A Random Coping / Dumper Story....Just sharing

[BelleSkye]

Not sure if many you posters / readers on LS know my story but my final heartbreak breakup occurred 14 October this year.

 

It still hurts - the nightmares / dreams of my ex haunt me...I am left traumatised by them.

 

But on a...lighter note? I want to share an entirely different experience where I am the so-called dumper....

 

So, after my big breakup, I ran away to New Zealand (NZ) to start....'new' (no pun intended). I knew that my friend in NZ fancied me and I thought, why not, let me give it a try. Mind you, I only met him a few times 3 years ago at family functions. He is a good family friend of my cousins. Since he heard about a previous break up of mine, he has always tried being there for me. Since I did not really know much about him, I decided to go to NZ and see what life has in store....

 

The moment I landed I was instantly full of regret of missed my ex terribly. So I was not too excited to meet him in person. When I did....I thought he reminded me of...Mr Bean? (though, even Mr Been has a deeper voice ) He is tall, but at 34 years old, there was something...off-looking about him? strange belly, weird hair, pudgy face etc

 

Anyway, when we get to his place, I burst out crying. I want to go back to South Africa, I want my old life again etc....then he does the most uncomfortable thing...her gets into my personal space by holding my face and trying to bring it close to his puffy -poofy face. He tries to force me to turn my face to look at him and all I want to do is throw up. To make it worst, he says the most corny annoying, non-manly stuff in this sticky girl voice...and then proceeds to stroke my hair....I HATED EVERY MOMENT OF IT.

 

I insisted then that he goes to work and give me some time to settle of jet lag etc. Honestly, I actually wanted to commit suicide. I did not attempt to do anything but I did take some sleeping pills and slept off.

 

(WARNING: Big Rant Upcoming...)

When he came back home, I thought, ok, he might be a nice guy. LET ME TRY. So...I tried...without being physical with him. In fact, when we sat on his couch, I made sure I was on the other end, slept in the guest bedroom, avoided walking around in my towel when I got out of the shower etc. But then he always started...complimenting me....how beautiful I am, how good I smell, how awesome I am (a 33 y/o chick playing playstation games and enjoys sci-fi series...I don't necessarily consider that awesome...)....SOOOO....I stopped showering and made myself all 'ugly' staying in my pjs the whole day, not brushing my teeth, only being on my tablet (reading loveshack or playing candy crush / clash of clans), not doing my hair etc. And I also tried to sleep ALL THE TIME.

 

Because I initially mentioned that I will try a relationship with him (I was very upfront about my situation, that I am suicidal, missing my ex and if he was willing to still take the risk etc), he still tried being there for me...in a Mr Bean sort of way. In fact, Mr Bean is better. He hardly spoke or made noises....this guy, lets call him T, snored like an old dirty old man...the noises he made while sleeping were also embarrassing. When he brushed his teeth, he used to cough like an old man, and it didn't help that he had diarrhea everyday (and I could hear everything:sick: ) I hated seeing his santa- like tummy as well.

 

But the most annoying thing of all was his giggling....yes, anything I said or did (make sarcastic comments, played Tekken, listened to playstation music, referenced Star Wars / Star Trek etc) made him...giggle...I actually had to stop being myself and turn into a stone cold bitch to stop him from giggling...like a little girl in love. He used to get so taken away with me and kept saying how awesome I am, he never met another girl like me and how happy he is... His mannerisms where so much like a girl in love with Mr Bean's ways that I could not bear the thought of him being near me....and now he was saying all those admiration things...

 

Another problem....he has A LOT of money....initially, while I was still in SA, he promised to take care of my bills and will get me a job etc. The 'taking care of my bills' should have been a warning sign. I questioned him about my so called 'job offer'...he then proceeded to tell me about some job where I don't have both the qualifications and experience for...where the heck was my simple data capturing job??? Im not some IT guru with 10 years experience to start up a new division in a bank!!!

 

He then suggested....a partnership Visa....a freaking partnership Visa. If you have time, google NZ's partnership Visa...I may as well been trapped into an arranged marriage with no escape. Mind you, so far, he is 'sweet' and non-abusive....does everything to meet my daily needs like food and toiletries etc. No complaints to getting me what ever I want. When we used to talk, he always tried to talk about 'what-if' or'when' relationship like scenarios, like 'what if you scream while you sleep? Must I hold you...' or 'when our families meet...' etc He would say other stupid things like, 'What happens when we go back to SA and your dog barks at me?' (Seriously, I have german shepherd, that dog is going to bark at strangers...) - he then proceeds to say that the only reason the dog will bark at him will because he took me away from my dog.... Where is the intelligent conversation to win a woman over???

 

Ok....now this is my lowest point...I am super depressed / suicidal. I have no job, I'm basically at his mercy to support me financially and well, then out of desperation one night, I....I actually went onto a dating app....and I felt instantly better. Another good thing is that I also have family in the country - who immigrated to NZ 18 years ago. So I was also getting them on whats app. So I started making a lot of family plans, not including him into it and randomly logging into my dating app just to see what else is out there. Lots of non- Mr Bean guys.

 

Anyway, he started noticing that I have been avoiding him, always sleeping, never making an effort to see his family or friends etc. Think the final straw for him was when he got home and saw that I was still sleeping in the guest bedroom. With the door closed.

 

He barged in, started shaking me to wake up. I snapped at him, asking if we really needed to speak (at this point, I thought he found out about the dating app). He then walked out of the room and proceeded to 'act busy'...like playing ps games, shuffling some stuff in his bedroom etc. Mind you, when he used to come home, he would only be zoned onto me, I always wondered what he got up to when I was not there.

 

So....I get up. I'm in a bad mood, all grumpy. I ask him what happened, why did he shake me to get up and leave the bedroom door open. He confronted me about me avoiding him. I could not lie, I did tell him half truths though, like I am depressed, regretting my decision to come to NZ and extremely suicidal. Then I saw he wanted to fight more...not to actually fight but to fight to fix things. I really felt sorry for him. He was trying. But my heart was not into it. I can't fight with Mr T Bean because, it really meant nothing to me. The kindest thing I could do was call my long lost relatives and ask them to pick me up. I could see he was surprised/ upset. He wanted me to stay. And I needed to just get out and not waste his time anymore. My family thankfully came to fetch me and I instantly felt better. I even left medication behind and I am not going to bother contacting him for it.

 

(P.S another thing I noticed, from the two weeks I stayed there, he did not watch porn at all!!! I was actually hoping he would for obvious reasons, but I think there was some...pent up energy on his side??? How I noticed, his laptop and phone where always charging in the lounge, I have access to the TV, and he sleeps with his bedroom door open...).

 

Hopefully this adds some insight into a dumper's perspective....I will like some insight to the situation....any if there is anyone from NZ here....I need a job!!!

 

Much Love

 

Belle