ExtraSpice Posted March 11, 2016 Share Posted March 11, 2016 I feel that a lot of people, including myself, tend to imagine their ex just having the time of their life. No worries, no heartbreak, just pure joy. Truth is that could be or could not be the case. Either way it is irrelevant. What do you guys do when you start to get pulled into these thoughts? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sorano Posted March 12, 2016 Share Posted March 12, 2016 Everyone thinks that. I did too. Not anymore. Take control, put your foot down and say no it's enough. No more pain. Your ex is not better than you. I got dumped. Now? I'm msking myself better and turning everything around. Once you can do that, and show yourself that you have the power to change and make yourself better, those thoughts will be no more. Your wasting your time thinking of the person who dumped you. If they are having a good time Take that energy and turn it into something positive. You got this! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
darkbloom Posted March 12, 2016 Share Posted March 12, 2016 I think of him as dead. Makes it easy to stop wondering what he's doing if I think he's in the ground. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted March 12, 2016 Share Posted March 12, 2016 Remind yourself that he/she isn't the person he/she was when things were at their best, and that all he/she is now is the person that left you. Link to post Share on other sites
TunaInTheBrine Posted March 12, 2016 Share Posted March 12, 2016 (edited) What especially interests me is when we have these thoughts when we are the one who dumped them. They say that ignorance is bliss, and I think of it in those terms. What I mean is that following a break up many people will work on their demons, try to heal some of their wounded inner child and ultimately grow from a difficult experience. Meanwhile the other person may not be doing these things and is instead blindly repeating the same patterns as they were with us and before us. I hope to God our exes are trying to get some healing in a mature way and grow as better people, if nothing else for the sake of our planet. My most recent ex was planning to cheat on me just like she did her last boyfriend. I caught her and dumped her. It has been three weeks and I am healing, but I am still angry and now I have to deal with the mistrust I carry toward women before it ruins my next relationship. I get angry when I imagine her having fun, hanging out and having sex with new guys, while I sit here feeling like I can't trust a woman right now even if I wanted to date one. So one phrase I keep repeating to myself regarding her is that "she doesn't care how many holes she puts in other people's hearts as long as the hole in her heart is full." For me, that knowledge makes the anger a little more tolerable. She, and many of our exes, are wounded like us but don't always want to work through it right now. We are. And in the end that makes all the difference. Edited March 12, 2016 by TunaInTheBrine 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sorano Posted March 12, 2016 Share Posted March 12, 2016 send a few prayers to your exe's. I did to mine. she needs it bc her soul is contaminated with something evil. wild how humans can treat others. The animals in the forest dont even do this. I dont wish my ex harm but I don't wish her well or peace. karma, its your turn to clean up and finish. Have a nice day Link to post Share on other sites
Author ExtraSpice Posted March 12, 2016 Author Share Posted March 12, 2016 Very interesting input. Thanks. I try not to imagine the person as their best. But sometimes the more I try to concentrate on that the opposite direction my mind takes. I try to take walks sometimes to take my mind off things. At times it works. Sometimes I try to talk to a friend. But what I have realized that nothing works all the time. At instances you are helpless. Good thing is that even that feeling eventually passes. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
burnt Posted March 12, 2016 Share Posted March 12, 2016 I think of him as dead. Makes it easy to stop wondering what he's doing if I think he's in the ground. I did too. Not anymore. I'm msking myself better and turning everything around. It's kind of ironic for me. I read good happy posts of people saying that for a while they were suffering thinking of their ex's, but now they are healing and feeling happier and starting to let go and moving on. I should be inspired by these stories. Sadly the more I read them, the more I think "probably my ex is feeling just like these people; he's all healed and happy and having the time of his life now; but I'm still in the rut". So in an ironic way, it's the happy posts that almost make me sad. Link to post Share on other sites
darkbloom Posted March 12, 2016 Share Posted March 12, 2016 It's kind of ironic for me. I read good happy posts of people saying that for a while they were suffering thinking of their ex's, but now they are healing and feeling happier and starting to let go and moving on. I should be inspired by these stories. Sadly the more I read them, the more I think "probably my ex is feeling just like these people; he's all healed and happy and having the time of his life now; but I'm still in the rut". So in an ironic way, it's the happy posts that almost make me sad. No one is as happy as they are pretending to be. Think of all the things that made him insecure. They still do. Life is never just roses for anyone all the time. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Emaize3 Posted March 12, 2016 Share Posted March 12, 2016 Yeah, I think the same of my ex. I know he's smiling away like he always did when we were together. Sucks. And talk about NC- the longer I go, the more HE heals too. How dare he get away with the pain and anguish he caused? The whole thing sucks. I feel like NC is doing him a favor. Off the hook and healing. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
