SethDamien Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 Do any of you have that persistent nagging thoughts that you might never be able to get over the one you loved most? She, dumped me 2 years ago. Between then and now, I've dated 5 girls already. All were sweet and partner material, but after a few weeks, i lose interest. The relationship(s) eventually gets cold and we lose all contact. I'm getting sweet with someone again, but i fear the same cycle will continue. I guess my ex set the standard that none of these other girls have. or i just never had the chance to kick her off the pedestal. I keep on thinking she's the most perfect girl alive, but i know she's not. I hate it, i just wanna get her off my mind. I don't have trouble meeting girls, but as long as my ex is still in the picture, i'm afraid i'll just keep lying to myself that every date will be the last one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RySant Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 We all have that. The One. But if you'll never give chance to other people, you'll never be truly happy. Stop dating for a while and find yourself first. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SethDamien Posted February 7, 2016 Author Share Posted February 7, 2016 Thank you RySant! It made me think. what does it take to find one self? does it come as some sort of a revelation? In fact, i made a separate thread just for that. maybe you can put in your thoughts here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/self-improvement-personal-well-being/568775-finding-ones-self Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 Do any of you have that persistent nagging thoughts that you might never be able to get over the one you loved most? This happened to me. Even though I was the dumper, I never let go of the idea that some day we would be together again. Four years later when someone else came into the picture and pressed all my love buttons I realised I was still saving myself in case my ex should ever return. I had no idea I had even done that, but somehow I had refused to believe it was really over even after 4yrs of no contact. My mind was forever waiting for the day he would come back. For me, it wasn't about finding myself, it was about allowing myself to finally accept it was over and to grieve. Before I did that I was just self sabotaging the new beginning that presented itself to me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
backandforth Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 I have a "one" too. It's been a year, but I know I will never stop loving her, even though I'll never see her again. Breaks my heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Learningtowalkagain Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 I'm 40, I've had this thought my whole life. Know what, someone better always came along, right when I least expected it. I'm going through this right now with my ex. I go on dates, have sex etc...but none of the girls compare to her. Reading an eye opening book called "Reinventing your life"...you can get it off Amazon for a buck. It goes into our child hood and why we pick the partners we do and ultimately get hung up on the wrong ones. Fascinating stuff. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExtraSpice Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 I have had this feeling. I had it with the person I considered my first love. And then I dated a few people after that but didn't really click to that level again. So I decided to stop dating for a little while. I wanted to have reason to date, as opposed to just getting someone better than my ex. But as Learningtowalkagain said someone better does come along when you least expect it. Of course that doesn't mean you can just sit at home and wait, it requires being proactive. Also it is important to get your ex off that pedestal, whether she deserved the pedestal or not. No good will come by her staying there. I tend to concentrate on the good things when I look back at my ex, but it important though difficult to have an objective view of your past relationship. I am going through something similar with my recent ex. Though not nearly as much time has passed. But I have this nagging feeling that it will be difficult to find someone to match or top her. However, the past has shown that it is possible, so I continue. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SethDamien Posted February 8, 2016 Author Share Posted February 8, 2016 Thats the thing... I dont want to be braggy, but i do love myself (?) Im not sure though. -I excelled academically which won me some respect and friends in some circles. -I excelled in my career, In a medium sized firm - im a junior executive comittee at my age, while my colleagues,(same age, same eductaional background) are stuck at desk jobs and I manage several people. -I have a great set of friends. Trust worthy, true, reliable... -I am a shy type but not an introvert, im gradually exposing myself to the bigger world like being financially literate so i can start my own business... -I am average looking (i dont know/maybe charisma? lol) but i never had trouble dating and getting intimate with girls i meet on the first date I have a lot of reasons to be confident and happy about, but emotionally, these thoughts keep recurring that im inadequate because my ex dumped me. and because of that, none of the things listed above mattered. I still feel empty. And i still dont know myself that much to love myself enough. Link to post Share on other sites
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