Hard times

[sherbmeister]

Hello, I've posted here before when my fiance broke up with me a month and a half ago. Its gonna be almost a month now since I initiated no contact after she was texting me how I was doing and stuff like that, told her we shouldnt talk unless she wants something serious, and cut it there.

 

It's so hard not to break contact now, even though I know it wont help at all... I dream about her almost every night, sometimes two times a night, good dreams... bad dreams... its with her in them. All I think about is her..

 

I try not to be sad and bummed about it, when Im out with friends and Im basically always out doing something, but the few hours I'm alone .. .are excruciating, I feel empty and alone, even though girls seem to wanna engage with me, I just can't do sh*t about it... all I want is.. her, nobody else, and I know.. "she left you, you'll find someone better, ect" it's not like that, its not that easy when you've spent 4 years with someone who wanted to have kids and get married and I blow it because life throws depression at me with my parents health issues and deaths.

 

It's hard when your relationship is perfect in any way, you barely argue and you life together for so long but you get lost in the mix and forget what's important and you realise it only when you lose it... I don't know what to do with my life now.. Is there someone here who goes through some similar situations and wants to talk? or advices, anything... how the hell do I deal with this..

 

The pain is real, i'd rather lose an arm and feel that pain right now than this sh*t.

[palacsinta32]

This is my first time posting on here. I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. I don't know what to say that will make it better but I do understand the pain you're going through as my relationship of 4 years is slowly and painfully coming to an end. Likewise, we never fought, got along as best friends and shared so much together, but issues with depression and fear of intimacy on his part led to the eventual demise of our relationship. The pain and suffering will not last forever and just like a physical injury, with time the heart will heal. Take as much care of yourself as possible during this time, self love is the most important thing right now.

[spiderowl]

I am sorry to hear how you are feeling. You are grieving a loss - the loss of your ex, the life you anticipated having together. It takes time to grieve but it will pass, just hang on in there and try to look after yourself. Your whole body chemistry will take time to right itself. Loss is a shock to the system and it takes time to adjust, even when you think it shouldn't.

 

Look after yourself as you would look after any hurt person. Treat yourself, do things that make you feel good. Spend time with people whose company you enjoy. Eat well, get plenty of rest, do things you enjoy that make you feel relaxed. Cry when you feel like it. Gradually you will start to pull out of this state.

 

You are actually doing great to keep no contact. She will become a distant memory eventually, though I know it is hard to believe that now. Remind yourself of the unpleasant things she said and did, if necessary, to counteract that glowing and unrealistic image your imagination keeps trying to conjure up for you.

 

You are probably not ready for a new relationship, even though girls obviously like you and are showing interest in you. Make new friends of them for now. Tell them where you are emotionally so that they understand your reactions. People can be supportive. Prepare the way for when your energy and optimism returns.

[Satu]

I am sorry to hear how you are feeling. You are grieving a loss - the loss of your ex, the life you anticipated having together. It takes time to grieve but it will pass, just hang on in there and try to look after yourself. Your whole body chemistry will take time to right itself. Loss is a shock to the system and it takes time to adjust, even when you think it shouldn't.

 

Look after yourself as you would look after any hurt person. Treat yourself, do things that make you feel good. Spend time with people whose company you enjoy. Eat well, get plenty of rest, do things you enjoy that make you feel relaxed. Cry when you feel like it. Gradually you will start to pull out of this state.

 

You are actually doing great to keep no contact. She will become a distant memory eventually, though I know it is hard to believe that now. Remind yourself of the unpleasant things she said and did, if necessary, to counteract that glowing and unrealistic image your imagination keeps trying to conjure up for you.

 

You are probably not ready for a new relationship, even though girls obviously like you and are showing interest in you. Make new friends of them for now. Tell them where you are emotionally so that they understand your reactions. People can be supportive. Prepare the way for when your energy and optimism returns.

 

^^^ This ^^^

 

 

Take care.

[SixxChick]

You are probably not ready for a new relationship, even though girls obviously like you and are showing interest in you. Make new friends of them for now. Tell them where you are emotionally so that they understand your reactions. People can be supportive. Prepare the way for when your energy and optimism returns.

 

This is my path. I have had many opportunities to date, some with men who knew me before my ex and were happy to see me single again. But my mind and emotions have been played with so much to the extent that it would not be fair to take anyone up an offer to pursue a relationship. While my ex is fine to move on with someone else, I'm just not ready. And that sucks.

 

That's why this is about YOU time. The loss is real and the excruciating feelings therefrom take time to get over. Maybe we are deeper thinkers than some exs who seem to effortlessly move on. But try to deflect those feelings away from your ex and concentrate of taking care of you now, as many here have wisely suggested.

 

That's what I'm doing, because I had to face the realism that the relationship is over, the person I loved did not really exist, and that I am no longer relevant to this person (if I ever was).

 

That's just my advice and where I am.

 

Go easy on yourself. I wish you all the best on your journey of healing.

[sherbmeister]

I'd like to thank you all for your replies and kind words. It's nice when people you don't really know in real life, show compassion and it's somewhat comforting to know that my situation isn't unique and others went through it aswell and are ok. I suppose.. at the end of the dark tunnel, there must be a light. Looking forward to that light. Peace and love!

[opal101]

I am going through something very similar to you and it 100% sucks

 

I have been focusing on different things to keep my mind occupied which has helped a lot. I have a new job which I am finding fun.

 

I have been telling myself that my relationship is over and it will never be what it once was. It's hard to accept, but as each day passes it gets the tiniest bit easier. Time is a healer.

 

Spend this time to focus on you.

 

Take care x

[sherbmeister]

I am going through something very similar to you and it 100% sucks

 

I have been focusing on different things to keep my mind occupied which has helped a lot. I have a new job which I am finding fun.

 

I have been telling myself that my relationship is over and it will never be what it once was. It's hard to accept, but as each day passes it gets the tiniest bit easier. Time is a healer.

 

Spend this time to focus on you.

 

Take care x

 

Sorry to hear you're going through this horrendous period... I guess we gotta accept that relationships don't last forever, no matter what.

I will be changing my job too, seems like a good life improvement, will prob leave for UK in january. Looking forward to that.

[Offspring]

I am no longer relevant to this person

 

Best post ever SixxChick!