Everything, heartbreak, trauma, and in between

[Sourpatch]

I don't even know where to begin...

 

I'm a divorced mom to three kids, and just recently begun my experience into the dating world. In two years, I have only really dated two guys somewhat seriously, but in February I met a guy I really did like.

 

I am a high school special ed teacher as my day job, it's important because it causes me to notice quirks in people. On the first date with my ex boyfriend, I got a strong gut feeling that he was on the autism spectrum. It didn't bother me...his quirks were cute and things progressed nicely.

 

Fast forward to May...I get the surprise of my life- ooops I am pregnant. Yep, the absolute last thing I expected. I told my boyfriend and he reacted exactly as expected- FREAK OUT!

 

All through May we talked,texted, and debated what to do. It finally came to a standstill when I could not abort and he said he could not be a father. I ended things with him on May 30 with no plans to pursue child support or have him involved- there was no yelling or drama. We were nice to each other. He said he wanted updates on my health.

 

Fast forward to June 30...I had some tests run, found out that I was having a boy. I contacted him and left a message about if he wanted to know any details. He did. I let him know that we were expecting a healthy boy. No more contact after that.

 

July 5, I go in for a routine ultrasound and there was no heartbeat. Obviously, I am devastated and reeling. We talked that night for an hour and he is crying and yelling at me. We talk again on July 9 for three hours- no longer yelling but crying. On July 14, I have a D&C scheduled and he takes me.

 

When they hook me up to the IV he starts crying, when they began the sedation he's crying, he's crying when they wheel me away. When I wake up, he is crying. He cried the whole drive home apologizing, expressing remorse for how he handled the situation, for wanting to ghost, for how he treated me...for absolutely everything. He said he wants to be there for me after this.

 

I'm a strong, independent lady- single didn't bother me. I wasn't going to go after child support- I was going to raise my baby, live life, be a great mom business as usual.

 

I'm confused now because he says he is sorry and wants to be there for me. Does it mean maybe trying again, was he just feeling sorry for me/even himself? Who knows? He asked if he could eventually check up on me.

 

I don't know if I can ever be casual friends with him, our history involves the loss of our son.

[Amas5750]

Just wanted to say i absolutely admire your strength. I am crumbling as a woman at the moment and your strength reminded me of whats possible.

 

I would personally tale things REAL slow with this man. He DID ghost you whilst pregnant. Huge huge red flag. But he seems remorseful. Very very verrrry slow if you are giving this guy another shot at romance......

[BaileyB]

I'm so sorry for your loss. you are a strong woman and I hope that you allow yourself to take time to grieve the loss of your son.

 

I would not consider continuing my relationship with this man as anything more than a friend. Character is revealed in moments of trial... Although I empathize with him because those on the spectrum have difficulty understanding feelings and this experience clearly exceeded his ability to cope with the situation... I would not trust him in the future.

 

Best wishes to you.

Edited July 15, 2017 by BaileyB

[SammySammy]

Wow. You are strong.

 

While this guy could have some remorse about the way he treated you, the fact remains he abandoned you and his child. His reaction could be relief as much as remorse.

 

I would think twice about having a relationship with a person who could abandon a child. That speaks volumes and you can never tell when (or for what reason) he might freak out and dodge responsibility again.