Saw my ex, he didn't say anything

[artnoveau]

Today my 6 weeks NC was broken when I accidentally ran into my ex in public transport.

We were on the same plattform, but going into diffrent directions, so there wasn't much time.

I saw him first and he came over and we stared at each other.

Since he didn't say anything I said the first thing that came into my head.

I stayed very calm, but I told him that he was an *******, a despicable human being, that I would always hate him and that he didn't deserve to be loved.

And I truly believe all those things. He has hurt me so much, knewing that he would do so and he has done it to several other girls.

So I don't regret saying any of those things. I just regret the fact that it won't change anything and that it won't matter to him. At all.

 

But what I don't get is his reaction. He didn't say anything.

When he broke up with me he was firm about it, but also very apologetic. But once he had left my flat and me shattered, he never contacted me again. He didn't even try.

And now he didn't respond to seeing me and not to me saying those things. At several points he almost turned to leave and he did so in the end to get into the tube.

It feels like I have talked to a doll. I didn't get anything back.

It might be better this way. But it feels like my opinion matters so little to him that I couldn't hurt him with my words. I dislike the feeling because it was the dynamic of our relationship.

 

I actually think that never felt bad about hurting me. He just didn't want to be a bad person. Didn't want his feeble selfimage tarnished. He has been trough several bad affairs/relationships, usually being the one who left.

So he must know to some degree that he is the bad guy.

But he can't stand the idea and if he admits it it doesn't influence his behavior in any way. He just keeps hurting people.

But he is still unable to care about other people's feelings (he talked horribly unsympathetic about his coworkers).

So when he stopped seeing me, he stopped caring about the fact that he had hurt me. I wasn't there to show the damaged he had done, so everything was okay.

To him I'm just collateral damage on what he still believes is the quest for true love.

And it just makes me so angry and helpless again to see that I didn't matter at all. I have gone through a lot of pain and he crushed my selfesteem, just to get out. (Because I wasn't sexy enough).

And it doesn't matter. He doesn't even hurt.

He'll keep doing the same **** to other girls.

And I am damaged, I have put on weight, I keep away from guys, because I am so scared of being rejected like this again.

Only a saint with a ton of patience would ever date me the way I am now.

And he still gets to do his trial-and-error, trying to find someone one who can fix him, because he doesn't understand that he needs to fix himself. He doesn't even get that he is broken. He just thinks that no one is good enough for him.

And I actually deep inside myself feel like I wasn't good enough, eventhough I clearly was.

[privategal]

Anything he would have said would not have been worth your time as it would have not beentrue, or an insult, or would not have been from the heart.

I love that he said nothing as there is nothing to analyze for you now.

Remember hurt people...hurt people.

He must be in some sort of pain himself.

Im glad you told him your raw feelings and that you see him as the past.

Im so sorry for your pain.

[brothers343]

You shouldn't take seeing him as a bad thing, maybe you should see it as a good thing. Maybe a higher power wanted it this way. Now you know that he will never belong in your world again. I don't believe in coincidence, I believe that there's a purpose to everything that surrounds us. Weather good or bad. Now you can really move on with you life. In a way your FREE.

[NopeNah]

What would you say to someone who calmly 'cursed' you out, in public?

 

I understand he hurt you and all,but really? What would your reaction be?

[artnoveau]

What would you say to someone who calmly 'cursed' you out, in public?

 

I understand he hurt you and all,but really? What would your reaction be?

 

I'm sorry but that is not a helpful answer. Its actually a bit mean, because I was obviously looking for some nice understanding or helpful words.

Yours were neither and I guess you know that.

If I wanted someone to tell me I am crazy or something similar, I don't need to go on here.

 

I write on here, because people have been understanding for what I have gone through and they haven't questioned me without good advice in the end.

Because its a safe place to talk about my feelings.

 

Seeing him has really shaken me up and I don't need someone to pile on that when I am hurt.

I had good reasons to say those things and now I feel like I have to justify it.

Though I think all my other threads give enough reasons to justify.

If you haven't read them and don't care enough for my reasons to ask, please don't comment like this.

[Hoosfoos]

Since he didn't say anything I said the first thing that came into my head.

I stayed very calm, but I told him that he was an *******, a despicable human being, that I would always hate him and that he didn't deserve to be loved.

 

Always say less than you think. And what you say isn't dependent on what he says or doesn't say...even if you are hurting. Take the high road.

[mmmike]

What would you say to someone who calmly 'cursed' you out, in public?

 

I understand he hurt you and all,but really? What would your reaction be?

 

I don't think it's mean, I think you (because youre human) made a mistake saying these things to him when it would have been better to just ignore him or go about your business. I think what you said to him was super dramatic but what's done is done. Next time ignore him or say a simple hello and continue on your way. Feel better btw

[artnoveau]

I don't think that what I said was wrong or dramatic.

He has broken my heart, he knew he was doing so from the beginning, he did it anyway. He has done it to plenty of girls. Knowingly.

So I truly think that he is despicable and doesn't deserve to be loved (aside from his parents). Because he can't let himself be loved, he is a borderliner.

He hurts people that love him. (And sorry, as a Psychology major I know that borderline is almost untreatable. So no betterment on the horizon.)

 

And I don't think that I should relieve his conscience, because he has hurt me and I am not gonna make him think otherwise.

I feel I have the right to feel hurt and hate him for it. Because my first instinct is to blame myself and I do that way too often anyway.

(And from what I have seen he - at least unconsciously - always picks those girls who are insecure deep down.)

 

So what I said is not up for debate.

It was something he needed to hear.

 

But him not saying anything was actually the best case scenario.

It hurts anyway.

Because I would still want him to love me and see that he has made a mistake.

At least my heart wants that. Because it is stupid and scared and feels totally unlovable.

[Robot_heart]

He probably didn't say anything because you caught him off gaurd.. And to say he was sorry would be like admitting the things that you said were true...

 

The thing is you should start focusing on only the things that you can control. You can not control him or his feelings or actions. You can not make him love you. I can tell you this much if he were to come back begging for you and you took him back it would never be the same. It might be ok for a little while but the same problems would resurface and your insecurities would be ten times worse. You would always be thinking what if he does it again? What if he leaves me again? And my dear that is an anxiety no one should live with.

 

So let him go. Over analyze his thoughts then cry your eyes out then move on.

 

Here's what you can control- yourself!

You say you have gained weight? Get a journal and start a diet and exercise plan. Do things to better yourself. Get massages, pedicures, nails done, hair... Anything. Just start loving yourself again!

 

Don't let his opinion of you become your opinion of you. You know you are a good person with a generous heart and someday someone will appreciate that even if that someone is just you.

 

I hope you feel better soon.

[Blanco]

If you've diagnosed him with something you say is almost untreatable, then why bother trying to put him in his place? You feel better in the moment, but ultimately, it won't change anything. IF he's as cold and empty as you claim he is, then he just went about his business after this awkward encounter.