It does get better

[DarrenB]

Hi fellow Loveshack members/advocates,

 

My activity on here has depleted and gradually decreased, but fortunately for good reasons rather than bad. I'm going to try and be quite brief with this thread as I'm aware that in-depth posts with an abundance of text/paragraphs don't really bode well with the community

 

I came here last year, 30th of August to be exact. From what I remember, I was in an incredibly depressive state due to a break up with a considerably long term ex. I was a mess and I needed guidance and support because due to my mental and emotional health beforehand, during and after this predicament I was struggling to see the purpose in life, my own purpose as well as anything else. For 6/7 months I had put myself through unnecessary commotion, emotions and situations that had no benefits for me, and fundamentally made me worse.

 

Now that I've given the brief, I'd like to provide my conclusion, epiphanies and current thoughts...

 

It is now the 15th of May, 2017 (8 1/2 months after the initial breakup) and I can honestly say I have never felt more confident and 'happy' in my entire life. I relapsed dozens of times, and I perhaps did certain things I shouldn't had in the first few months, but as each month progressed, I had questioned and asked myself 'It's actually getting better, isn't it?' and at this current point in time I feel no need at all to ask myself and repeat this question. I no longer feel pessimistic, I no longer feel self-loathe for myself, I no longer cry and weep at the thought of my ex with someone else and moving one, I no longer wish myself to not be alive, and I most certainly now do not believe that there is no silver lining in life. I can assertively say I no longer have feelings, care or love for her. I do not miss her, I do not want her.

 

Believe me... it took ALOT of self-lecturing, guidance from others, independence, time, patience and emotional/mental endurance to overcome the loss of her and to ever so finally move on completely but it was achievable and it has now been achieved. I must also exclaim my gratitude and thank the LS community for providing me tough love but strong support in my early days of despair and lack of hopefulness. So again, thank you.

 

I am in a very well payed business/finance occupation and I love it, I am motivated, I feel semi-confident with myself, I have overcome depression and MDD, and I am enjoying the experiences that I am being given and creating. This, is what you all should feel when you're in the climax of moving on.

 

So what have I learnt personally from the past 8 months?

 

- Love doesn't come only once. If your heart has been broken, it's okay; it will mend and you will learn to love again and when that time comes you will find requited love.

 

- When you face struggles in life, think of the positive: be the optimist, not the pessimist (this was a difficult lessons for me).

 

- It's good to be independent, but it's even better to be social and spend time with people and create new experiences with others (another incredibly difficult lesson).

 

- Stress is an awful emotion to feel. Whenever you feel like this, reflect on why you are stressed and resolve the issue by avoiding and/or enduring the cause of it.

 

- Be courteous - be brave and be strong at all times.

 

Now, to any of those still in an enigmatic state due to a breakup or anything related to that:

 

I'll be cliche with my phrasing, but it does get better. It may take some time, it may take having to step outside your comfort zone, it may take finding yourself again but it will become better, but only when you allow it too. You must acknowledge and learn that your entire life doesn't revolve around one particular situation or person, it mostly revolves around your actions to these things and basically anything in general. Reason with yourself, love yourself and experience the world. You can do it. Believe in yourself.

 

'We will all grow from our own tragedies and pain. It is a nature to feel a tendency to relapse and remain broken, hurt and in despair. But don't give in to harrowing temptations, don't give in to your demons. For I have witnessed pain and suffering, I am a young advocate of solitude and independence. I had lost love, meaningful love. I bestow empathy upon you to go through it yourselves, I bestow sympathy for you who must struggle through the heartbreak and sadness. But, believe me. You will overcome and surpass. TIME is of the essence, TIME is your friend. You are your own love, don't be doubted by other's negligence and false unrequited love. For you, will seek and find it again.'

 

 

I'll conclude on with of my favorite poems; 'The Laughing Heart' by Charles Bukowski. I read this almost every day:

 

'your life is your life

don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.

be on the watch.

there are ways out.

there is a light somewhere.

it may not be much light but

it beats the darkness.

be on the watch.

the gods will offer you chances.

know them.

take them.

you can’t beat death but

you can beat death in life, sometimes.

and the more often you learn to do it,

the more light there will be.

your life is your life.

know it while you have it.

you are marvelous

the gods wait to delight

in you.'

