76 days NC and starting to struggle

[lost87]

I my ex girlfriend of 4 years (living together) broke up with me end of feb, i moved out a week later and went straight into no contact and am on day 76. The first couple of weeks were quite tough, running it all through my head trying to figure out why it happened an what she was thinking etc. As time has went on she has been less and less in my thought although i have always still missed her an the life that we had, i was content and the breakup was sudden. Over the past week or so i have noticed it has began to get quite difficult, i think i am becoming depressed. I have started to feel lonely and pine for my old life. Before now i have felt sort of motivated and hopeful about bettering myself, continuing on and finding someone else but those positive feelings are beginning to fade an im just being left with lathargy, tiredness, lonliness, anxiety and hopelessness. I really dont want to fall down into a dark pit an struggle to climb out again, as ive struggled with depression in the past and know how hard it is. Is it normal for these feelings to arise after doing good for so long and has anybody any tips or experience on how to overcome these negative feelings.

[Heatemyheart89]

Very normal feelings . Grief is not linear and you will go through these feelings at some point . Sorry you suffer with depression, I do too . It's tough but be kind to yourself.

[penelopeanne]

I completely understand. I suffer from depression as well and had a tough year last year and had to go on meds again.

I actually went completely off of them about a month before the break up.

I have been managing to get through the depression in other ways....there have been periods of time where I lost motivation and I have definitely isolated myself a lot.

I am trying to find alternative ways to help, some days harder than others.

my break up was end of february as well, and I can say that the depression part has eased up a bit.

thank goodness we are getting into better weather here, that helps.

getting outside helps me a lot. walking, riding my bike, sitting on my porch to read.

I mostly read self help type books now but i have a list of other books and that is my goal this next coming week to add non self help stuff.

writing is a good release.

I make lists and hang them on my wall. for a while it was negative aspects of my ex or the relationship. things that were lacking.

lists of things that make me feel good, of goals.

people I love.

I have started getting back into yoga. I get massages when I can.

take baths. spend some time trying to be present.

just trying to be gentle with yourself can help.

hoping you feel better soon!

[Superchicken]

Cooking is something that I have thought I would do if ever my relationship hit the dumpster..

Cooking is really hard, and takes a lot of time and thought.

Women, and men, love that their spouse could cook. Its a high commodity in a relationship. The old saying, "The way to a mans heart is through his stomach" tells you just how important it is.

 

 

Take classes, and you will meet others in the process.

You never know, as your next GF may well be from there, or the supermarket..

 

 

Ted

[mightycpa]

Depression or not, what you will experience is like a rough surf. Emotions roiling back and forth, sometimes a small window of relief, and other times, tall crushing waves of sadness, remorse, guilt, betrayal, etc.

 

You will crave the ability to understand but you'll never understand until the storm dies down. The trick is that you have to weather the storm. You can't go inside a little protective bubble to shield you from the worst of it. You have to face thsoe horrible waves, let them crash into you, get spun around, scrape your face on the bottom, pick yourself up and go do it again.

 

If you let it, this experience will make you very strong. If you shy away from your pain, it may consume you for a lot longer than is necessary.

[Blanco]

Well, for one, stop counting the days. This isn't a prison sentence.

 

Counting helps in the first couple of weeks, but after that, you're making it about them. Instead, you need to be viewing this NC not as some finite period, but rather, what it is: Your life.