TheLoveBelow92 Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 Ive been on boards the last nearly 4 months trying to find answers for questions I had that never seemed to end about my past relationship. Ive been totally heartbroken to a point I felt of no repair, cried for 3 months straight beating myself up and blaming myself for everything, been on anti depressants and anxiety tablets been suicidal at times that that was the only comfort I had. I found this thread on another website you must read everyone who is going through heartbreak and finding it tough to deal with. Everyone has to stop beating them selves up and overthinking things and blaming themselves, ive made my life a misery because of this and it was all self inflicted not because I got my heartbroken but because I was fighting with myself. You have to realize if someone broke up with you and time has gone by it didnt come out of no where. Your really need to read this and understand the dumpers point of view https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=425892 Please let me know how you feel, This has helped me wonders and im actually quite pissed for how I acted the last while for someone that doesn't deserve and single thought from me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
luck1978 Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 Some interesting viewpoints, it's amazing how much you fool yourself into thinking they are finding this as difficult as you are. The whole experience is quite traumatising but you really have to do everything to get over it as quickly as possible and do everything to not to see the relationship through Rose coloured glasses and hoping you'll get back together as this is just simply a waste of your time and emotions and prolongs acceptance of the reality ;-) Leaves me with a favourite quote I posted elsewhere: "When you are seeing the relationship through Rose coloured glasses, all the red flags just look like flags " 4 Link to post Share on other sites
seekingpeaceinlove Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 (edited) Thank you Thank you for the link! I really needed to read that thread..more specifically - the dumper's prospective. It's been a month since I was dumped and I've been stuck on rewind replaying the relationship, the arguments, the good times, the bad times, the words we said to each other.. over and over again. Even though I knew the relationship wasn't working I refused to face reality and stayed. I always blamed myself, thinking that if I changed this or that about myself, he would be happy. No matter...he still broke up with me and blamed me in the end. I was never good enough just as myself. I tried so hard with this man, and frankly, he just wasn't that into me. Simple. He was looking for an out and found one. I, like others, wondered how he could passionately make love to me and say, " I love you" one day and then cut me out of his life the next..but I'm accepting that he was probably struggling inside, like me, weighing the good and bad. If I had valued myself and knew my worth, I would never have gone through the BS that I went through in this relationship. He was not the ideal man for me and yet I was chasing him throughout the entire relationship thinking that I needed to change who I was. It's obvious that I have huge self esteem issues. He had the courage to break it off. I never did. I always wanted to try even when it wasn't working. I guess I should thank him, huh? At the end of the day, my ex and I were not meant to be. There is someone better out there for the both of us. Edited October 26, 2015 by seekingpeaceinlove 5 Link to post Share on other sites
mystikmind2005 Posted October 29, 2015 Share Posted October 29, 2015 Thank you Thank you for the link! I really needed to read that thread..more specifically - the dumper's prospective. It's been a month since I was dumped and I've been stuck on rewind replaying the relationship, the arguments, the good times, the bad times, the words we said to each other.. over and over again. Even though I knew the relationship wasn't working I refused to face reality and stayed. I always blamed myself, thinking that if I changed this or that about myself, he would be happy. No matter...he still broke up with me and blamed me in the end. I was never good enough just as myself. I tried so hard with this man, and frankly, he just wasn't that into me. Simple. He was looking for an out and found one. I, like others, wondered how he could passionately make love to me and say, " I love you" one day and then cut me out of his life the next..but I'm accepting that he was probably struggling inside, like me, weighing the good and bad. If I had valued myself and knew my worth, I would never have gone through the BS that I went through in this relationship. He was not the ideal man for me and yet I was chasing him throughout the entire relationship thinking that I needed to change who I was. It's obvious that I have huge self esteem issues. He had the courage to break it off. I never did. I always wanted to try even when it wasn't working. I guess I should thank him, huh? At the end of the day, my ex and I were not meant to be. There is someone better out there for the both of us. Wow, this post speaks to my situation more than anything i have seen in a long time! thank you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Winesar21 Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 Wow I feel the same way you do. I'm actually sitting here crying beating myself up. I do have anxiety and depression which I do blame myself for. But he had a hard time accepting his faults. This post is great! I realize that I am not alone out there. Today is a tough day. