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Strongly attracted to a married work colleague...how do I cope?


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

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Old 10th January 2017, 4:52 PM   #1
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Question Strongly attracted to a married work colleague...how do I cope?

I am 37 and have developed strong feelings for a work colleague. I have worked with her for around 3 years, this last 6 months I can't stop thinking about her. We say hi on a daily basis but don't converse regularly. She has never given any signs she is in any way interested in me, other than being polite. I am also in a long term relationship, for around 4 years. I love my partner very much. I am dying to tell my work colleague about my feelings but realise this is not a good idea! I need advice on how to cope? I can't leave my job...any advice would be appreciated!!
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Old 10th January 2017, 5:47 PM   #2
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Take a cold shower and understand that work crushes are totally normal and harmless so long as you don't take it any further than quiet admiration.

In your case, telling this woman how you feel would be a monumentally dumb idea, since not only are you both in relationships, but you say she has not expressed any interest in you. Acting on your feelings in this case sounds like a good way to get hit with some sort of sexual harassment allegation.
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Old 10th January 2017, 6:21 PM   #3
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You say you don't converse regularly - so I assume she's not a constant feature of your work life. That's good. You should avoid her as much as possible without being rude or hurting your work. Likewise, avoid any following her on social media or stuff like that.

You're projecting some fantasies on this woman for whatever reason. That's not a crime. But you already seem to realize there's zero hope for taking this any further, so as much as you can try to tamp down the infatuation.
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Old 10th January 2017, 6:24 PM   #4
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Thanks Blanco! Anybody any other advice other than taking a cold shower...I'm not stupid enough to say anything to this girl...just looking advice on how to move forward practically
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Old 10th January 2017, 6:37 PM   #5
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I mean, really, what else is there to do? You have a work crush/infatuation. Just understand that fantasy and reality are two totally separate things and you should treat them accordingly.
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Old 10th January 2017, 6:47 PM   #6
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Mash:

Crushes tend to die down naturally over time when you're not interacting with the person regularly and when there's no sparks flying to encourage deeper infatuation. From what you're saying, both conditions are true of your case, so that's good.

Beyond that, it's a mental game. When you find yourself thinking of her or fantasizing, consciously try to divert your thoughts in another direction instead of letting yourself indulge.

I will say it's A LITTLE odd that you've developed this crush without any positive signs of encouragement from the woman herself. Most crushes are based on at least some level of mutual interest/flirtation. But that's all the more reason to remind yourself that this really is just an unrealistic fantasy that's confined to your own head.
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Old 10th January 2017, 7:11 PM   #7
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What can I say she is a beautiful woman, who is friendly and charming. Iv tried avoiding her, and will continue to do so...
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