Lukerzade2 Posted August 25, 2016 Share Posted August 25, 2016 Sorry if the title doesn't make much sense, i'm also not sure of what area to put this in. My ex ended 2.5 year relationship basically overnight with no warning and with excuses that are completely all over the place (I'm 26 , she is 23). She even admitted her decision to end things was hasty (we had been living together for 1.5 years in my house and we were looking at some land to build a house, and I had 1 payment left on an engagement ring, go figure) but insisted it was "Something I have to do even though I love you blah blah". I figure its something along the lines of the grass is greener etc because she didn't have an actual reason for doing it. She has moved back in with her friend (who has been single for god knows how long) and my ex has started partying and "living the life", which once again, is not what she was remotely interested in while we were together. It has gotten to the stage where even her family have noticed and become concerned. Her best friend is extremely manipulative of my ex. They had a huge fight when she first moved in with my because her friend "Felt like she was all alone without my ex living with her". On top of that, when my ex could not go on a vacation with her due to monetary issues (which she explained), her friend gave her a loan of $4,000 to go anyway so they could enjoy a cruise with all the single girlfriends. My question here is: Her friend is extremely clingy with her, its been 2 months since my ex moved out and they are sleeping in the same bed still (I find it strange), partying the single life together and spending every waking moment together, does this have some sort of influence over my ex's emotional state getting over the break up? Like I feel this is beyond a friend giving a shoulder to cry on and more like trying to make her forget about the relationship by not letting her have alone time to gather and process her thoughts. Does this make sense? Any thoughts on the matter would help me understand this type of situation. Most breakups talk about the "dumper" coming to some sort of self realisation due to finding themselves / independance. However what if they don't get that opportunity to do so because they don't even get time alone? I am coping with the break up I just have trouble understanding how the breaking up process goes with a friend who never gives you time to absorb what happens because they are constantly taking your mind off things. Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted August 25, 2016 Share Posted August 25, 2016 Hmm, sorry but it sounds like you're grasping onto hope there and not really dealing with the break up at all. The facts are your girlfriend dumped you (welcome to that world) by her own choice, no one elses. She's making decisions now to live a different life. However, you're looking for something in that that says it isn't really her decision and that maybe, hopefully, one day she'll realise the mistake she made and come running back. Yeah, I reckon we all do that at some point, live in hope that they'll run back to us and beg for our love again. You need to let this one go and stop living in her life, orbitting her life and finding out about her. No contact is total no contact and means knowing nothing about them. Info like this will only keep you hanging on, living in hope. I've been there - reaching out for any info and taking every bit of news as a positive that she'd come back.. only to be shot down again when I realise that her life has nothing to do with me and I'm no longer in her thoughts at all. If you stay where you are, following her, stalking her, then you'll only continue to hurt for much longer than you should. The fact is you shouldn't know about her life as it's nothing to do with you. If an ex is ever to come back, then it's their decision. NC allows you time to heal and then make choices with a clear heart and head - not something you can do when you're still living in hope. Let her go and start living your own life, not hers. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lukerzade2 Posted August 25, 2016 Author Share Posted August 25, 2016 Hm I didn't think of it like that. I am not really grasping at straws, I'm more curious is all, for future references about certain qualities I want to look for in another girlfriend (at some stage). The only reason I know about it is she told me when she came to drop the house keys off. My "coping" mechanism with breakups is to read, ALOT. More so to understand why things happen and how to avoid them in the future, to grow I guess. I figured if someone had any input about their point of view than it would be interesting to see their thoughts. Thanks for your response! Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted August 26, 2016 Share Posted August 26, 2016 Fair point. I only said my piece because I saw a lot of similar things in what you said to how I've been in the past, and I reckon we all orbit our exs occasionally. For some, it takes us hitting rock bottom before we finally fully let go and start to heal. I would recommend Corey Wayne's videos on Youtube for some of the insights you may be looking for. He's been there and has a good take on many of these things. However, if this is really to focus on your mind so as to find a better girlfriend in the future, then I would remind you that often we do not chose who we fall in love with. I've tried my best to avoid unavailable people, but often find myself chasing them. Sadly love just comes along - we can't force it to happen anymore than we can force it to go away. So as much as you want to focus and plan your future relationships, you may find it is still out of your control when the next love of your life comes along... Link to post Share on other sites
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