 

Whoever has read the entire thread, thank-you for reading and I hope you have a great day. Godspeed.

 

D.

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Edited May 15, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[sorano]

amen darren. Amen,

[Deadmeat]

Hey Darren,

 

Great to see. You and I both came here on August 30th and have endured on similar time lines. I too as well no longer harbour feelings of love for my ex. It is an amazing thing to be on this side of life. I am much stronger now. Glad you are also.

 

Good speed to you as well.

[penelopeanne]

thank you for sharing this, i know there is a light somewhere trying to come through. I have been heartbroken before and mended it. it is hard work.

I am grateful to have found this place to help me for the time being.

I'm glad you are doing well.

[EA_2132]

Thanks so much for this! It's a comfort to know it does get better!!

Can I ask how long you were together and how old you are?

I recently ended my relationship of 7 years and feel like I'm the worse person in the world right now keep thinking of all our memories and things I will miss

[mousse]

Hi,

 

 

I agree with you Darren, it gets better. It takes a long time, a lot of courage, patience, and inner work, but eventually, you do heal from even the worst of break ups.

 

 

Congrats on your recovery,

Mousse

 

[DarrenB]

Thanks so much for this! It's a comfort to know it does get better!!

Can I ask how long you were together and how old you are?

I recently ended my relationship of 7 years and feel like I'm the worse person in the world right now keep thinking of all our memories and things I will miss

 

Hi EA,

 

That's no problem! Fundamentally it gets better when you allow it to. Of course there will be difficulties in the process, but it's part and parcel of growth, self-development and self-preservation & fulfillment.

 

We were together for around 2 years, and I'm currently 18. I know that to a majority of people, they'd probably perceive it as a typical 'teenage romance' but personally taking into consideration the involvement of how we both were so romantically invested in each other, I wouldn't call it that but it doesn't matter now and I'm 100% content keeping it that way

 

Do not ridicule and insult yourself, you are not a bad person. Unfortunately there are times where nothing lasts forever; it's inevitable sometimes. 7 years is an awful long time and I'm sure that emotions are most likely still running incredibly high for yourself. Just remember, it's okay to grieve and let your emotions get the better of you, just so long as you acknowledge and realize that it's perhaps for the best then you will be on a road to recovery in no time. I know it may not seem like it, but you will for sure fulfill what you wish to achieve and succeed in, and I'm sure you will find love again, perpetual love.

 

Take care.

[DarrenB]

Hi,

 

 

I agree with you Darren, it gets better. It takes a long time, a lot of courage, patience, and inner work, but eventually, you do heal from even the worst of break ups.

 

 

Congrats on your recovery,

Mousse

 

 

Absolutely right Mousse.

 

Thanks a bunch. Godspeed.

[EA_2132]

Hi EA,

 

That's no problem! Fundamentally it gets better when you allow it to. Of course there will be difficulties in the process, but it's part and parcel of growth, self-development and self-preservation & fulfillment.

 

We were together for around 2 years, and I'm currently 18. I know that to a majority of people, they'd probably perceive it as a typical 'teenage romance' but personally taking into consideration the involvement of how we both were so romantically invested in each other, I wouldn't call it that but it doesn't matter now and I'm 100% content keeping it that way

 

Do not ridicule and insult yourself, you are not a bad person. Unfortunately there are times where nothing lasts forever; it's inevitable sometimes. 7 years is an awful long time and I'm sure that emotions are most likely still running incredibly high for yourself. Just remember, it's okay to grieve and let your emotions get the better of you, just so long as you acknowledge and realize that it's perhaps for the best then you will be on a road to recovery in no time. I know it may not seem like it, but you will for sure fulfill what you wish to achieve and succeed in, and I'm sure you will find love again, perpetual love.

 

Take care.

 

 

Thank you!! Fingers crossed for me then. I just feel like I have restarted al over again from when I was like 20