metrognome Posted May 11, 2017 Share Posted May 11, 2017 Venting on here to avoid saying anything to my ex-boyfriend (first time I've used that term) in my darkest hour. 3 weeks today you ended it and it doesn't hurt any less than the moment I realised that's what you were doing. It's a worse pain - no longer the sheer panic and denial but the realisation that you're not going to come running back into my arms crying that you made a mistake and you can't live without me. Because you can live without me and you have done for 3 weeks, whilst I have been completely and utterly unable to function. I keep forgetting that you had a choice and you actually chose this over being with me. But I'm still no closer to fully grasping how this has happened. How we can go from how we were to how we are now, with very little time in between. How we can go from spending all of our time together and being each other's reasons for getting through this year, to not even talking. The sickening feeling that I'll never get to spend any real time with you again. I'm angry I can't live my life normally anymore. I'm angry I can't even be in university, the place that made me so happy, because I can't focus on a single thing knowing you're round the corner. I'm angry I can't enjoy the good weather with my friends and you because my life has literally been torn apart. I'm angry I have no choice other than to be at home with my family because I'm too tempted to try and fix something that isn't going to get fixed. I'm angry I only have a few weeks left before I graduate and I've gone from being the happiest person in the world to the most hurt, and I can't enjoy anything I used to anymore. I can't leave the house without bursting into tears, everything reminds me of you, and how happy we were. This time last year was the honeymoon phase of our relationship, it was perfect, and I would do anything to have it back. & I know you're hurting too, but I just don't understand why you would put us both through this. Why we met up last week only for you to be crying your eyes out but refusing to change your mind. Why are you so hurt. Why wouldn't you overcome this with me. Why won't you let yourself be happy. It kills me that I can't be anywhere near you when that is all I want. I can't sit these exams. I just want normality. Study together, relax together, go out together, enjoy each other, love each other. Forget all the stupid things. What if this year ends and I never see you again.. Link to post Share on other sites
la74219 Posted May 11, 2017 Share Posted May 11, 2017 I am sorry you are going through this. This too shall pass. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 11, 2017 Share Posted May 11, 2017 I'm sorry you are hurting. But pull yourself together. Do whatever you have to do to compartmentalize the hurt to get through your exams successfully. Then you can deal with this. hugs. Hang in there. Summer's coming. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author metrognome Posted May 11, 2017 Author Share Posted May 11, 2017 Exhausted with the constant sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Feeling a weird sense of guilt every time I slightly get my appetite back...so as soon as I put the first piece of food in my mouth it's gone again. Alllll day every day Link to post Share on other sites
Author metrognome Posted May 11, 2017 Author Share Posted May 11, 2017 I'm sorry you are hurting. But pull yourself together. Do whatever you have to do to compartmentalize the hurt to get through your exams successfully. Then you can deal with this. hugs. Hang in there. Summer's coming. Thanks d0nni. I'll get through this. Work first, sort the rest out later 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 11, 2017 Share Posted May 11, 2017 Good for you! You have your priorities in order. You WILL get through this. Keep posting here. It's a supportive place to vent. Link to post Share on other sites
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