Getting it out

[smj1990]

I have come to post in these forums as a way to vent what I'm feeling and to hear what other people have to say/think.

 

Three months ago my girlfriend broke up with me, we had been together for six years. Of those six years, we had lived together for almost four. We always had a strong connection throughout our relationship. Towards the final few months, we had begun to drift apart, the main reasons being: my inability to show emotion and love (an issue I've had all my life with previous relationships and family), her belief that we always wanted to do different things and finally, likely because we got together when we were young.

 

For the first four weeks of our break-up we continued to live together, although our breakup was fairly mutual (I saw it coming and was able to accept it) I spent the first week or so angry, we didn't really talk. The following three weeks were spent talking about what had gone wrong and what we both felt (that felt good, I'm glad we had that chance). I did some pleading which did neither of us any good.

 

After the four weeks we both went our separate ways and moved into our own places, we didn't talk for the first three weeks. After that we exchanged text messages every few days, just to see how each other were, mostly me initiating the contact. We also met up a couple times, just a casual lunch and we arranged to see each other new places on a couple occasions. That continued for the past couple months.

 

Even through those three months, I felt the need to tell her that I still hoped we could be together, she sometimes responded positively to that, sometimes negatively. I believe she was very confused.

 

Finally, a few days ago I decided enough was enough, I couldn't cope with waiting those every few days to talk to her and then after that the overwhelming feeling of wanting to be back together so I arranged to meet her and told her that I had no choice but to break contact completely. I explained it wasn't in a nasty way but just to help to both of us. She agreed. I removed her from Facebook, Snapchat, etc and deleted her number. She said she would keep my number and after a while would get in contact to say hey. She is adamant she want's to remain friends and not lose touch, I want that too but, of course, understand the consequences so we'll have to see what happens there.

 

I want to use this thread as a way to vent emotions over the course of being in no contact. Thanks for reading.

 

Any thoughts, questions or responses will always be appreciated.

[BluesPower]

OK, if you are in love and dude I mean really in love, you have to be ready to let her go. I realize that you are young and you really love her, but this stuff happens all the time.

 

First, man, never ever plead with a woman to come back, it makes you look weak and it is a complete turn off to her.

 

Second, you need to do the 180 on her which is NO CONTACT.

 

Third, you need to just move on, start dating and feeling better about yourself. This emotion thing that you are dealing with has to get fixed for real. You need some deep therapy to get this solved. Women cannot stand to not be able to FEEL the love that their partner has for them, it drives them crazy.

 

If you do all that, and she sees you "Happy" and moving forward she may reconsider. No matter what, you will look more attractive to her. And if she does not come back, what have you lost? Noting is the right answer. You have a new stable of girls to go out with, you are/have fixed your emotional issues and you are ready to rock.

 

Good luck...

[smj1990]

OK, if you are in love and dude I mean really in love, you have to be ready to let her go. I realize that you are young and you really love her, but this stuff happens all the time.

 

First, man, never ever plead with a woman to come back, it makes you look weak and it is a complete turn off to her.

 

Second, you need to do the 180 on her which is NO CONTACT.

 

Third, you need to just move on, start dating and feeling better about yourself. This emotion thing that you are dealing with has to get fixed for real. You need some deep therapy to get this solved. Women cannot stand to not be able to FEEL the love that their partner has for them, it drives them crazy.

 

If you do all that, and she sees you "Happy" and moving forward she may reconsider. No matter what, you will look more attractive to her. And if she does not come back, what have you lost? Noting is the right answer. You have a new stable of girls to go out with, you are/have fixed your emotional issues and you are ready to rock.

 

Good luck...

 

Thanks for your reply, you make a lot of sense. The no contact started a few days ago and it is a bit of a relief from the start, I had already started to move on but because there was some slight contact still they'd be days that were awful. Things have begun to get a lot easier.

 

Should also point out I have now been seeing a therapist regarding the 'emotion issue' - have been so for the past month and it's working!

 

Who knows what the future holds, I appreciate your reply.

[Satu]

snip

 

Who knows what the future holds, I appreciate your reply.

 

The future is a phantom that nobody can grasp...

 

 

It sounds like you're taking all the right steps.

 

Just keeping going, and you'll come out of it a much happier person.

 

And that should be your goal:

 

Not just to heal from the breakup, but to grow, and move forward into a better and happier life.

 

You can do that.

 

You're on your way already.

 

 

Take care.

[smj1990]

Short update: It's been another couple weeks now, things have been good. I have had urges to want to talk to her, the thought of not talking to somebody who you loved, spoke to and saw virtually every day for 6 years is a feeling like no other.