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gretel Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 A little over 28 years ago I cheated on and left my boyfriend of 3 years. We were 21 when we met, and he was the light of my life. But as time went on in the relationship I became less and less happy. I knew even a few months in that we would never be able to stay together and that it would be a tragic ending, but I stayed with him because we were so close and I really didn't want to hurt him or be without him. It was very confusing. I read the link you posted about dumpers and it rings true. I didn't contact him very often after the breakup because I had about a year to get over him before he even knew what hit him, and I felt like I was just hurting him more when I contacted him. I was young and afraid of the truth, which was that our lives were going in opposite directions and I didn't want to stay with him. I was a very ambitious over-achiever from a striving middle class family, and he was a very smart, handsome, funny, life of the party, alcoholic, college drop out from a more prominent background. There were numerous times in the first months of dating him I should have ended it. He was unreliable and at times very selfish in his desire to be free to drink and carry on with his friends as if I didn't exist, but I was always afraid to confront him. I didn't think I should try to change him or be a naggy girlfriend so I always forgave his screw ups. But it eventually wore thin. I am writing this now as a married 52 year old mother and recent cancer survivor. I finally found my ex on FB but still didn't contact him. Even all these years later I didn't think he needed to see my wedding pictures with the family that was almost his. He died shortly after I found his FB and I was devastated and still am, but I stand by my decision not to have made contact again. Some things in life are just meant for a certain time and place. As sad as his passing is, he seems to have had a good life. He was in love and was loved when he died. He had spent a lot of time with family members and he had life long friends. He finally found a profession that it seemed he enjoyed. My version of his life, had I "fixed" him into being right for me, would probably not have been as happy for him. My message to you: as painful as this breakup has been, there is a reason. You may not be able to see this now but you will some day. Stay strong, work on your dreams. The right person will be there when the time is right. You are still very young and this relationship wasn't the right one for your future. You will see. You may even forgive her some day. On the day of my ex's funeral, in tears I went back to his FB page. I pushed the message icon and saw he had left me a message on my birthday the year before which I had never seen. A few more days and it would have been erased. I can't tell you what this means to me. Even though I was the dumper. His love will always be with me. Hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
LostInNC Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 Not being ugly but I think dumpers really don't give a ****. Simple as that they are through, they are done and they are free of the dumpee which is cause for them to be happy. Sorry but true. Link to post Share on other sites
2mehappiness Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 Not being ugly but I think dumpers really don't give a ****. Simple as that they are through, they are done and they are free of the dumpee which is cause for them to be happy. Sorry but true. LostInNC: I read your posts and I sincerely hope you are feeling better. You know the dumper most likely don't care about you, so try not to mope around. I know it is really hard as your heart is reacting a certain way and you feel like you have no control over it. For me, I was so tired of being miserable I really pushed myself. I poured myself out to friends and my counsellor, pretty much to anyone who would care. I went to the gym for the first time in years and surprisingly it felt really good. I still have a huge void that I am awkwardly trying to accept but I am starting to smile again and you can too. OP: Thank you for the link. I instantly felt better after reading the article. It pissed me off a bit as I felt like wasted a lot of time crying over somebody who simply doesn't care. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheLoveBelow92 Posted November 25, 2015 Author Share Posted November 25, 2015 LostInNC: I read your posts and I sincerely hope you are feeling better. You know the dumper most likely don't care about you, so try not to mope around. I know it is really hard as your heart is reacting a certain way and you feel like you have no control over it. For me, I was so tired of being miserable I really pushed myself. I poured myself out to friends and my counselor, pretty much to anyone who would care. I went to the gym for the first time in years and surprisingly it felt really good. I still have a huge void that I am awkwardly trying to accept but I am starting to smile again and you can too. OP: Thank you for the link. I instantly felt better after reading the article. It pissed me off a bit as I felt like wasted a lot of time crying over somebody who simply doesn't care. Glad it helped people see things in a different light Link to post Share on other sites
Kristine Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 This is the first time a husband has instigated the end, but that post is right. I held onto him too long, he wanted out before marriage. Why he did marry me, I sometimes wonder about. But my heart of hearts knows, he was looking for an out, saw one, and hit the pavement running fast and furious. Still hurts, not going to lie. But I'm better off without him and have learned from this experience. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheLoveBelow92 Posted November 26, 2015 Author Share Posted November 26, 2015 This is the first time a husband has instigated the end, but that post is right. I held onto him too long, he wanted out before marriage. Why he did marry me, I sometimes wonder about. But my heart of hearts knows, he was looking for an out, saw one, and hit the pavement running fast and furious. Still hurts, not going to lie. But I'm better off without him and have learned from this experience. Once you learn, you will never forget. We are Blind in a sense to this and thats why we get hit hard and kind of blind struck and you make excuses for the situation for a while... until reality starts sinking in about things that have happened since and just before. Lifes lessons can really hit you. Hope your doing well and doing better now Link to post Share on other sites
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