artnoveau Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 Its been one week since he broke up with me. The break up was a total mess. He didn't want sex with me (it had been five weeks and I taken same space after a fight), I got suspicious, asked if he was seeing someone else. He told me had slept with a girl a few days ago and started writing on facebook after. I freaked out. I literally freaked out, screamed, hit him, threatened to hurt myself. He had to pin me down and wouldn't leave till there was a friend with me. He hasn't called me since, hasn't written, hasn't done anything. This relationship was horrible and I know after this there is no way we would keep going, but it hurts so much, that he is not asking how I am. I blocked him on facebook and whatsapp, but he could get me via text message and email and I just feel like I'm this horrible person that he finally walked out on. Like I'm the worst person in the world to be with. He tried walking out several times, but I convinced him that I wasn't invested and stayed calm about it. So he finally made me freak out and I hate myself for doing it. I put so much effort into this relationship, I was so understanding about so many things and after all I've done I'm just this crazy person that he is too good to even care about. Link to post Share on other sites
Author artnoveau Posted December 7, 2015 Author Share Posted December 7, 2015 (edited) An its really hard to not just write him, begging him to take me back or trying to make him see, what is wrong about him. Are there any good ways to keep myself from doing it? (And I guess writing him to say I'm gonna change my number is breaking NC and any (or no) reply from him would hurt way more than not hearing from him right now.) Edited December 7, 2015 by artnoveau Link to post Share on other sites
Nickr3023 Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 Unfortunately it's just a matter of self control. We all go through it. Everyone on this forum has gone through it. I've noticed that anytime I start feeling down, or want to message her (I'm going on 3 weeks of NC), I come on these forums, read other people's stories, respond back to them, start a dialogue, and understand that everything I'm feeling is completely normal. Fight the urge as best you can, realize that if you do it, you're doing nothing but hurting yourself in the end. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
seekingpeaceinlove Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 Trust me, he knows what he did to you by sleeping with someone else. You "freaked out" and he stayed with you until a friend came. He knows full well that you're hurt, angry and sad. He is not contacting you to "check in" on you because is not emotionally invested in you. It sound like he hasn't been for a while and he no longer wants to deal with the drama. Do not contact him as it will only make YOU look (and feel) bad. Best case - you will look desperate and pathetic..worse case - he will think you're a pyscho. Stop. He doesn't deserve any more of your energy..good or bad. Erase him from your life and disappear from his. This way, you maintain some shred of dignity and you can proceed to heal. If he is a decent person, someday, he may reach out to you to apologize but don't wait for that day. Read my quote below...I fully believe in karma. Focus on yourself and your journey. The best revenge is success. First things first, buy a journal and write everything you feel down. Curse at your ex, damn him, threaten him, plead with him...everything you feel like saying to him...but keep it in your journal. Don't ever contact him. In time, and as you continue to be proactive about your healing, you will get over this. When you're ready...figure out why you continued to be with someone who tried to leave you several times. Learn from this relationship and focus on becoming a better you. (Big hugs) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
seekingpeaceinlove Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 One more thing. Him cheating on you says EVERYTHING about him and nothing about you. Don't base your worth on his misdeed. You two weren't right for each other and that's ok. It doesn't mean you're not lovable and amazing...he just wasn't the right guy to see that. You putting in so much effort into the relationship bodes well for you and your future. Don't feel bitter about that, be proud. You will meet someone who deserves your love and effort. Until then, heal up and grow from this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author artnoveau Posted December 7, 2015 Author Share Posted December 7, 2015 Thanks to both of you. Your comments really helped me tonight and I guess I'll be reading them a couple of times to keep myself from writing. I hope it will be easier tomorrow. I'll try to be proud of myself and love myself and hope that soon I will be at a stage where I can help other people on here. Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
Silver_star Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 Thanks to both of you. Your comments really helped me tonight and I guess I'll be reading them a couple of times to keep myself from writing. I hope it will be easier tomorrow. I'll try to be proud of myself and love myself and hope that soon I will be at a stage where I can help other people on here. Thank you! We all do/say some things we are not proud of in the heat of the moment. You were hurt by him. He cheated on you. I think it is clear how anyone would feel about that, and you reacted out of pain and hurt. Who cares what he thinks about that. You don't have to say anything else to him, EVER. He doesn't deserve one more word actually. It's on him. he has to live with his actions forever. Please don't ever reach out to him again. He honestly doesn't deserve a second look. Guys that can do that to someone, will do it again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Nickr3023 Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 I've been cheated on by my last 2 serious girlfriends, one of 9 years and one of a year. Both of them had cheated in the past, and I chose to look past it thinking, well I'm one of the good guys, it won't happen to me. A leopard doesn't change their spots unfortunately. There may not be a worse feeling in the world than hearing the person you love completely put their thoughts of you away to be with someone else, especially when it seems they show no remorse. But like someone else said.....it's a reflection of that person, not of you. I'm sorry you're going through this pain, it's horrifying. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author artnoveau Posted December 8, 2015 Author Share Posted December 8, 2015 Hello Nickr3023, that helps a lot, because I have never cheated on anyone in any of my relationships. So at least when I find a nice guy, I know I won't destroy it and might have a shot at happiness. My ex has had only short-term relationships for most of his life and probably cheated several times. He'll never stop doing that and he won't magically become another person and be happy with this new girl. So I might suffer more than he does right now, but one day I will be happy again and he'll still be looking for that one perfect woman which he will never feel the urge to cheat on. (He doesn't get that not cheating on someone is a choice, just as loving someone - or at least investing in someone - is a choice.) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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