a year later feel resentment

[chrisseek]

it's been 1,5 years since I broke up with my ex. then it was almost half a year of crap when I chased her, stopped chasing, she wanted to come back, as soon as I was okay with it, she backed out. that went on for months. I did a gazillion things "wrong" as I was emotional and in oneitis stage. now, for a year we haven't really had almost any communication. Thank god I came to my senses.

 

She is still with the same person she dumped me for. dude I used to know.

Then again I also know that I got a bit bored with her and her issues, so I stopped putting my best foot forward in the end and started to look the other way a bit. But you know how they say, "rejection breads obsession".

 

In some way I'm over her. This year hasn't been easy but I've learned more about myself, about relationships, social dynamics, dating and life in general in this year than I have learned in my entire lifetime. I took the red pill at last.

 

My life right now definitely isn't all walk in the park, I'm facing several BIG challenges. In another way there's also plenty of fun, new people and in some way I'm more relaxed than before. At least partly.

 

BUT I'm having several resentments that still make me feel bad. Whenever they come up.

 

My ex dumped me for a dude I used to know very well, in my social circle. And she is somewhat public dude in my circles, so it's not easy to avoid him being mentioned often. As far as I know they're still together and doing some things together I wanted to do with my ex. And also in a weird twist of plot, one of my other really good friend hooked up with my ex's sister just a month after our breakup and they're now together and having a son. They're living in an apartment where I used to live with my ex and called home for 2 years.

I was close to her whole family. And so I still feel stupidly replaced whenever I hear anything about them.

 

I could move away, but I have a life here, so I cannot right now. Also, I don't want to move because of them. When I move then in my terms. I could maybe move for some time after spring.

 

Another part is when I feel resentment whenever I hear anything about my ex or about his BF, is I feel bad about myself. I rather remember the feeling. I depreciated myself in front of them after breakup. I let her to walk all over me. To diminish me. I feel completely stupid that I let that happen for so many times and that I was so weak bitch. I don't feel that at all any more but I feel ****ty that I let that happen to me.

 

I know now that I failed to notice quite a few things in relationship and even more in the breakup and after. I don't regret it any more. But I regret the way I acted and how I let that all affect me so strongly.

 

I'd really want to get rid of these random backflashes of resentment. I have a date with a model tomorrow. I want to not affect this past any more my future.

Edited February 3, 2016 by chrisseek

[stillafool]

We've all done foolish things or felt foolish over our exes. Don't be too hard on yourself. Are you dating other women?

[Satu]

The only person who can diminish you is yourself.

 

If you acted in ways that compromised your dignity, that's on you, not her/them.

 

Nobody made you do anything.

 

 

Take care.

[Nightwriter]

In some ways, your situation reminds me of mine. My ex is a beautiful woman who had guys chasing her while we were together and she fended them off except one man who she cheated on me with and finally left me for him.

 

The thing is, your ex was the guilty one in all of this. Even though you chased her, she created that situation. She caused the breakage in trust. My ex ended up blocking me from everything in her own resentment, but deep down, I am sure she felt incredibly guilty. And if your ex has any sort of conscience, I'm sure she is feeling guilty too.

 

Right now, you care about your ex, even if it's not in the same way as before. It sucks man. I know what you're going through. You think she did everything wrong, and yet you are suffering for it. But as you go through life and meet other women, it should diminish, albeit slowly.

 

The first date I was on after my breakup, I kept thinking about my ex. That wasn't my intention, but it happened. Unfair for my date, but I made sure to treat her well, and of course I didn't talk about my ex at all to her. It was after dating a few times that I could more and more focus on who I was with. It's a process.