benB Posted March 12, 2016 Share Posted March 12, 2016 Yeah, I think the same of my ex. I know he's smiling away like he always did when we were together. Sucks. And talk about NC- the longer I go, the more HE heals too. How dare he get away with the pain and anguish he caused? The whole thing sucks. I feel like NC is doing him a favor. Off the hook and healing. I feel the same way. I want to break it just to let her know what she did to me. Its a terrible feeling. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
kasop Posted March 12, 2016 Share Posted March 12, 2016 The whole idea is to not think of what the ex is doing. Either they are having the time of there life or going through hell. It doesnt matter because their future has nothing to do with ours. Ultimately it wouldnt make me feel better wither way. Not knowing is what helps you move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
playlislay Posted March 12, 2016 Share Posted March 12, 2016 I stupidly stalked my ex on a fake Facebook account (not as friend, though) and I was devastated when I saw him post a profile pic of him and her. Then she changed hers. They looked so happy at Christmas. (We split in October after 5 years and he then met her through a friend and started a relationship very quickly.) Fast forward to Valentine's weekend and he calls after 4/5 months of no contact... Wtf???? He went on to explain how the pictures tell a different story as they kept arguing over Christmas and New Year. Turns out that they rushed things during the honeymoon period, moved in together after dating for just ten weeks and during that time he got her PREGNANT! Turns out they're not as happy as it seemed. Needless to say he was begging me back because he didn't love her and got caught up in lust... What did I do (prior to finding out she was pregnant)? I screenshotted his messages and sent them to her! I'm not being played by a man who was my world and rock for 5 years. And guess what? They're now back together and I'm left back at square 1! It just goes to show that all isn't as it seems but it doesn't mean you'll be better off because of it. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 12, 2016 Share Posted March 12, 2016 Sometimes they are; sometimes they aren't. My advice is YOU be the one who immediately starts at least trying to have the time of your life. Fake it at first if you must, but it's the best way to proceed. Put on a smile and resume your social life and make the most of it. Living well is the best revenge -- and it's also the best way to just move on. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
SixxChick Posted March 12, 2016 Share Posted March 12, 2016 Sometimes they are; sometimes they aren't. My advice is YOU be the one who immediately starts at least trying to have the time of your life. Fake it at first if you must, but it's the best way to proceed. Put on a smile and resume your social life and make the most of it. Living well is the best revenge -- and it's also the best way to just move on. This is some of the best advice ever. My suggestion is, take it. I am. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ExtraSpice Posted March 13, 2016 Author Share Posted March 13, 2016 Sometimes they are; sometimes they aren't. My advice is YOU be the one who immediately starts at least trying to have the time of your life. Fake it at first if you must, but it's the best way to proceed. Put on a smile and resume your social life and make the most of it. Living well is the best revenge -- and it's also the best way to just move on. It is great advice. And sometimes it is tough to just fake it but that is what you need to do. At times I pretend not to fake it and then I realize that I am just faking it, lol. Not the best feeling. But the intention is to fake it enough till it feels real. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted March 13, 2016 Share Posted March 13, 2016 All of my exes are doing well. Are they having the "time of their lives"? Probably not, but none are doing bad. My exes are wonderful women. I wouldn't have been with them if they weren't. I enjoy seeing them do well. I'm not a jealous or insecure person. I enjoy seeing anybody do well. I celebrate the successes of others. Even my exes. Makes me happy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JourneyLady Posted March 13, 2016 Share Posted March 13, 2016 I got to go to Europe on a two+ week vacation... My ex didn't. Link to post Share on other sites
Raina314 Posted March 14, 2016 Share Posted March 14, 2016 Objectively, my ex isn't doing as well as I am. He just finished college and doesn't have a job, not even a dinky food service or retail gig so he's gonna be living at home for a while, he hasn't made any new friends outside of his group of gamer buddies, and our mutual friends say that he's been even more emotionally distant/closed off and comes out of his room even less than he did before breaking up with me. The only friends that even know about the breakup are the ones I've told because he doesn't even confide in his best friends about this stuff. But instead of feeling good that I don't have any of those problems, I just feel sad that he's not doing as well. Even though he completely crushed me when he dumped me and told me he couldn't love me, I still don't want him to suffer. I just feel bad that I can't help him and he doesn't want me, or anyone else to. Normally I'd be feeling some kind of anger/spite towards him at this point in the breakup, but instead I just feel genuinely sad for him that he can't open up to anyone. I guess that means I really did love him :/. Link to post Share on other sites
Elwood Posted March 15, 2016 Share Posted March 15, 2016 I think the same thing. I spoke to my ex recently and she seemed to be doing good. I know she is happy that it is over however I have no idea what is going on underneath. I try not to think about it. It does get to me though at times. Truth is in the end she wasn't the woman I originally fell in love with. I think her life is better now but I hate to admit this, that doesn't make me feel any better. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts