And So I Slept

[Lovelorn00]

...for 17 hours. Not because I was tired, no. Seeping is the only way I can escape my current reality. In dreams, I can still be with him. In dreams, my life has turned out differently. I completely understand why a "permanent sleep" is so romanticized after breakups. It's been a little over a month, and literally everything I see reminds me of him. A color, a shirt, a car, a commercial. There's no escape, but in sleep.

[Skullheart]

I completely understand where you are coming from but the only thing that you can do is just keep pushing forward.

 

I'm a month and a half in from my BU and everything still reminds me of her but I have to keep moving forward because one day it will get better, even if I don't believe it right now.

[LostInNC]

I am the total opposite I can't get sleep. It has been 3 weeks for me that I came home and he was gone and I haven't slept well since. I wake up constantly looking at his side of the bed. Shameful really but I haven't washed his pillow yet. I just let it stay there for now.

 

Would be nice if I could sleep. Less time awake to hurt. So I understand where you are coming from. Everything does remind me of him. So sad really.....

[K2z]

I take meds and alcohol (yeah, together, though I shouldn't) to sleep. I call it "meds o'clock."

 

It's that blissful 9-10 pm time of day when I can numb out and maybe forget.

 

It's a terrible abuse of my body, though, and I know I have to stop.

[StBreton]

I understand LL ... I've been there. It does pass ever so slowly. Your hopes were tied into this person and there are so many triggers that bring up that dream of being together.

 

Have you heard from him?

[Lovelorn00]

I understand LL ... I've been there. It does pass ever so slowly. Your hopes were tied into this person and there are so many triggers that bring up that dream of being together.

 

Have you heard from him?

 

I appreciate your understanding. I really do.

No, I haven't, and I don't expect to. He officially broke things off, so I wouldn't expect to hear from him again.

 

The triggers are overwhelming. I've been through breakups before, but I've never experienced so many freaking triggers. His name is absolutely everywhere I look. I pass guys on the street who look sort of like him out of the corner of my eye. I see his car everywhere. Hear his voice. It's maddening.

[Lovelorn00]

I am the total opposite I can't get sleep. It has been 3 weeks for me that I came home and he was gone and I haven't slept well since. I wake up constantly looking at his side of the bed. Shameful really but I haven't washed his pillow yet. I just let it stay there for now.

 

Would be nice if I could sleep. Less time awake to hurt. So I understand where you are coming from. Everything does remind me of him. So sad really.....

 

I'm sorry you're going through that. I can't imagine what I would do if I didn't have sleep as an escape.

[losangelena]

Sorry, LL. I'm almost three months out and I'm still struggling. Not as much as before, but I'll still occasionally cry on a dime, and so many things still remind me of him. I'm with you in the hopes that it gets better in time. Take care.

[parkwest]

I was devastated. Thinking of her with another man, replaying our final conversations, realizing I had to start over. That was just the relationship stuff. There were other things going on with my life as well. I chose alcohol. Yeah, it was rocky intermittent sleep, but it still was some sleep. My rationale was simply something to get me through the initial shock. Had I gone to a doctor, I'm sure they would have prescribed something.

 

I then stopped. Drank water almost exclusively and went for hour long walks. I then found my sleep was more peaceful for there would be nights with the alcohol I would really get depressed. It just takes time. I would suggest that you are still trying to hold on to your relationship. Wash the pillow and if there are things in the room that remind you of him, get rid of it. Not saying throw it away, but put it away until it no longer brings up the memories.

[AT15]

Every time I yearn for him and miss him...I ask the question who is it that "needs" him. And the answer is my ego, my little girl in me that feels incomplete. Who am I going to be? the woman who embodies love or the little incomplete ego, little girl who mistakenly thinks she needs love from the outside to exist.

 

I try to remind myself that what he is made of, I am made of; matter and energy. I do not need his because I gave my own.

 

I am Love. I wrap myself in my Love. When I do that the need for his love disappears. It's the detaching that is painful. And that is because attachment to something outside of us is not supposed to be.

 

Money, social status, husband, wives. They all come and they all go. The real you is on the inside.

[Lovelorn00]

but I'll still occasionally cry on a dime, and so many things still remind me of him.

 

… and that’s okay, losangelena. These past few weeks, I’ve really been evaluating my emotions and engaging in some pretty intense self-care. I think one thing that I’ve learned is that it’s okay to feel these things. These are human emotions, and they’re there for a reason. Sometimes the best growth happens when we are forced to “sit with” our suffering. Acknowledge it and observe it and forgive ourselves for it. Put an arm around it, and say, “I hear you. I understand. It’s okay.”

 

“The bravest sight in the world is to see a great man struggling against adversity.” - Seneca

[Lovelorn00]

I was devastated. Thinking of her with another man, replaying our final conversations, realizing I had to start over. That was just the relationship stuff. There were other things going on with my life as well. I chose alcohol. Yeah, it was rocky intermittent sleep, but it still was some sleep. My rationale was simply something to get me through the initial shock. Had I gone to a doctor, I'm sure they would have prescribed something.

 

I then stopped. Drank water almost exclusively and went for hour long walks. I then found my sleep was more peaceful for there would be nights with the alcohol I would really get depressed. It just takes time. I would suggest that you are still trying to hold on to your relationship. Wash the pillow and if there are things in the room that remind you of him, get rid of it. Not saying throw it away, but put it away until it no longer brings up the memories.

 

Thanks, parkwest. I have started to do as you suggested. I had a few gifts from him. One was displayed on my fridge, so I'd see it every time I went for food. Last week, I took all of those items and put them in a box. It's definitely helping a little.

