loves her dad even though he is the ****test person in the world. Im not sure what guy she expects to find that gonna like her dad but its not my problem.

 

Anyways, this caused a lot more strain on our relationship but it worked for another 8 months until i caught her lieing to me again and i use the threat of taking a break and so she decided to finally end it for good through a text message 3 months ago.

 

I have learned alot from this experience and do thank her for the happy times we had even though they were surrounded by a lot of really crappy times. I still wish i had pictures from back when we met in highschool because those were some fun times. At those times i had never felt more joy in my life. All the other pictures i deleted because in those pictures i knew how miserable I was even though i had a smile on my face.

 

Regardless i cant change the past, now i know it doesnt matter how you feel about a person sometimes you have to leave when it feels like the realtionship is dead. Some people never change and you cant fix a broken person. You end up loosing yourself and getting hurt in the end. I think thats why i took the breakup so hard because of how toxic the realtionship was. For a time i wanted her back but that was because i wanted to numb the pain of heartbreak. In reality i didnt want to go back to all the bs and i just never had the heart to end with her.

 

Long term down the road i want a girl who i can trust and doesnt come with that much baggage and someone who actually reciprocates love not just tells me i love you and im sorry.

Looking back that girl never really went out of the way for me. I would always give stuff that had meaning or help her with her hw and such. In return i got unlimited sex and money when i had low hours at work.

 

Anyways i got caught up in a dream and i dont plan on putting myself in that sort of situation again. Recently i have attracted a couple of other girls with different issues but of the same cailper. So now i sorta just stay away from girls in genral. I spend my time focusing on school amd hanging with my friends who i almost lost during my previous realtionship. I wish my ex the best because i did love her alot but she is way too stressful of a person to bring back into my life even as a friend. Not to mention too much stuff happened between us, hopefully one day i get to catch up with her and she finallt moves out of the **** household she lives in.

 

Recently, i have heard stories about her with some making me nervous. During this breakup she lost two of her close friends because she continued to lie them. She became friendz with a girl who is extremly toxic who me and one of the friends she lost tried to get her to stay away from. She recently "subbed" me on tumblr, which its been 3 months so i dont know why she would do that 3 days ago.(bassically **** on me) she has pictures of her in her bra ppsted online, which i think is a bad look and is only gonna attract douche bags who will hit her and cheat on her but hey its not my life so im not gonna chime in on it. She went hoe mode during the summer and has hooked up with a lot of random dudes, she told me she wasnt about that life but she is also bull****ter so i kinda assumed she would considering i was the first person she had sex with. (I actually hung out with one of the guys she hooked up with, they made inaide jokes about grabbing her titty.) Kinda bother me a bit to hear that but im alive. Now to make things worse she is talking to a kid who beat the **** out of her ex best friend. In a way im nervous for her getting involed with a kid like that but i also feel bad for her ex bestfriend.

 

Anyways to sum it up we are in school together so i hope that no drama occurs and i stop hearing stories like this but who knows hoping for the best. I avoid her and she avoids me. I have made a lot of progress amd have moved on with my life. Im still not over her as she is my first and we were together for 2.5 years. Im at a point where she will cross my mind from time to time, but i dont miss her or long for my late highschool days. Im content with the way things happened and am quite happy with my life now.

[bummer]

She went hoe mode during the summer...

 

Just needed to pull this nugget forward. Never heard of it, but I get it.

 

So, not that you asked, but I would recommend you drop off the planet in terms of knowing anything about her modes. No social media, no talking about her with friends, no stories, no mutual parties, nothing. That's real NC and it's for your own good.

[jparmyguy]

Just needed to pull this nugget forward. Never heard of it, but I get it.

 

So, not that you asked, but I would recommend you drop off the planet in terms of knowing anything about her modes. No social media, no talking about her with friends, no stories, no mutual parties, nothing. That's real NC and it's for your own good.

Oh how i wish i could go complete no contact. The picture was sent to me via a snapchat, one of her old friends is my friend as well so i try to help even though it involves my ex. She goes to my school so i see her around walked past her today, she looked at me then looked away. A little bit weird cuz i didnt feel anything and almost didnt recognize her at first because of all the make up. Gonna be a whole year of running into her but at least we dont try to talk to each other.