Family or Boyfriend? What would you do?

[BrokenFlower26]

My now ex-boyfriend suffers with manic depression and hasn't been settled in his mind for the last couple of years. We were only together 4 months but we clicked and had a really good emotional connection. I was his rock, and being a sufferer with Anxiety, he was my rock.

 

His Depression started becoming a problem in our relationship and I found it hard to deal with his constant paranoia, insecurities and trust issues which became overpowering and I felt as though I wasn't free to do other things without him questioning what I was doing or who I was really with. We always talked it through and more often then not, never argued.

 

Then he became suicidal again and having a history of overdosing he was crying out for the help he desperately wanted but wasn't really getting anywhere. This proved to much for my Anxiety and after being in a stressful job and having issues of my own, I didn't know which way to turn.

 

I wouldn't stay with him Friday night, due to other commitments so we argued over the phone where he was accusing me of cheating etc and it went from bad to worse when he shouted down the phone at my Mum. Later that night he was drunk and nasty - saying he was getting a taxi to mine and my Mum's flat. This panicked my Mum due to his past violent background. The hurtful things he said I ended it with him and ignored all calls/texts over the weekend.

 

When I eventually picked up the phone to him. He was in a bad way, he'd been talking to Mental Health teams etc and was getting the help he recognises he needs. But my Mum seen it as disobeying all we'd spoken about and agreed to that he isn't right and needs to be out of my life for good. I thought getting in contact would reassure her mind as well as my grandparents (he turned up there demanding to know where I was) that this guy isn't a dangerous person.

 

Now my Mum and grandparents are saying if I have anymore involvement with him they don't want to know.. and that I would have to move out and it would be a constant worry to them about the future I may have.

 

My friends see him as being emotionally manipulating and attention seeking but I know from his past and upbringing he has not had an easy life and I know right now he is suffering and is at a loss end.

 

All I want to do is run to him and tell him everything is going to be alright but on the other hand I understand my families concerns but I still want involvement with him because to abandon him because he's not well mentally I feel is not love. We've shared so many happy times together over the past few months and he's treated me in all the right ways any woman should be treated.

 

I feel torn. I need advice. But no one understands and no one is showing any compassion.

[d0nnivain]

You are his GF, actually EX GF now, not his shrink. He has mental health professionals to deal with his very serious medical issues. If you also have anxiety you don't have the capacity, never mind the skills, to help him. Stop trying before he pulls you down with him.

 

 

If he's been violent, you have to stay away. Your family is giving you the tough love you need to give him.

[mightycpa]

My now ex-boyfriend suffers with manic depression and hasn't been settled in his mind for the last couple of years.

I did read the rest, but made up my mind right here, and nothing you said changed it.

 

Family.

[Frostedflake]

It's not because he has a mental illness. But because he hasn't recieved treatment, been stable, or provided you and your family with peace of mind that he intends to until he is forced. Maybe he gets better someday. Not your job to wait around until he does and the break up might even be motivational.

[JLM19802017]

Before your Ex can truly have a chance at having a healthy relationship with you or anyone else, he first needs to work through the healing process of recovering from his past. I do not know his story, but sometimes manic depression can be a result of childhood abuse where the person was never given coping skills to manage the pain in a healthy way. You can google studies on the relation between abuse and Bipolar/manic depression/other mental illnesses. At this time, I would recommend that you only be friends with him if in his life at all. I understand that you want to be supportive, but if at any time there is the temptation to get into a romantic relationship with him again before he has gone through the healing process, I would cut all ties. Your caring deeply for him, could actually impede his healing process and put you in the position of Co-Dependency. Encourage him to not only do regular counseling and get medicated if he needs it in the meantime while he heals. Sometimes the "chemical imbalance" of a manic depressive actually is resolved once the person heals the root issues of the trauma and learns how to use healthy coping skills like the reguiding and renewal of negative thought processes. There are a few books that I would recommend. One is for you, "Boundaries" by Henry Cloud. The others are for him to help him through the healing process, "Battlefield of the Mind" by Joyce Meyer, "Changes that Heal" by Henry Cloud, "The Search for Significance" by Robert McGee, "Hope Prevails" by Dr. Michelle Bengtson and "Keep Your Love On" by Danny Silk. There are also some YouTube videos by Dr. Caroline Leaf that cover the biblical basis of renewal of the mind with scientific proof of it's power to rewire the way the brain thinks and manages emotions.

 

My life is a testimony of someone who was Bipolar/Manic Depressive for 20 years(10 diagnosed) who went through the process of healing, with God and modern medicine until now when I am completely medication free and depression free for almost a year now. In the past, apart from utilizing my faith in God and the Bible to help me heal, I would go off of medication, only to be suicidal within weeks afterwards. There is hope. God is real. And He is a healer.