It's so hard to walk away...forever:-(

[Agem2161]

Hello everyone,

 

I've been on this site for awhile. I've posted in "second chances" when I really should have been posting here. So here I am hoping to get an "ahh ha" moment. So here it goes.

 

12 years ago I met a guy and fell in love and was with him for a little over 2 years. I met him on the job and his sister worked with me. I kept hearing how this guy "thought I wanted him" and at the time that was far from the truth he wasn't my type ( so I thought). I was a manager at a fast food restaurant at that time and his sister was a cashier. One day he (my ex) came to the job and asked if he could take me out for a bite to eat and drinks. It was a Friday and I a drink sounded great so I accepted the invite and the rest is history. He and I were inseparable (so I thought). Things were wonderful until I found out he was cheating on me. This crushed me and the apartment I had that he spent every night at for the 2.5 years wasn't the same so I decided not to renew my lease and move on from him and it. When I found out about him cheating we got into a horrible argument and he just disappeared for 2 weeks. During those 2 weeks I was packing up and moved. But once I got settled in my new place I kept thinking of him and just wanted to know that he was ok. I called his house and his sister answered said he wasn't there so I asked her to have him give me a call.

 

When he called he asked where I was and why was the old apartment empty. I told him. Things were weird with us during this time but I was hoping for the best. I kept seeing him and sleeping with him and ended up pregnant. I called to tell him this information and he said " I don't have time for this ish, I'm in the car with my Mother." and hung up on me. I was devastated. To add more salt to the wound my friend called and told me he was with the chick that he cheated on me with. I found the number called and asked to speak to him. But the chick wanted to talk so I told her everything which he denied. Told her he didn't know me and that she was his woman. He then took the phone from her and asked " Does anybody want to speak to this person on the phone?' and before he hung up he said to me, " I thought you went to your home town and hung up. (Now that I'm reading this I was a real fool in love). So I decided to end the pregnancy (please don't judge me) and pick up the pieces and move on which was hard but I did it.

 

Now here it is 12 years later and guess who is working at the job I just applied for??? His sister!!! OMG this world is hella small. When I saw her I knew immediately who she was and I told myself I was not going to acknowledge that fact. I figured it's been 12 years and a lot has changed about me physically and mentally ( for the better that is) but them came the day that she connected the dots and asked me was my name Jane Doe? I told her yes and she seemed to be overjoyed. We hugged and caught up but then she said" I have to tell my brother you work with me, again!!

 

I told her that wasn't necessary but she did it anyway and from that point on every time she saw me it was " my brother said hello" and my brother wants you to call him. I stood firm and told her to tell him hello but a phone call was out the question. She was very persistent. And then one day just before she went out on maternity leave she said" I told my brother I would try one more time to give you his number" well she succeeded because my dumb butt took his number.

 

Now I kept the number in my phone for 3 months until one drunken night I got to scrolling through my contact list and came across his name. Yep I sent a text that said " Guess who". He called we caught up and one of the things I wanted to know was, was he married or in a relationship he said " No". Still a liar because after I finally took his number from his sister she said, " I did my part and now I'm out of it." I wanted to ask his sister then what was her brother relationship status but I felt that wasn't cool and just ask him. But she already let me know the tea when she gave her disclosure.

 

Apparently when I came on the seen he and his girlfriend were "on the outs" and I was just a place filler. So me being stupid and feeling God brought back the love of my life I went full throttle trying to get him to give us a second chance he told me not right now. So while my stupid butt was here thanking God for his return he and his girlfriend were ironing out there issues and she moved back to his house with their children.

 

I did the No Contact thing and it was working but I broke it by answering his text and now I'm back getting crumbs. Everytime I tell him I can't do this with him and for him to leave me alone he comes for me so hard and once I get sucked back in he disappears.

 

I'm so afraid that if I stick to no contact for real then he will go away forever and part of me doesn't want that. I really love this man but I know that he is not the man for me and I'm not strong enough to be just his friend I want more from him but I also know that won't happen either. So how do I walk away and never look back again? Why can't I just let go of this hope of us being "happily ever after". This is not fair why do people like causing good people pain? I find myself wishing I was her but then he would be cheating on me with her and whoever else. I just want to get over this man and to be able to see him out somewhere and not feel anything for him as I say hello. Sorry if I'm rambling and my apologies for this lengthy thread but all replies are wanted and welcome.

 

Thank you.

[bummer]

So how do I walk away and never look back again? Why can't I just let go of this hope of us being "happily ever after". This is not fair why do people like causing good people pain?

 

 

"This is not fair, why do I like causing myself pain?"

 

Time for a complete overhaul of your life if you are willing and can afford it. Get out, get out, get out, and move far away. Start new and fresh and with time it will fade as you reclaim yourself for you.