Maliel Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 My ex of two years and I broke up about three months ago, it was an emotional breakup and we proceeded to not talk for about two months. We saw eachother on the road a few times without talking at all after, which sucked. After the two month period I texted him and said that I wanted to be friends, he never replied. We aren't friends on facebook but yesterday my ex's friends and family wished me a happy birthday on Facebook. Later that day he randomly texts me Happy birthday and Thanksgiving and that he hopes me and my family are well. I replied saying basically the same and that's it. He never said anything after. Why would a guy send a text like that after not talking and ignoring me? I feel like if you are going to not talk to an ex, ignore an ex on the road and their attempts to reach out, you may as well come full circle and ignore them altogether.. right? I'm just confused and it feels so weird to speak to each other so formally. Should I just avoid him still? Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 There could be numerous reasons why he did it. Perhaps friendship was too soon for him, but he felt bad about ignoring it so he sent you the message to make himself feel like the good guy. I think you should stay away from him, for your sake as well as his. It will make it easier for you to move on. If at some point he feels comfortable taking that step towards friendship then he is going to have to make the effort, but for now the emotional wounds are still too raw. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Maliel Posted November 27, 2015 Author Share Posted November 27, 2015 (edited) There could be numerous reasons why he did it. Perhaps friendship was too soon for him' date=' but he felt bad about ignoring it so he sent you the message to make himself feel like the good guy.[/quote'] I was extremely conflicted over whether I should respond or not due to the fact that it didn't make sense, the last thing I wanted to do was somehow make him feel better after he was so cold towards me. I think you should stay away from him' date=' for your sake as well as his. [/quote'] I agree, I just don't understand why even send a text if it's only going to create more questions and confusion? It would have been one thing if he sorta prefaced the text and explained why he didn't respond before but to act as if nothing was said and we didn't see each other on the road a couple times.. it's really odd.. Edited November 27, 2015 by Maliel Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 I was extremely conflicted over whether I should respond or not due to the fact that it didn't make sense, the last thing I wanted to do was somehow make him feel better after he was so cold towards me. I understand, it would annoy me too, but if you want a shot at being friends in the future, at least it let him know there door was still open. I just don't understand why even send a text if it's only going to create more questions and confusion? It would have been one thing if he sorta prefaced the text and explained why he didn't respond before but to act as if nothing was said and we didn't see each other on the road a couple times.. it's really odd.. He is trying in his own way to make things ok. He just didn't think it through carefully enough. He may not know how he feels about being friends yet. I would give him a pass just this once, but if he contacts you again, you should absolutely call him out, and ask him what he is doing? Link to post Share on other sites
Survivor12 Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 When you texted him after two months of silence, did you explain why you hadn't contacted him sooner? When you contacted him & told him that you wanted to be friends, did you ask him if he wanted to? What else did you say in that text? Who broke off the relationship? It is very possible that he wasn't ready to be friends at that time--or that he believed that you may be wanting more & wasn't sure how to respond to what you said. There is a difference between being civil (or even "friendly") & being friends. Regardless of what has happened, the bottom line is that he has reached out to wish you well. You can either accept it for what it is and respond by thanking him or ignore it. To dwell over him not responding to you is a waste of emotionally energy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Maliel Posted November 27, 2015 Author Share Posted November 27, 2015 He is trying in his own way to make things ok. He just didn't think it through carefully enough. This could be true, I guess if I was on the opposite end I would want to make sure I thought everything through a little more clearly to avoid any weirdness or confusion. Cause then what? Is he just not going to say hi again or just wait until another birthday/holiday? Or wait and see if I say something down the line? He may not know how he feels about being friends yet. I would give him a pass just this once I guess.. I really appreciated the gesture, I just feel a little confused. If he was uncertain about being friends just yet but wanted to test the waters... wouldn't he communicate a little bit more? I've just never had a situation like this happen. It was like he literally just popped up, said something, created a little more confusion and promptly slid back to the dark recesses of NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted November 28, 2015 Share Posted November 28, 2015 If he really wants to stay in touch, he will have to make more of an effort. I wouldn't bother contacting him again. He knows where you stand now. Only time will show if he wants the same thing. If all he does is send you further polite texts over the holidays, I wouldn't read much into it, but if it sets you back from moving on I would question him about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Maliel Posted November 30, 2015 Author Share Posted November 30, 2015 When you texted him after two months of silence, did you explain why you hadn't contacted him sooner? When you contacted him & told him that you wanted to be friends, did you ask him if he wanted to? What else did you say in that text? Who broke off the relationship? I had mentioned that my girlfriend and I had run into a mutual friend of me and my ex's and that the encounter reminded me of some funny things. I asked how he was doing and said that I hoped we could be friends at some point. When he didn't respond, it really hurt my feelings. After that point I had pretty much assumed he never wanted to talk again. So one could imagine my surprise and confusion when he said something recently..without explaining why he didn't say anything before. What's more is that my text to him involved a question and invited conversation where his text months later was a statement.. 'happy birthday/thanksgiving and i hope all is well' .. statements don't typically invite further conversation. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 I think the reason he sent you the H-B-day, H-Thanksgiving message is because his family told him to. They remembered your b-day, told him they sent you a message and encouraged him to do the same to be nice. I think he was correct in not accepting your request to be friends because you can't be his friend as your emotions are still too involved. Could you handle him telling you about a new girl he is dating? I didn't think so, but this is what friends do. I think you should not reply to him as it doesn't warrant a reply and keep moving forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Maliel Posted December 1, 2015 Author Share Posted December 1, 2015 I think the reason he sent you the H-B-day, H-Thanksgiving message is because his family told him to. I doubt this is what fueled it, his friends and family aren't really the type to encourage him to do things like that, nor is he the type to listen to others if he does not agree with what they are saying. I think he was correct in not accepting your request to be friends because you can't be his friend as your emotions are still too involved. Perhaps, but he could have communicated that instead of ignoring me. That would make this recent communication a lot less confusing as I had assumed he did not want to talk again. Link to post Share on other sites
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