Was I insecure or was my gut feeling right?

[start8957]

I woke up today at 5am with a sickening feeling and my mind rushing of all the things my ex did during the end of the relationship that should've led me to believe that he was talking to someone else.

For about 4 months he made me really insecure in the relationship. His behavior changed towards me and I felt like he just stopped caring. Then I noticed how his actions changed. He would hide his phone, never even take it out of his pocket. He would put it under the pillow instead of on the dresser. He would get texts while sleeping very late into the night. Sex was close to gone. I would lose sleep over this because I just felt that something was off. I remember that I tried asking very casually once or twice and he would just get mad and give me a snappy response. But for some reason my gut feeling was telling me that something wasn't right.

In the end he did leave me by slowly pushing me away, and when I found out he was hanging out with someone else and giving her the time of day by traveling hours to see her; I couldn't even get a simple text back or an honest conversation about how we should break up.

Was I just crazy and insecure about being suspicious? This is what I've been telling myself the whole time but now I think I had a good reason to think how I did. I know none of this matters anymore. But I do have a feeling that he was lying for a while and I kept trying to tell myself the opposite. Even during the break up I blamed everything on myself.

 

I just don't want to repeat the same mistake all over again. I don't know if my suspicion was rational or not. I guess I'm looking for closure that I'm not going to get from him. I'm trying to see the big picture of what really happened. I don't want to bring this issue into my next relationship, whenever that happens.

I actually don't even want to think about this anymore, I've been doing decent since the breakup 3 weeks ago. But today is worse and my mind can't stop trying to put the pieces together and make me realize who I was really dating.

Edited September 28, 2015 by start8957

[NVO]

Don't beat yourself up over it, you are only three weeks on the road to recovery. I'm in my 4th month now and my ex is still on top of my mind. The pain and hurt fade away though.

 

Seems to me that you're gut feeling was right. So, next time trust your instincts! Your summing up all the signs that I recognize when my ex was cheating on me a few years ago. And hiding their phones is a major, major red flag for me. This does not mean that we will always be right, but we've learned the hard way that we can not ignore these signs.

[start8957]

I'm trying not to beat myself up, but I just want to be over this whole thing already. It sucked, I let it last too long, and I'm ready to be done.

 

Waking up today was like an eureka moment. This whole time he made it seem like I was crazy for suspecting anything, I even thought that it was wrong that I didn't fully trust him. Now I'm realizing that maybe I wasn't crazy and making myself worry for nothing.

[lostsoul6486]

This is like a mirror image of something I went through a few months after my break up. My ex most definitely cheated on me once in the middle of our relationship and possibly again with a different guy towards the end. I had those sleepless nights and "casual" conversations with her and she always found a way to make me feel like I was crazy for not trusting her. I even caught her late one night with the guy at her house and she attributed it to "studying." I was just so in love with her that I believed everything she said no matter what my gut knew was the truth. This lasted for a little bit but then the guy just kinda disappeared. A couple of months later the break up came and she started dating a guy who became her "friend" towards the end of our relationship.

 

After a few months of being single, I was angered about the fact that I didn't trust my instincts because her unfaithfulness was plain as day. I just never had the guts to directly confront her about it. I would beat around the bush by trying to casually bring it up. To this day I sometimes get pissed off when I think about it, but what's done is done.

 

You might go through times where you beat yourself up over this. You might also have times where you blame yourself and tell yourself that maybe you were being irrational. At least that's what happens to me every once in a while. No matter what, you have to realize that you're never going to get a definitive answer; however, "Trust your gut," isn't a phrase for nothing. Most of the time, it's right. You just have to come to your own conclusion and roll with it.