My Coping

[foam12]

I was dumped about a month ago after a 5 month relationship. I have commented on a few threads based on what I experienced or am experiencing, but never really told my story. Also, sorry for giving background of my break up in this forum before I talk about my coping.

 

Everything was going well for the first 3+ months and then a lot of things started happening all at once in my ex's life (outside of our relationship). When her time became limited because she was focusing on her family, I became more needy for her time and feel that ultimately led to the breakup since a relationship isn't supposed to add more stress to her life. Multiple things in her life happened during the last month of our relationship and then she eventually told me our fate, which caught me by surprise and broke my heart despite the short period we were together since I've never had a better connection with a person in my 34 years; looking back I just became too needy for her time and the rest is history, and know I learned my lesson from that along with some other flaws of mine.

 

I didn't find this site until after I did the pleading we are not supposed to do. We actually had the best break up talk I've ever had in person a week after she dumped me on the phone and that led to a discussion of starting over as friends some time after the New Year when she has had time to deal with her issues, we have both had time to get over this relationship, and improve ourselves from the mistakes we made. I am normally against staying in any contact with my ex and have only spoken to two exes a number of years after breaking up. But, I think we both know that if we start over and it doesn't work, we will be on our separate ways or know we were just better off as friends. I know I will probably get bashed here since I am potentially setting myself up for disaster, but I've never tried it before and think she is the one exception based on the circumstances going on in her life.

 

One of the reasons I am writing this is that I want to thank everyone for sharing their stories as it has helped me cope with the break up and knowing other people have and are going through similar situations has been comforting to me knowing that I am not the only one. After taking care of something with my ex today, I am going to go no contact until or if she contacts me. I was limited contact before today, but I need some time alone just to improve myself without thinking about her, the what ifs, the whys, and just relationships or break ups in general. In addition, I am not going to look at this site for a while because I have found that for me personally, it is starting to cause me to second guess my actions, her actions, and our relationship. I know what our relationship was and it is over, but I think second guessing everything just puts a bad spin on everything for me and it is kind of stopping me from moving forward. Other sites are starting to have the same effect and I plan not to look at those for a while as well.

 

The fact is that this site and the people on it has helped me a lot! Everyone has their own way of coping and mine was to read stories and recommendations from the people on this site at first, but now it is time for me to live my life without reading anything about relationships for a while. I know I will probably be back one day, hopefully not any time soon, but thank you again for helping me cope and I only wish I knew about this site a long time ago.

[Stressed_26]

I think it is a good idea for you to start over in January. May be you will not be emotionally invested this time, but it is difficult. In my past relationship I never knew I was emotionally invested until the day it ended.