Depressed, burnedout, apathetic and numb (because of all the lost loves in my life)

[aSadGirl]

I´ve started several diffrent threads on diffrent guys i´ve dated last year which all ended badly... I´m 29 and trying to think it´s going to be ok, that i still got time to find "The One" but i´m starting to be stressed about it.. cause i really want to enjoy YOUTH with the someone special i love... travelling, cuddling, doing things together... before engagement, marriage and kids - living as a happy family forever! I don´t want to be a loner but if feels like that´s what i´ve become... I probably should get some pet but im allergic against fur (and i dont like naked dogs/cats, petting the fur is half the joy with having a pet i think).

 

I can easily get new dates but right now i feel burned out, especially after this last guy i´ve dated a couple of months / spoke 70 hours in phone with:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/622432-did-i-do-my-best-raising-chanse-him-coming-back-during-our-breakup-call

 

It´s been no contact now over 1 month and i miss him badly! I almost want to reach out to him but i feel its goint to end with me getting more hurt I´ve tried to date a bit to get over him, but i feel emotionally tired.. Like i´ve given my all to get to know this guy and make him like me and then it came crashing down and he didnt even had any explanation. I´m so tired of the "be yourself" cliché cause its never working anyway! It feels like im not suitable for anyone and noone for me then either...

 

I´m sick and tired of dating going to hell every time and just taking time off it now but what im doing instead isnt exactly making me fulfilled either.. i know one cant have a realationship before im happy with just myself but i find me empty... like i don´t care about relationships anymore!

 

I barely even care about my friendships! Partly cause they just nag about me "taking control of my life" while i feel that EVEN IF i did everything right, got my job/finances/school in order i´d still wouldn´t getting the love-life i dream about!

 

I got a friend who isnt dating so she cant relate to me, and another friend who is just sleeping around, not looking for love so she cant relate either.. and my family is just nagging me about this too, asking whats wrong with me for not taking charge of my life and not having a partner. My brother god a 2-year old baby with his fiance and they want nephews for him (me getting kids) but right now it feels looong way away from it!

 

I feel like nothing matter anymore.. i feel tired of trying to be happy and "there" for everyone and everything including myself in my life. I feel like i want to sleep forever and after watching the Series "13 reasons why" (about a girl comitting sueside) i can´t exactly say i feel better...

You people will probably just tell me to get help and medication but i don´t believe in such things... i feel like im just misplaced and no one i love is ever going to love me back </3

 

I can´t afford a psycholog anyway and im calling "lines" to speak sometimes but all they are saying to me is "you are young, you still got time" but i don´t feel that way! My youth is passing by me every second and im deeply sad for never having this dream relationship that is all i wish for.

 

Im writing this with tears in my eyes but i feel sortof like im tired of life. My closest are telling me to "get my s-h-ï-t together" and fix school, work etc but i feel weak and like "what does it matter anyway?" all i want to have is a loving relationship but i feels like its impossible... guys always leave me sooner or later.. they seem to be "nice" and like me but not being in love with me in the end... i don´t know what im doing wrong and im tired of searching for answers.

I´ve read tons of informaiton (like several hours everyday FOR YEARS) about how to attact and keep a guy but it seems it doesnt work for me so i stopped recently. I´ve given up to attract and keep a guy, it feels impossible for me, i cant be loved as being myself and no matter how hard i try to enwoke his emotional attraction it always ends.. they seems to like me a lot in the beginning only to realise they dont love me down the road a couple months into dating...

 

Instead im playing a computer-game where i build cities.. i know its childish but i played this game when i was a kid and so its like a sanctuary for me to be in.. it feels like meditation almost to play.. but too bad my life isnt moving forward the slightest when im doing this..

 

I excersise every day for about an hour, the rest of the day i sit quite still.. Im not taking responsibility for my economy/work/school.. i thought i was more balanced now but i feel extermely apathetic, like nothing matters anymore...

excersising makes me feel "still" like im not stressed but at the same time not so happy either. I guess i´ts the dopamine.

 

I´m eating 5HTP pills to raise serotonin levels... don´t know if its working but since newyears when i started eating them i cry a lot less. only about once a week.

 

I do shower every day, doing loundry, dishes.. vacuumcleaner and such but its never 100% clean in my house now.. its like i dont care cause im not having anyone over at my place anyway. Only one first date with a guy 1 week ago but i didnt care so much for him.. we watched a movie, drank tea and talked.. i was feeling lonely and were supposed to meet my friends but they decided to stay in and i was all dolled up with makeup etc so i called this guy to come over. we didnt have sex kissed or anything, just spoke. I wasnt so attracted to him, he tanked me the next day with a kissing-smiley, then let it fade away... or maybe i was the one.. i deleted snapchat where i had him.. but he has my number if he´d really want to call me but i saw him adding girls on instagram so i think he got other prospects...

 

This too makes me down... all the many choices of girls out there! it feels like no guy will choose me.. despite i got a bit going for me. it just seems other girls get more attention.

 

I stopped uploading pics on IG and facebook and generally dont care about much lately...

I guess im trying to find inner peace and happiness inside myself, but it´s very hard...

 

I´m missing the guys who dumped me... thinking back and recalling why it happened. i can "suspect" reasons but it still hurts that they decide to leave me cause of them. I always was a nice girl with good intentions.. but maybe im the corralation to "nice guy", too nice? I don´t know.. yet i´m setting my bounderies, so if a guy don´t call like he promised a sertain time i will call him out on that. Im imagining im just showing i respect myself and demand it from them too, but it feels like they don´t care much...

