How do I cope?

[Icarus1223]

So... I was in a relationship for almost 7 years. He was my first serious relationship. The last couple years of our relationship were not that great and I slowly fell out of love with him. I was too scared to end the relationship, so I held on until I found out he cheated on me and after that I ended it. That was in October 2015. I did okay being single for a while.

 

 

I had this one guy I knew that I always felt a connection with even before me and my boyfriend split, but we were both too shy to ever pursue anything. We had certain moments like when he bought me a drink for my birthday or when he showed up to watch a football game with me and my friends even though he hated football (it was obvious he just wanted to see me).

 

 

About 5 months after my break up, my sister (whom I was very close with) committed suicide. My heart was broken. I spent 4 weeks being a shut in and only focusing on making her memorial great and planning everything and grieving. She was my best friend abs the one person I could tell everything to.

 

 

A couple months after her passing, I finally had a chance to hang out with the new guy. I was starting to feel a little less depressed at the time. He hung out with me and my friends at our local bar and ended up coming back to our house with us afterwards to hang out more. My friends eventually went to bed and me and him were up until 5 am talking about everything and getting to know each other. We had major chemistry. He mentioned he had a couple movies he wanted to watch so we planned on hanging out the next day to watch them. He came over and it was pretty awkward and we pretty much watched the movies, talked a little more, and hugged and he left.

 

 

I texted him a couple days later and told him I enjoyed getting to know him and invited him to a BBQ I was having the following weekend. He came to that and that night we were flirting all night and again were up until 5 am talking, but by the end of that night he asked me about my ex and I told him the whole story and then we started talking about my sisters death. I got a little teary eyed, then he told me that his mom is suffering from dementia and he got teary eyed as well and he told me he never tells that to anyone and we hugged and eventually kissed. It was a beautiful moment.

 

 

We hung out every weekend since, had a couple dates, and he even drove a state down when I was on vacation with friends just to see me. During that vacation he gave me so many vibes that he was really into me and he always gAve me really endearing looks. I played guitar for him and my friends and when I messed up I stopped and he begged me to keep playing and gave me this look that nobody has ever given me before. It was that look of "I love this girl".

 

 

We drove back together and talked the whole way about our families and childhood and when he dropped me off at home we could not stop kissing. We went on another date the next weekend. After that, he became more distant. A couple weeks later I attempted to ask what his expectations were and his response was pretty minimal, but he said with him taking care of his mom and starting a new job, he was not looking for anything serious.

 

 

He still texts me on and off, but it's getting less frequent. We have hung out a handful of times since, but he has slowly felt more distant each time. I feel like every time I get the feeling I should give up on him, he sends me a text to show that he is still thinking about me. When I respond it only lasts a few messages and then he stops. I get the feeling he is scared of something or has something he is not telling me, but I don't want to ruin anything by asking him.

 

 

We've connected so well and have shared so much about each other. I don't understand why he would just stop and forget that. I feel like I have to initiate us hanging out to get him to, but I don't want it to be like that. He seems like he's fading away from me. With everything I've gone through recently, this is so hard.

 

 

He was the only thing keeping me going. My mom is talking about moving away from me and I feel so alone. I have my friends but it doesn't feel the same. My heart is so broken right now. I really didn't need this extra heartbreak. I should've known it would only hurt me and I shouldn't get invested.

 

 

He really felt like the one for me. But I guess I'm not the one for him. I've been in a really dark place. I wish I could talk to my sister about it, but I can't. I've reached out to so many friends, but they can only help so much. On top of it I'm working so much and since I work emergency, my job can be pretty emotional in its own. I have no energy. I'm hardly eating. I'm drinking more. I don't know how to cope except the hope that this too shall pass. I get angry a lot thinking I've had all this happen to me when I try so hard to be a good person and to do everything I can to help other people. I'm basically relying on a small glimpse of hope which I hardly have anymore...

Edited July 28, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[bummer]

Hi Icarus,

 

I'm sorry to hear you are hurting from this new guy. I'm also sorry for the loss of your sister. It sounds like you have many transitions to deal with as your mother may leave as well.

 

I think you should take stock in yourself. It's the best advice and most common here in LS to just take the time to connect with who you want to be really. Not drinking heavily nor relying on anger as a common outlet for frustration. Find a new hobby and new friends.

 

As to your man and the deep connection, it sounds you played it cool and invited him to nice events. You kissed a lot and felt intimately connected. yet it reads like you were initiating and inviting him to participate. He sounds super shy. Maybe he is withdrawing from you more and more because he has built some invisible complex into his brain where he's not good enough, or else he thinks he's ruined the relationship already.

 

Be honest. Send him a text that you want to call him tonight. Set up a time and very bluntly say you really like him and want to be with him and want to know why he's withdrawn. If he's truly just scared, he will see you really like him. If he's hiding something, hopefully you can coax it out. Maybe he has a little wiener and is scared what you'll think. Or maybe he found someone else. Either way, stop torturing yourself and be honest and ask. If it's basically over anyways, asking straight forward questions won't be any worse.