It's been 5 months since we've broken up, I feel like I should be over it...

[Taticake]

5 months since he broken up with me, out of nowhere, on the same day that he told me he loved me and that I was his stinky piggy in the morning because I forgot to take a shower before work...

 

Even after we've broken up, we still went on dates and he still took me out and held hands with me and still said he loved being so close to me. We still Netflix and chilled, still went on late night adventures to Dave and busters...only difference was he was texting other girls and seeing them and I had to deal with it.

 

A lot of drama happened that led me to be fed up with him, and so I decided that I needed to move on and start no contact...he got into a relationship fast and the last time I ever saw him face to face was 42 days ago.

 

Although we haven't seen each other for over a month, our true "no contact" was 17 days ago...when he emailed me because he was looking at my Facebook profile through a fake profile (since I blocked him on his real one) and wanted to clarify something...before that, he also contacted me saying he couldn't get me off his mind when he's with his new girlfriend...those time I tried to play it off like I've already moved on but truth is, I have to play strong but deep down I'm dying inside.

 

I've been hanging out with friends a lot, going out to events and clubbing...I've changed my appearance by getting a new wardrobe, getting contact lenses, cutting my hair into a long bob, and going to the gym to tone up my body. I admit I think I am a completely different person physically but inside I still miss him a lot.

 

My self esteem is definitely getting better because I get hit on almost everyday. I consider myself a fairly cute girl, even though I'm quite shy, but even though I have gotten my confidence back, part of me still feels like a failure because he doesn't want me, and I want him...

 

I've gotten a promotion at work and have updated it as my status on Facebook, it's been 17 days and he still hasn't mentioned anything about it yet...usually he's the one who initiates the contact everytime I post something good on Facebook. He knows I've been vying for that promotion for a long time when we were together and suddenly when I got it he never contacted me to congratulate me or anything...

 

I've already accepted that we won't be back together anymore and I've already trashed all the gifts he gave me and all the pictures we took together. I have blocked him on Facebook, Instagram, and my phone but if he really cared about me, wouldn't he have reached out by contacting me on private, or even visiting me at work since he lives nearby?

 

I know he's in a new relationship now...I know he's enticed by her because she's new, and pretty, and fascinating. But I also know that he still has a lot of love for me and not for his new girlfriend...it just sucks knowing that because I feel like I can't move on.

 

Part of me wishes he would come back, but there's no way I'm begging for him back because I'd rather die than lose my dignity to beg someone back...

 

It just hurts...will it ever get better??

Edited August 31, 2017 by Taticake

[bluefeather]

I think it will get better, but only when you truly let that person go.

[Reddice]

How are you so sure he still loves you?Just because he says so? Actions speak louder than words and as long as he is in a relationship, please do not consider any of his pathetic attempts as anything more than breadcrumbs.

 

Don't worry either about him emailing you either. My ex did that once on my birthday. It's the lamest breadcumb ever known to mankind and it doesn't feel as good as you might think it does.

 

Keep working on yourself, keep blocking his every attempt and if you are at some moment in time not sure on how to act in a specific situation, ask for advice on here before you act. It might help put things in a different perspective.

[Zahara]

5 months since he broken up with me | our true "no contact" was 17 days ago

 

Yes, he broke up with you 5 months ago but your true ending was 17 days ago. You kept an open wound for 5 months and you kept on digging into it so it's natural that you're still feeling stuck. It's really only been a little over 2 weeks into your healing.

 

My self esteem is definitely getting better because I get hit on almost everyday.

 

Your self esteem shouldn't derive from the validation of men. If you're measuring your value based on how many hits/attention you get from men, you'll probably keep repeating the same unhealthy patterns as you did with your ex. Your self-esteem is all based on the superficial external, when it should be an internal journey.

Edited August 31, 2017 by Zahara

[Taticake]

How are you so sure he still loves you?Just because he says so? Actions speak louder than words and as long as he is in a relationship, please do not consider any of his pathetic attempts as anything more than breadcrumbs.

