Why does it seem easier to leave, than fix a relationship?

[jorgeg3d]

In today's day and age, people don't know how to communicate with each other. They don't know how to listen, then respond. They only tend to react, react to emotions, to the temporary feeling of whatever their current state of mind is.

 

Why is it so easy to leave, than fix what you've got? We are human, not an adamant object that can be so easily replaced like a TV or a chair. You will never find another person like the last person you were with, some will be better, some will be worse, never the same.

 

Some people take more care of their cars than they do their significant others. What is wrong with that picture? Something that is so "easily" replaceable becomes the one thing you'd rather not replace.

 

Everyone wants that long lasting love, the kind you love to wake up in the morning with someone, and cant wait to see them when you get home from work kind. But not many are willing to work for it, they think it's just supposed to magically happen or magically stays the same way without putting in the work. Do you think old couples grow old together out of pure faith, or love or just cheer luck? No they work for it, they fight for what they love and what they know can come to fruition.

 

I'm here because I had a special someone once, but she quite on me and us. No one can go to the top of the mountain alone. It takes a team, it takes time and it takes WORK! That is what a long lasting love and relationship is like.

[Philosoraptor]

Society has slowly conditioned people to expect instant gratification

 

It's always easier to quit than to work through the tough times. Each person needs to be willing to put in that effort for the other. Once two people meet who are willing to put that effort in for one another, they can achieve the kind of everlasting happiness that they desire.

 

Consider it a blessing in disguise that someone lets you know clearly they aren't willing to work for you, rather than jerking you around.

[jorgeg3d]

I agree, but I guess I'm old fashioned. If you don't have insurmountable problems, IE, abuse of any kind or infidelity etc, you make things work.

 

Thank you for your perspective though.

Edited December 6, 2016 by jorgeg3d

[Philosoraptor]

I agree, but I guess I'm old fashioned. If you don't have insurmountable problems, IE, abuse of any kind or infidelity etc, you make things work.

 

Thank you for y our perspective though.

The issue isn't what one believes is fixable, it comes down to the desire to fix it.

 

One must feel that it is worth their time to put in such an effort.

[jorgeg3d]

The issue isn't what one believes is fixable, it comes down to the desire to fix it.

 

One must feel that it is worth their time to put in such an effort.

 

 

If the love is not there, I agree 100%

[RecentChange]

Well, I think its important to realize that something is worth saving, or worth the work before investing so much into it.

 

I have seen many people cling desperately to TERRIBLE relationships. Relationships that damage their self-worth, relationships that harm their future, relationships that are all around unhealthy.

 

While fixing a relationship takes more work than leaving…. I will counter that many simply stay in bad relationships because its easier than leaving.

 

For me personally – when it comes to my marriage, I am in the “fix it” rather than leave it category. I think what we have, the care we have for each other is really special. And we have been through some crap that would cause others to walk away (his cheating, my cheating) – but we love the heck out of each other and are willing to put in the work.

 

I do wake up happy to see him every morning, every morning we tell each other “I love you” and share a kiss, as usual, he smiled, gave me a compliment and said he would see me soon (when I get home from work). Its our daily routine, and I can’t wait to get home to him at the end of the day (its not unusual for me to cancel evening plans because I would rather be home with him).

 

Despite the crap we have put each other through, we have NEVER gone to bed angry or separate, we have always been able to make amends and cuddle up to sleep.

 

Our rough patches would have been relationship enders for many – and I think that often they should be. But sometimes you do have something worth fighting for, and putting in the work for. Its something that I am humbled by and proud of at the same time.

[jorgeg3d]

And that is what I'm talking about! Two people putting in the effort is what this message is about. Again, some relationships are destined for failure, but for those that fight it out and love each other unconditionally to stick it through, that's the magic people think that's keeping it together.

 

Love is not based on conditions, if you do this, I'll do that etc. Love one another, your faults, your good/bad and all of your perfect imperfections.

[bruindds]

I get it completely...

About 6 months before my ex and I broke up, I could see there were some issues, so i suggested couples counseling. She basically said 'why would I do that, we aren't married, there's no 401k involved'

She had no interest in actually facing our and her issues. What a surprise, things just got worse from there and we broke up. I too thought we had something special that was worth working on...she had other thoughts clearly

[Michelle ma Belle]

I get it and understand your point of view but there is another side to this...

 

There are relationships where one partner works like a slave to save it. That's not to say they go about it in all the right ways but they at least try. And there are partners, who for better or worse, are complacent and even though things may be challenging and their lives unhappy they'd rather stick their head in the stand than make a move in either direction.

 

Who's right?

 

At some point someone and something's got to give.

 

Would you blame the partner who tried and tried to save his/her marriage but after years of beating their head against a wall they decide to finally check out? Would you praise the partner for sticking it out for years and years despite all the problems and unhappiness but has no desire to actually fix anything?

 

Staying in and fixing a broken relationship isn't as black and white as you're making it out to be unfortunately. There are many shades to it.

 

Yes, there are plenty of people who bolt at the first sign of anything uncomfortable but there are just as many people who sincerely want to work things out but can't because of a partner who chooses to remain in denial and prefers to sweep sh*t under the rug.

 

Quality over quantity I suppose.

 

Just my two cents.

[jorgeg3d]

 

Would you blame the partner who tried and tried to save his/her marriage but after years of beating their head against a wall they decide to finally check out? Would you praise the partner for sticking it out for years and years despite all the problems and unhappiness but has no desire to actually fix anything?

 

Staying in and fixing a broken relationship isn't as black and white as you're making it out to be unfortunately. There are many shades to it.

 

See, but that's my point. It takes 2 to tango. Its never fair for it to be one sided, regardless of the situation. But as Bruindds mentioned, maybe there was no need for counseling but maybe just some real communication without pointing fingers, and well talking like adults.

 

This is all for naught if either one in the relationship doesn't love the other. If there's no love, then there's no relationship. For me, if you love someone, you never let them go.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

The choice is yes, or no.

 

It is black and white.

 

All the other **** is just background noise.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

PS - "Fighting" for the one you love can also get a restraining order slapped against you. If you're a guy and you keep chasing a girl who CLEARLY is not interested in you, you will be labeled a creep and everything else under the sun.

 

Know when to throw in the towel. Saying someone wants to work on the relationship, and banging their friend every other chance they get, is not fixing a relationship. That's getting strung along and played.