Lead on by best friend, complicated 'break-up' situation

[Vaylen]

Hello. So, I'm really not used to posting stuff in forums, but something has happened and I was googling around to try and find posts on the internet that could kind of relate to my situation (which is always my way of coping when dealing with an emotional problem), but then I decided that it would probably feel better to write a post myself. If anyone would read it and give me some advice, I'd be so happy.

Anyway, the situation is that I've been having feelings for my best guy friend, whom I met in August last year. We started attending the same school, and became close very quickly. I had moved away from my hometown for the first time and didn't know anyone, and he - I soon found out - had almost no friends due to insecurity problems and having been severely bullied in his former school.

We've both dealt with depression and mood swings and have been able to relate to each other very well. We've always leaned on each other and helped one another when it was needed. Eventually I started to develop feelings for him, which is something very rare for me; I've always had problems trusting others completely and I don't feel like a person that would be happy in a relationship because I value my own freedom too much. But with this person things felt different.

The thing is, I tried to acknowledge the feelings without letting them take over, because even if things would go well and we would get together there was always a risk of a breakup and to lose that special bond we've created as friends. But you can't really control how you feel, and these emotions has made me so unstable, because I'm not sure how to handle them. And I was almost positive he liked me back, or that he started to. When he was going abroad for three weeks he almost started to cry, saying that he would miss me so much, held my hand several times the last evening we hung out, kissed my head etc. We chatted on FB every single day he was away and he always sent kissing or love smileys to me - and when he got back, he gave me a pillow that looked like one of those kissing smileys (and really, what guy does that to his friend?) He gets "jokingly" jealous when I talk to other guys, asking me if I'd leave him for them, and sent a photo of me to some of his internet friends writing "this is my girl". When I've mentioned maybe leaving this town and moving away next year he was devastated and told me he wanted me to do what I felt was best but that he really, really wanted me to stay for him, even if it was selfish of him to think like that (I understand that this is probably just because I've helped him so much in his struggle with insecurity and depression and because he has almost no other friends, though, but still).

He is a very touchy person (not in a perverted way), he likes hugging and is very clingy especially on me since I'm one of his only and closest friends and he is very comfortable around me. And I'm a skeptic person who doesn't read into things, and is kind of pessimistic when it comes to love simply because I don't want to get my hopes up. This time I did, though.

At one time, I was at his house (I've been there numerous times before), and we were lying on his bed talking. But he suddenly started initiating that he wanted to have sex, and that he was attracted to me, but not in a way that suggested he had feelings for me - he even asked if I liked him, but I didn't respond, which is kind of an answer in itself I suppose. I also asked him back, and he said he saw me as a very good friend, which kind of crushed my hopes. They would have stayed crushed, hadn't all of these other things that I've written above taken place after this incident. Even if he had said he saw me as a friend, everything he did suggested otherwise.

We did end up doing sexual things at one point, but afterwards I texted him saying that I couldn't do the 'friends with benefits' type of thing, that I wasn't that kind of person. He said he agreed, and apologized if he was to act strange sometimes but that he wouldn't initiate something again against my will because it felt wrong for him too, when his head was clear and he could think back at it.

Yesterday we talked about the time we had sex, and he said at one point that it felt weird kissing me. I don't know why that very comment had such an impact on me, but it kind of dawned on me then that despite everything he didn't have any feelings toward me and never had. I feigned sickness and went out, leaving him really worried and confused, and I haven't spoken to him at all since then. I know I need to move on, but I can't cut of contact even if I would want to. I might have painted him up as a douche in this text, but he really isn't - he is the kindest and most considerate person I've met, very humble and still extremely insecure because of his family situation and having been bullied. He cares for me more than anyone else, but that 's exactly why I am so angry now - if he was just some random guy, it wouldn't have bothered me. If he hadn't made any hint that he liked me, it wouldn't have bothered me. But I feel like he's lead me on, and maybe it wasn't intentional, but I'm his best friend. Right now I just feel humiliated and like he has no respect for me. He is still very worried, and such a sensitive person that every time I get mad he automatically thinks it's his fault. I realize he might have acted more romantic because I like him and he is insecure, but if that is the case then I think he went too far. I just want to get over this because I'm not going to cut off ties with him and we see each other every day. If I could get any kind of help here it would be very much appreciated.

[Dylan M]

Your a very kind person you know that, but what it comes down to is what makes you happy and from what I can tell is your problem is your stuck between you don't want to be in a relationship but you don't want to lose him as a friend either and if that's the case what I would and the only thing you really can do is sit him down and tell him that your friends and your not intrested in being more than friends do to the fact that you don't want to lose him. Your gunna have to cut out this being so nice and blaming it on is child hood thing and everything else it's what makes you happy, and although I'm a dating expert and this doesn't have anything to do with dating asides the fact only he likes you romantically there's only one option you can do if it's that big of a problem. But I do wish you the best and I hope I've helped and if you or anyone else needs it contact me on the kik app at: dmoss01 all expert advice is free