 

Don't worry either about him emailing you either. My ex did that once on my birthday. It's the lamest breadcumb ever known to mankind and it doesn't feel as good as you might think it does.

 

Keep working on yourself, keep blocking his every attempt and if you are at some moment in time not sure on how to act in a specific situation, ask for advice on here before you act. It might help put things in a different perspective.

 

I know this is stupid, but I believe him when he says that he's loves me and cares for me a lot and will always love me. Because we were each other's first everything. The way that we ended up together was almost magical and the last time I saw him, there was a lot of intense chemistry going on between us and I could feel that he felt it. We've been through a lot together...debt, poverty, abortion, tough times...I knew because there were tears in his eyes. I knew because when he hit me up 13 days after NC, he told me that he wanted to get some feelings off his chest...that the breakup was hard for him and that he still thought about me everyday. He told me he had to live with the decision he made because he wanted to try out other relationships because he had nothing to compare to. But so far, he told me he still loves me. I know we will never be together again and even if deep down I miss those feelings I get with him I know that I also don't think we could be together again especially with what happened. That is reality.

[Taticake]

Yes, he broke up with you 5 months ago but your true ending was 17 days ago. You kept an open wound for 5 months and you kept on digging into it so it's natural that you're still feeling stuck. It's really only been a little over 2 weeks into your healing.

 

 

 

Your self esteem shouldn't derive from the validation of men. If you're measuring your value based on how many hits/attention you get from men, you'll probably keep repeating the same unhealthy patterns as you did with your ex. Your self-esteem is all based on the superficial external, when it should be an internal journey.

 

I know that my self esteem shouldn't derive from men's validation. However, when I was in a relationship with him I never felt that pretty. I mean I did feel pretty in the beginning when he was trying to get me, but later on in the relationship, he stopped complimenting me, stop calling me gorgeous and everything and sometimes made me feel ugly.

 

When he broke up with me and started talking to other girls I felt even more uglier and I felt like I was a failure.

 

That's why I decided to change the way I look. I mean there was nothing wrong with how I looked before but I just wanted to be a new person. I don't want to be the girl who got her heart broken anymore and it makes me happy that people see the changes I put on myself. Like at work, one of my guy coworkers tell me I look happier and I look like a brand new woman.

 

It makes me feel good when guys stop me to call me cute and ask me for my number...I don't know...is that bad?

[Reddice]

I know this is stupid, but I believe him when he says that he's loves me and cares for me a lot and will always love me. Because we were each other's first everything. The way that we ended up together was almost magical and the last time I saw him, there was a lot of intense chemistry going on between us and I could feel that he felt it. We've been through a lot together...debt, poverty, abortion, tough times...I knew because there were tears in his eyes. I knew because when he hit me up 13 days after NC, he told me that he wanted to get some feelings off his chest...that the breakup was hard for him and that he still thought about me everyday. He told me he had to live with the decision he made because he wanted to try out other relationships because he had nothing to compare to. But so far, he told me he still loves me. I know we will never be together again and even if deep down I miss those feelings I get with him I know that I also don't think we could be together again especially with what happened. That is reality.

 

Please don't fall for that. He's in a relationship, what more is there to say really? He loves you so much...? Then why is he with someone else? Why was he willing to give everything up to walk out that door, but is he not willing to man up and walk back? Why not break up with his current girlfriend and take things with you step by step, day by day? Where are the flowers, the love letters with thousands of apologies, why is he not on his knees in front of you begging for forgiveness?

 

You spent a lot of time together, surely it must affect him, but it's not the same feeling you have. Rest assured that the moment you take a bite out of any of his breadcrumbs, you will notice that he got his instant gratification and will leave you again empty handed.

[bummer]

I know that my self esteem shouldn't derive from men's validation. However...

 

It makes me feel good when guys stop me to call me cute and ask me for my number...I don't know...is that bad?

 

Superficial compliments will fade as time wears on. You'll get old, grey, and fat someday. Someone who's confident from within, pursues interesting goals, has good conversations, and listens well to others is better able to seek what they want and attract the right kind of man. A man who doesn't drag them around in the mud behind them on a leash as they f other women. He doesn't love you. He's holding you hostage as his backup pet.

