Party and ex will be there with her bf

[Stage5Clinger]

My last big crush lead me on big time and ditched me for some guy. They are apparently still together or whatever. I've been doing really good and had her blocked on social media.

 

Well my relative is throwing a surprise party for her boyfriend and I feel totally obligated to go. Unfortunately, I met this girl through her and she's going to be there (probably with her new boyfriend).

 

I don't know what to do. I almost don't even want to go. I don't want to see her it's only going to eat me alive inside. Especially if she brings her boyfriend (and she will).

 

What should I do? I don't have a girlfriend or even a cute girl to bring to this party with me and it's in a week.

[TunaCat]

Wait, was it a crush or an actual, established relationship?

 

Why would you go to a party for someone you don't even like? It doesn't make any sense even though it's your relative that's hosting the party.

[CT98]

I wouldn't bother going, I've been in this kind of situation before, and it's totally pointless being there.

 

It will be a night full of anxiety, awkwardness & misery. Why put yourself through that?

 

Why not go and have a laugh with some friends instead?

 

If you go you'll wish you hadn't. Trust me.

Edited October 9, 2015 by CT98

[Stage5Clinger]

I wouldn't bother going, I've been in this kind of situation before, and it's totally pointless being there.

 

It will be a night full of anxiety, awkwardness & misery. Why put yourself through that?

 

Why not go and have a laugh with some friends instead?

 

If you go you'll wish you hadn't. Trust me.

 

This is kinda where I'm leaning too. The awkwardness and pain would outweigh the excitement and fun almost undoubtedly.

[Stage5Clinger]

Wait, was it a crush or an actual, established relationship?

 

Why would you go to a party for someone you don't even like? It doesn't make any sense even though it's your relative that's hosting the party.

 

Crush mainly, few dates, nothing serious but I really liked the girl a lot. She kinda lead me on making it worse and then just faded into another guys' arms. I unblocked her to see if she was going to this party and she is. She has a picture of her and her new boyfriend on facebook. The picture of her new boyfriend looks like it's her uncle or something they look so similar, both gingers, makes me want to barf. He looks way older too.

 

I wanted to go to hang out with my relative and her boyfriend who I like them both quite a lot -- but with this situation I don't think it's worth it. I also wanted to go and hopefully mingle with people because I don't get out much.

[perol]

She's not even an ex, she's someone you dated briefly.

 

Get over it. Get over HER and go to the party.

 

Think of it as an exercise in self control and self discipline.

 

A girl you dated briefly is not worth making sacrifices such as this.

[Stage5Clinger]

She's not even an ex, she's someone you dated briefly.

 

Get over it. Get over HER and go to the party.

 

Think of it as an exercise in self control and self discipline.

 

A girl you dated briefly is not worth making sacrifices such as this.

 

Probably true.. The hard part is to be humble and show up a single guy -- and watch this girl with her boyfriend. I realize we were never official but that doesn't make it any easier. I was pretty much rejected for this guy so you can consider how that feels.

 

I should also probably mention it's going to be a very small party. Probably a bonfire with less than 20 guests. It's not like I can completely avoid her.

[SheleftmeforMichael]

Judging from how you wrote the first post in this thread, it doesn't sound like you have the right mindset to withstand how you'll feel (you still like her and are hurt from it not working out when you were dating) and what you'll see if she walks in with her dude. So you may have already made up your decision based on that alone.

 

You didn't say whether or not if this gathering would be comprised primarily of couples or other single people.

 

But i'm kind of with perol on this.

 

If you only dated with this girl and things didn't work it and there was no real longevity/history, I would not let that stop you from going to where you want to go at all. Do not give your power away to anyone unnecessarily out of fear of the unknown. Man up, control your doubt and go. Be brave. Face the conflict rather than running from it. You might end up having a great time and missing out on opportunity if you don't go.

[Stage5Clinger]

Judging from how you wrote the first post in this thread, it doesn't sound like you have the right mindset to withstand how you'll feel (you still like her and are hurt from it not working out when you were dating) and what you'll see if she walks in with her dude. So you may have already made up your decision based on that alone.

 

You didn't say whether or not if this gathering would be comprised primarily of couples or other single people.

 

But i'm kind of with perol on this.

 

If you only dated with this girl and things didn't work it and there was no real longevity/history, I would not let that stop you from going to where you want to go at all. Do not give your power away to anyone unnecessarily out of fear of the unknown. Man up, control your doubt and go. Be brave. Face the conflict rather than running from it. You might end up having a great time and missing out on opportunity if you don't go.

 

Really love the last paragraph here. I get social anxiety even in not awkward situations. There will primarily be couples there -- I may even be the only single person there. I know of another single guy who is invited but I haven't hooked up with him to see if he's going for sure. It says on fb he is going.

 

That is part of the problem too is that this girl already dissed me, thinks I'm some kind of loser, and then I show up to this party and be the odd one out. I realize on the flip side I could show up super confident and single which could come off as attractive but at the end of the day I'm the one who gets hurt. I am the one watching her behavior with her new boyfriend and whatever after she tells me she's not ready to be in a relationship. Lots of frustration still there for me.

[SheleftmeforMichael]

Really love the last paragraph here. I get social anxiety even in not awkward situations. There will primarily be couples there -- I may even be the only single person there. I know of another single guy who is invited but I haven't hooked up with him to see if he's going for sure. It says on fb he is going.

 

That is part of the problem too is that this girl already dissed me, thinks I'm some kind of loser, and then I show up to this party and be the odd one out. I realize on the flip side I could show up super confident and single which could come off as attractive but at the end of the day I'm the one who gets hurt. I am the one watching her behavior with her new boyfriend and whatever after she tells me she's not ready to be in a relationship. Lots of frustration still there for me.

 

Stage5, you didn't really state how soon this event is coming up, but if I were you. I'd do some reconnaissance to find out who is going, who will be there and who among them that you know and are friends with. If you don't know anyone close and you'll be walking into a group of couples...yes...unless you're socially adept or don't care, you may feel like an odd man out. Know what you'll be getting into if you can. Your ability to deal with that kind of situation might dissuade you from going or...this might be the perfect test/challenge to see how you cope and if you can do it (if you have/are in the right mindset, then go for it). I know what I would do. What will you do?

 

As far as worrying about how you may be perceived by that girl...don't be. Any opinion she may have of you is just that...her opinion. Don't let her perceived opinion control what you want to do or how you may feel. Don't give away power like that. Make sure that you are going to this event for you, and you alone. You're not going there for her and to give her attention. Don't waste your time like that. If you go, go to enjoy the time you'll be having.

[Stage5Clinger]

Stage5, you didn't really state how soon this event is coming up, but if I were you. I'd do some reconnaissance to find out who is going, who will be there and who among them that you know and are friends with. If you don't know anyone close and you'll be walking into a group of couples...yes...unless you're socially adept or don't care, you may feel like an odd man out. Know what you'll be getting into if you can. Your ability to deal with that kind of situation might dissuade you from going or...this might be the perfect test/challenge to see how you cope and if you can do it (if you have/are in the right mindset, then go for it). I know what I would do. What will you do?

 

As far as worrying about how you may be perceived by that girl...don't be. Any opinion she may have of you is just that...her opinion. Don't let her perceived opinion control what you want to do or how you may feel. Don't give away power like that. Make sure that you are going to this event for you, and you alone. You're not going there for her and to give her attention. Don't waste your time like that. If you go, go to enjoy the time you'll be having.

 

Thanks, man. I think I'm going to try and twist my own arm and go. If it sucks I'll just bail super early but it might be healthy to work through it instead of avoid this girl altogether. I just worry she's going to try and enter my life again.