 

Im having nightmares often and sometimes dreaming about my "lost loves"... they are often quiet and "stone-faced" in my dreams, ignoring me, being cold towards me... like they were IRL... and its hurtful.

 

Im afraid im almost am about to lose it? Living in a surrealistic world.. perhaps i´ll acquire some bad psyhos, schitzofrenia or something soon cause i don´t know how to keep sane amymore.

 

I know im needy, clingy and desperate but its hard to stop being it. Yet as soon as guys on random dating sites shows interest i back away. feeling truely dis-interested in them.. all i want is for someone of my "exes" to want me back and fight for me forever...

I don´t want to move forward.. its so tidious.. streneous.. You will probably tell me to "let go" of the exes and look in the now and future, but its hard to do cause i´m just afraid i will continue this sick pattern where i cant get anyone im dating to love me!

 

I feel almost like a ticking bomb... like one day i will have all my "13 reasons why" to end my life too like Hannah Baker.

Little by little im dying inside by this life not turning out the way i wish it would with a loving partner.

I don´t feel working myself to death and living alone is a life to life... i rather die to be honest and if i wont find anyone soon i´m truely gone by a few years from now im afraid... by age 35 or something.

 

People in other threads are telling me to raise my self-esteem but how do one do that when the only thing that would raise it (being happy in love with a guy who loves me quially or more back) is impossible for me to get to?

 

Anyway, if somebody please can tell me some comforting words you are more than welcome to write them here. (And please check my earlier threads for some insight in what i´ve been though before you write). Thank you!

[BaileyB]

ASadGirl,

 

I'm sorry to hear that you have been struggling. I can appreciate how you are feeling, because it's an awful feeling when you want something so badly but you just can't make it happen.

 

I too was late to find love. I thought it would never happen for me and I have cried your tears to friends and family, thinking that love had passed me by... I have felt the sadness as I watched my friends marry and have children. And, I have felt the weight of expectation from my family. I can appreciate your sadness.

 

However, the extreme emotion that you are feeling is concerning. The fact that you feel you are losing interest in school and friendships, is worrisome. Your belief that finding a man is the only thing that will bring you happiness and restore your self esteem, is simply incorrect.

 

The more desperate and depressed you become, the less likely that you will attract love into your life. The only thing that you control is yourself - you simply must find a way to find other things to help you to be happy, foster other relationships, and focus on self care and your own mental health.

 

I was desperately sad at one time, until the day that I decided that I didn't want to be "that girl" anymore. I didn't want to spend my life waiting for a man to come along and I didn't want to waste my life feeling sad, and anxious, and miserable all the time. I decided to live my life and make peace with the fact that I would be fine - whether love came into my life or not - I would be fine.

 

You are attending school... I would strongly suggest to you that you go to the student counselling centre and ask to speak with someone. Or, go to your doctor. You are tired, and lonely, and sad... you have lost perspective. It's time to ask for some support.

 

And please, suicide is not the answer. This is one season in your life. Although, it may feel like the darkness has settled in and will never leave, it is not true. You have absolutely no idea what will come to you in your life. If you are considering suicide, please talk to your friends or family. Get help.

 

Hugs to you.

Edited May 24, 2017 by BaileyB

[IAmBroken123]

Hi "A sad girl"

 

Me and you are experiencing the exact same things! I'm in my late thirties and all I want is a relationship but I keep getting dumped by men. I would love to chat with you about this. Maybe we can figure this out together and solve the problem somehow. It would be helpful to speak o someone who understands what I'm actually going through. I'm new here and still trying to learn my way around. Is there a way to private messAge members? Please respond. I would love to speak to you.

 

Laura

[Bastile]

I am of the complete opposite disposition than you are. Yet I still have a lot of problems. They are just different problems.

 

There's always something in this life...

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=llia7gdJd40

 

The trick is to have the perspective to understand that it's a journey, and see it as such. Rather than obsess over the destination.

 

I like talking to people with completely different perspectives whilst experiencing essentially the same things. And I think that one of the differences that we have is that you are on the search for the one.

 

I personally take dating to be two ships passing in the night. Perhaps even going in completely different directions, and that's okay. It's actually quite beautiful...

 

...but ultimately the journey is our own.

[Chilli]

Hiya Sg,. l'm so sorry about all your feelings and what your going through .

It's so wrong of friends and family to say things like that and make you feel like that because no one can control or just make love happen. It just doesn't work like that. And hell your only 29 that's nothing these days,

l think your rushing things a bit to though in other ways , like dating so soon after just breaking up.

Holy hell you've gotta work through your feelings and get over it first .

But look , on the man front , it's pretty simple , you just haven't met the right one yet, yaknow.

So ease up on yourself about that sh@t, ok. You don't even want the wrong one to stick around anyway, it can't go anywhere.

But when you meet the right one ,it'll all fall into shape for you , you'll see.

Step back from all that and just get back into life until someone worthwhile and special pops up , and they will ,don't worry.

But if your tied up with time wasters when they do , you'll miss each other , yaknow.. And meantime you'll be getting even more burn out.

 

l know it's easier said than done but you really gotta ease up on yourself.

And if it's any consolation l'm 20yrs older and have just come out of divorce and then my first gf since and l have broken up so l'm wondering too , and a little worried , l must admit. Never saw myself here at this age.

But you've gotta just try try to ease it all up in your sitch. Ease up on you , find your life again and your interests and stuff again ,have yourself a well earned break from the crap and later on when it's ready everything will fall into place.

Good luck .

[Blanco]

If it's any consolation, you were not really in love with these guys. You simply get attached way too easily and way too intensely. That is not real love. Hopefully you can do some self-work and get to a point where you realize that.