[Lovelorn00]

Every time I yearn for him and miss him...I ask the question who is it that "needs" him. And the answer is my ego, my little girl in me that feels incomplete. Who am I going to be? the woman who embodies love or the little incomplete ego, little girl who mistakenly thinks she needs love from the outside to exist.

 

I try to remind myself that what he is made of, I am made of; matter and energy. I do not need his because I gave my own.

 

I am Love. I wrap myself in my Love. When I do that the need for his love disappears. It's the detaching that is painful. And that is because attachment to something outside of us is not supposed to be.

 

Money, social status, husband, wives. They all come and they all go. The real you is on the inside.

 

I agree with some of this, but then I'm having difficulty grasping the idea of the ego being the cause of your discomfort. Perhaps this is why I could never get through Eckhart Tolle's book, "The Power of Now" lol. I definitely understand the importance of self-love, and I make sure I practice it every day. However, I'd feel like I wasn't being honest with myself if I just tried to squash the emotions that I feel when I think of him. It's human to yearn. It's human to miss someone. It's human to want companionship (many would argue that it's human to NEED companionship).

 

Right now, I feel like I need to get to a place where I'm okay with feeling these very real human emotions of loss and sadness. I'm doing what I can to take care of myself and to enjoy being in each moment. Self-care and self-love are key, but I can't beat myself up for missing him or for yearning for him. There are biological reasons why these emotions are there, and instead of trying to supress them, I can celebrate and appreciate that my brain is capable of experiencing the whole gamut of emotions associated with being alive.

[AT15]

Definitely do not suppress your feelings.

 

I'm encouraging you to consider the layers. Your feelings are a form of communication. Listen to them, but don't identify with them. Because they come and then they go. You are always here. When we put all of our attention and dwell in the feelings we begin to attach ourselves to them and we think we are "sad" or "depressed", but no we are not. We are feeling it temporarily, then we let them pass. We are the space that always it to exist. You can detach from the emotion. It feels like a relief. It's like dropping the story of he and you. When you drop the judgement and the story, all of a sudden you have no problems. And you do not have any resentments and you are at peace.

 

Try to read some books by Byron Katie. It helps a lot.

 

I'm going through a break up, and when I find myself dropping the story of "us" and the "break-up" ....he texts me. I think we need space as human beings.

[AspenBaldwin]

A mighty pain to love it is,

and tis a pain that pain to miss,

but of all pains the greatest pain

it is to love but love in vain.

 

 

(A.Cowley)

[Lovelorn00]

Definitely do not suppress your feelings.

 

I'm encouraging you to consider the layers. Your feelings are a form of communication. Listen to them, but don't identify with them. Because they come and then they go. You are always here. When we put all of our attention and dwell in the feelings we begin to attach ourselves to them and we think we are "sad" or "depressed", but no we are not. We are feeling it temporarily, then we let them pass. We are the space that always it to exist. You can detach from the emotion. It feels like a relief. It's like dropping the story of he and you. When you drop the judgement and the story, all of a sudden you have no problems. And you do not have any resentments and you are at peace.

 

Try to read some books by Byron Katie. It helps a lot.

 

I'm going through a break up, and when I find myself dropping the story of "us" and the "break-up" ....he texts me. I think we need space as human beings.

 

Ah, gotcha. Now I see what you're saying, and I think I've been doing a little bit of that. I haven't been suppressing my emotions, rather, I've been treating them almost as if they're separate entities. I've been trying to observe them from afar, if that makes any sense. Not let them define who I am. I look at the depression and sadness and understand that I am not my feelings. There's something in me that's able to observe those emotions. Who is it? In the statement, "I'm feeling sad," who is the "I"?

 

I like that you use the word "layers," because it really is starting to feel that way. There's a deeper consciousness within me that's observing my feelings, but it's pretty deep in there. My brain likes to attach so quickly to the feeling of suffering and hurting that it's taken a lot of work to separate who I am from those feelings.

 

Hmmm. I'm checking out this Byron Katie. She has a lot of articles on her website. I don't know. I just don't know. She sounds very much like Eckhart. Their messages just don't resonate with me, for some reason. I'm not sure what I'm missing. Something about it seems false to me. Like it's not genuine. I have a really hard time believing a person who claims to have eliminated suffering from his/her life.

[StBreton]

Ah, gotcha. Now I see what you're saying, and I think I've been doing a little bit of that. I haven't been suppressing my emotions, rather, I've been treating them almost as if they're separate entities. I've been trying to observe them from afar, if that makes any sense. Not let them define who I am. I look at the depression and sadness and understand that I am not my feelings. There's something in me that's able to observe those emotions. Who is it? In the statement, "I'm feeling sad," who is the "I"?

 

I like that you use the word "layers," because it really is starting to feel that way. There's a deeper consciousness within me that's observing my feelings, but it's pretty deep in there. My brain likes to attach so quickly to the feeling of suffering and hurting that it's taken a lot of work to separate who I am from those feelings.

 

Hmmm. I'm checking out this Byron Katie. She has a lot of articles on her website. I don't know. I just don't know. She sounds very much like Eckhart. Their messages just don't resonate with me, for some reason. I'm not sure what I'm missing. Something about it seems false to me. Like it's not genuine. I have a really hard time believing a person who claims to have eliminated suffering from his/her life.

 

I feel I completely understand what AT is saying as well and agree. It's almost a state of enlightenment but also you do feel all those emotions...it's just a separate piece.

 

LL...I think the "I" of which you speak is the ego (as AT spoke of in an earlier post). I think the basic needs might be the "Id" ... this is what you come with/who you are at birth. I haven't read Freud in a while and can't remember all the meanings and nuances. Maybe look up Id, Ego, Superego for a greater understanding.