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Coping with a new situation from my past life


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

Old 3rd April 2016, 9:06 PM   #1
DSP
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Coping with a new situation from my past life

It's been just past a year and a half since the end of the relationship. 15 years and 3 children, plus one that came with the package. I've come to terms with the divorce, but at times I'm just hanging on by a thread. Today being one of those days. It's starting to get overwhelming again and I need some help.

(Short? Back Story)

Things were very sketchy when it all started and I later found out she was talking to an old flame from high school.They are still together and carry on a very long distance relationship. At the time of the divorce we had a 9 month old, 3 and 14 year old. Her child was 20. The teenager took it very hard and after some therapy decided it was best to not come over anymore. It took some time, but now she at least communicates via text or if I can catch her will speak with me. The two younger children have adjusted as best as one could expect and I spend every moment I have with them just the three of us.

Her child had made a very damaging claim that caused a lot of trouble. It could have been worse, but in the end nothing came of it except I've been requested not to communicate and stay out of their life. I obliged. When I do see them I now treat them as a business associate and keep it light and professional.

My ex abandoned me, went out of her way to ruin my reputation and was very cruel to me afterwards. I went NC to not only prevent me from doing something stupid, but also because just speaking with her caused temporary insanity. She can't understand why I don't want to be friends. A year ago I tried to have a conversation with her and it just turned into a cluster of looped talking and odd behavior. Since then I've only spoke to her through text or email, which she hates.

With the divorce I lost my best friend, a child I raised, and my eldest child. I listened to all the advice I was given and now the relationship with my little ones is awesome. I look much healthier and I'm in great shape now, got Lasik surgery, bought new clothes. Traveled to foreign country, put in for promotion, given a raise and given opportunities that I would have never had two years ago.

In Feb. she stopped with the insults and passive aggressive comments and now wants us to be friends. I still can't look her in the face. She is so manipulative I feel at any moment the conversation could spin out of control. Every time I lighten up in text she tries to get me to switch the visitation schedule or give her something. It never works and she ends up with some sob story making me look like a monster again.

I live in a small city, but work in a large one an hour away across state lines. I have no family here and a couple friends. I don't have a girlfriend. All of my ex's family live here and they all give me grief when I see them in public. A couple of them are on the police force and like to troll past my house every day causing some stress. Last night was one of those times. Sitting in the middle of the street two blocks down. I was scared to leave my driveway, but waved them towards me and watching what I said when talking to them. I try to do all my shopping and entertainment in the big city just to avoid any contact in public and generally stay in my house any other time.

Since my ex had the new guy she was more than happy to leave everything behind and move on. She literally LOL'd out the door saying "Fvk you. Pay me. I want out" Cost me most of my savings, but I kept the house and most of everything in it, the car, no personal debt. My ex rents a place about 5 miles away from me and is on my way home making it convenient to pick up and drop off the children.

So with knowing the back story here is where I need some advice:

This house is like an anchor. I'm starting to feel like a prisoner in my home and there isn't anything here positive for me other than my children. It's very affordable, but way too much house. It's where the children were born, but it's not really a home anymore. I can't move out of state, but would like to move out of the city with harassment I get from her family. I'm not sure if I should sell this place, rent it out, or just hang tight hoping the harassment dies down.

There is a good possibility in a couple years after the eldest child turns 18 that my ex will marry the guy she ran off with, but that would require her to move far away. He told her he isn't moving here and has very legit reasons. With the custody agreement she can't leave with the children. So if I hold tight it may help in the future showing the court I have a stable home in the community the case is being held.

What would you do? If you've been through this how did it turn out? Any advice is appreciated.
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Old 5th April 2016, 12:38 AM   #2
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DSP, I'm glad to hear you're doing so well professionally and with your health improvements -- but am sorry to hear you have to deal with your offensive ex-inlaws in that small town. I have some sense of how irritating that can be because I grew up in small towns and my sister and her family live in a very small town that I visit periodically.

As to what to do with the house, I suggest you speak with an attorney who specializes in family law/custody issues. I don't know if there is any magic to keeping that particular home in that particular town. Ideally, there is some town you could move to that is much closer to the State line, which would get you away from the ex-inlaws and reduce your commuting distance to work. I assume, however, that such a town does not exist or you would already be living there.
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