monkeymaid Posted November 21, 2015 Share Posted November 21, 2015 Its been 5 months to the day today, and I am sitting on my bed having an anxiety attack because of the breakup. I have logic-ed my way through it all, I've let the feelings hit and wash over me, I've been taking care of myself and doing it all right, but tonight, its hitting harder again. The anxiety is nearly crippling and I cant find a foot to stand on. We were together for 5 years. I loved her completely, and she mostly loved me. We were supposed to move away so she could go to grad school, but at the last minute, she decided she wanted to go alone. Gave me all the BS about seeing it in the future, but she needed to do it alone for now. I said we go together or we have to be done. She never made up her mind, just buried her head in teh sand to the whole situation. I respect her confusion, but also couldnt stay with a woman that was wishy washy about our relationship, especially after already having gone through a breakup, lost pregnancy, and a bunch of other crap, and when our relationship seemed so strong to me. I tried talking to her for weeks about it all, but she refused to acknowledge it, so at zero hour, through a long conversation, and lots of tears, I made the call to end it. She was still confused to hell through that. Its been VERY limited contact for the last 3.5 months, with no conversations actually ever taking place. ..She reads my blog almost daily (I have location and IP alerts for high traffic visitors), but still hasnt reached out. As I am writing this, my feelings are going from overwheliming sadness and anxiety to extreme anger and resentment. It was supposed to work, but it didnt. In my head and my heart, I cant imagine it getting better than her. I've been around the block, and I've never met a better person. How the hell do I accept this loss and start moving on? Ive dated others when I thought I was ready, and they were nice, I didnt make comparisons till this week actually, and I just feel lost. Anyone more than 5 months in and still absolutely lost? I see my therapist too, and she helps so much, but I feel like this might do me in for the forseeable future. anyone have any thoughts, or ideas on any of this? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BelleSkye Posted November 21, 2015 Share Posted November 21, 2015 You have to accept that this is over. I will also consider trying to block her from accessing your blog. You have to experience no contact on all levels. When the pain comes through, dont fight it. Experience it. And (I really hate this line), time will apparently make the pain go away. You wont forget her, you may still compare her to other girls. But the pain will not be there anymore. Only the burden of moving on will be finding love again rather than getting over her. I am just talking from my experience. That is how I understand when you loved someone with so much passion and admiration. Years ago, I was 19, I fell in love with a med student (can you imagine how happy my mother was, showing me off to relatives that I was going to marry a 'doctor). Anyway, he broke my heart. It took me....6 years to love again as passionately as I did with him. And I still do think about him. Im grateful things didnt work out between him and I. But I had to get my heart broken again by another guy to fully forget the med school guy. The last guy I fell in love with FAILED HIGH SCHOOL but I met him at work (he has no formal education, was a pot head but came out clean in the end). I found him more attractive and more intelligent than the doctor guy. Im now 33 y/o. I wish I had learnt how to get over the doctor guy faster but I am dreading that its going to be another 5 or 6 years till I find that passionate love again. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted November 21, 2015 Share Posted November 21, 2015 I'm 11 months on from a 3 year relationship. He left me for another girl. I feel horrible. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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