 

That said, make yourself a new person, enjoy the compliments, but remember the internal journey and don't let the frivolous or temporary distract you from being a better person.

[Zahara]

He used me as a side chick and cheated with me on his new girlfriend.

 

but I believe him when he says that he's loves me and cares for me a lot and will always love me.

 

Tati, from the nature of your posts, you sound young and I believe you mentioned this was your first relationship.

 

When someone loves you, it doesn't come in the form of cheating and lying. If you keep on in this fantasy thinking that love is true just because words are said, then you're heading for a world of disappointment. People will tell you what you need and want to hear. What's important is focusing on actions.

 

A man that loves you does not treat you like a side piece while he courts another woman and prioritizes her feelings.

 

I know it hurts you but the sooner you start to grasp reality, the sooner you move on and the lesson learned here should be to accept BS when you see it rather than romanticize it.

 

I know you want what you had with him to be real and you want to believe that he loved you because anything other would make you feel devalued but you need to start facing truth and learning from this experience.

 

It makes me feel good when guys stop me to call me cute and ask me for my number...I don't know...is that bad?

 

I'm sure everyone feels good when they're complimented. But defining your value based on how many hits you get isn't healthy. Self-esteem is knowing your value without the need for external validation. It's good that you are making changes on your appearance, but it is of more benefit to nurture your inner self as well. There is a reason why you tolerated so much bad behavior and allowed yourself to be treated poorly.

Edited August 31, 2017 by Zahara

[Taticake]

Please don't fall for that. He's in a relationship, what more is there to say really? He loves you so much...? Then why is he with someone else? Why was he willing to give everything up to walk out that door, but is he not willing to man up and walk back? Why not break up with his current girlfriend and take things with you step by step, day by day? Where are the flowers, the love letters with thousands of apologies, why is he not on his knees in front of you begging for forgiveness?

 

You spent a lot of time together, surely it must affect him, but it's not the same feeling you have. Rest assured that the moment you take a bite out of any of his breadcrumbs, you will notice that he got his instant gratification and will leave you again empty handed.

 

Yeah I know I'm not getting any of those things, however, if he truly love his new girlfriend, if he was truly happy, why would he feel the need to message me and tell me he misses me and also check my Facebook page everyday?

[Zahara]

Yeah I know I'm not getting any of those things, however, if he truly love his new girlfriend, if he was truly happy, why would he feel the need to message me and tell me he misses me and also check my Facebook page everyday?

 

I was in a relationship with a cheater. After we ended, he still kept texting and telling me how much he loved me and missed me and was already dating another woman.

 

They don't try to stay in in your life because they love you. They try and stay in your life because they need and want attention. They come from a place of insecurity. They need to feel validated. They cannot stand it when they are not your center anymore. You are a benefit to their ego.

 

And these types circle back to women that they know have poor boundaries. Why? It's because they know they can repeat the cycle with women who will tolerate poor treatment. You taught him that you will tolerate being a side piece. Of course, he will come sniffing.

 

And no, he doesn't truly love his girlfriend. She's just like you. Stuck to a man who "loves" in a dysfunctional pattern.

[Taticake]

I'm sure everyone feels good when they're complimented. But defining your value based on how many hits you get isn't healthy. Self-esteem is knowing your value without the need for external validation. It's good that you are making changes on your appearance, but it is of more benefit to nurture your inner self as well. There is a reason why you tolerated so much bad behavior and allowed yourself to be treated poorly.

 

I am aware that defining my value based solely on others validation isn't healthy. Rest assured that I am also working on other aspects of myself, like my personality and my goals in life. It's just that I feel good after going to the gym, and going shopping. What's wrong with feeling beautiful?

[Zahara]

There is nothing wrong with feeling beautiful. Of course, embrace your beauty inside and out. The external is easy. The internal is a long journey.

 

You made a pin pointed statement that your self-esteem is definitely getting better because you get hit on everyday - it sounded superficial and rather unhealthy.

 

My self esteem is definitely getting better because I get hit on almost everyday.