Ex Re-Iniated Contact: Never expected to hear from him again.....now confused

[seductress989]

I am truly surpised by my ex's latest actions. For people who don't know my story, I'll give you a little summary. I dumped my ex 7 months ago and have been doing 100% NC for almost 2 months. Recently, I received an email wishing me a happy new year. I thought nothing of it and didn't respond thinking I would never hear from him again. I was also beginning to think that I was finally getting over him.

Last night, he IMs me saying Hey. I don't respond. A few minutes later he says, I guess you don't want to talk to me....That was the end of that. Later on close to midnight, he IMs me again much to my surprise asking if I was there and then ending with Sorry to bother you.

The reason I'm surpised is b/c he never iniated contact before, why is he doing it now? This is the longest time we've ever not seen each other. It's got me so confused. I'm really wondering why he contacted me......now? The last time we seen each, which was last year, I told him I had a b/f. I don't, but I lied to hurt him since he had said some very hurtful things to me earlier that evening.

This is my question: oddly enough, I feel guilty for not responding to his IMs. I thought I was getting over him. Now, I'm having second thoughts. Can anyone offer an explanation for his actions and my feeling of guilt?

[head/heels]

what to tell you...do you think you might want to try again?

 

if not, then just block him on the IM and dont worry about it...he needs that closure too

 

thats all i can say wo more info

[Weird]

just be honest to him meaning reply to him if he messages you.

 

very disrespectful to not even reply back.

 

Remember, you dumped the guy not the other way around.

[ion]

I don't really get that clear a picture what occurred in your relationship, so it's hard to give an impression or opinion on why you could feel guilty or the reason your ex-boyfriend is contacting you.

 

Why did you dump him? Why did you initiate no contact?

 

Clearly around the holidays people reach out because they are lonely, etc..

[seductress989]

I dumped my ex 7 months ago for the 4th and final time over something stupid. During the last 6 months that we dated, we argued a lot. The chemistry between us is unmistakable and we couldn't stay away from each other after the breakup until I finally held through w/my 2nd successful attempt at NC. My first attempt failed b/c I gave in and went to see him.

My 2nd time of NC began in early November and I haven't seen or spoken to him since. He sends me a nice short email on Christmas wishing me happy holidays, but I never respond. Just a day ago, on Tuesday, is when he IM'd me twice during one day. It was the hardest thing I ever done to ignore his messages. I wanted to talk to him so badly. But my goal of NC this time is at least 6 months.

 

He hurt me so bad, I finally got to the point where I have no mercy for him. I mean, I'd love to talk to him and all that, but I know that's what he expects from me. I've always gave in to him until now and I'm actually proud of myself.

 

My feelings have changed for him, but I'm wondering why would he try to contact me twice in one day when he's never done that before. I expect, after my lack of response, that he won't try again. But, why did he try in the first place? Guys, please help me out on this one. I don't want to hurt him anymore even tho he did hurt me badly. I just want to know why first.

[angelstar]

Do you still have feelings for this guy?

 

TO be honest the only way to find out whats going on is to ask him. TEXT him back and ask him what he wants.

 

Say something like?

 

" Hi, got your SMS. hows things? or whats up with you?" just make it short and sweet. Ask him what he wants!

 

I would like to know why guys actually do this to... I've had this in the past before. I think I'm going to post a note to get a response to that question?

 

I think guys we've dated in the past genuienely want to be friends and nothing more. Im not really sure why?

 

Maybe theres more to it than meets the eye! Maybe they want to see us again.

 

Why would a guy come back after all that time if he wasnt interested in you.

 

Could be lonely, maybe? Maybe hes wants to shag?

 

ASK HIM...

 

and let us all know what he wants

 

Angelstar

[ddindc]

As a guy whose just come out of a five year relationship with engagement, I can say that I always initiated contact after a break-up because I wanted her back. Often, this would take some time to realize; I would have an epiphiny, see that she was the one, and hope against hope that she would actually return. This worked about four times (we were not terribly compatible, but we loved each other very, very much), and even led to a proposal. He may be experiencing the same thing. If you are done with him, move on; if not, listen to what he has to say. Don't let pride or vengence stand in the way of what could be something more than you had before.

[Weird]

He hurt me so bad,

 

I love this...you dont think you hurt him?

 

This is one of those cases (to those who don't know...I do) where a person dumps another person, says some nasty stuff to them and then acts like they were the victim and the person they dumped just totally destroyed them and all that jazz.

[iceisles]

Originally posted by Weird

I love this...you dont think you hurt him?

 

This is one of those cases (to those who don't know...I do) where a person dumps another person, says some nasty stuff to them and then acts like they were the victim and the person they dumped just totally destroyed them and all that jazz.

 

Ditto, Weird. My ex could win an Academy Award for trying to convince me that she was the victim on our breakup. Hello - you were banging him, not me!

[ddindc]

Look, I know you're bitter, but you're getting a bit off-topic. She's asking a question, not an outlet for your anger.

[ion]

Your story doesn't make sense to me.

 

What I mean is that, it's clear you have feelings for him and it ended over something stupid.

 

Why is it *important* to have NC for a period of six months? NC's purpose is to protect you by making it easier to let go. From the way you're talking, it seems like it's a weight (120lb) that you're going to diet down to, a goal. However, you're not changing your lifestyle or diet to maintain that change in your life. NC is to help you change how you are...

 

There is no way to know why he contacted in an absolute sense. Probably he wanted to have some contact with you and see if things had changed, even towards getting back together. Maybe he wanted to see if the pain had ended and you could be friends. It's unsure.

 

You said your feelings had changed for him, if this is the case, do you want to friends now? Could you be? Can you have boundaries that you both could respect?

 

My opinion is that you should let sleeping dogs lie.

 

 

 

Originally posted by seductress989

I dumped my ex 7 months ago for the 4th and final time over something stupid. During the last 6 months that we dated, we argued a lot. The chemistry between us is unmistakable and we couldn't stay away from each other after the breakup until I finally held through w/my 2nd successful attempt at NC. My first attempt failed b/c I gave in and went to see him.

My 2nd time of NC began in early November and I haven't seen or spoken to him since. He sends me a nice short email on Christmas wishing me happy holidays, but I never respond. Just a day ago, on Tuesday, is when he IM'd me twice during one day. It was the hardest thing I ever done to ignore his messages. I wanted to talk to him so badly. But my goal of NC this time is at least 6 months.

 

He hurt me so bad, I finally got to the point where I have no mercy for him. I mean, I'd love to talk to him and all that, but I know that's what he expects from me. I've always gave in to him until now and I'm actually proud of myself.

 

My feelings have changed for him, but I'm wondering why would he try to contact me twice in one day when he's never done that before. I expect, after my lack of response, that he won't try again. But, why did he try in the first place? Guys, please help me out on this one. I don't want to hurt him anymore even tho he did hurt me badly. I just want to know why first.

[iceisles]

Originally posted by ddindc

Look, I know you're bitter, but you're getting a bit off-topic. She's asking a question, not an outlet for your anger.

 

Now is not the time to be dancing on this land mine. Let it be.

[daphne]

Originally posted by iceisles

Hello - you were banging him, not me!

 

lol. funny. but i think dd is right. you guys tend to get on a gender slant as if the op was your ex and you get to promote your agenda on someone else. she had her reasons to break up w/ him and it sounds like he hurt her so she broke up w/ him (weird). him being hurt by his own foolishness is not her fault.

 

seriously tho guys, the minute you stop seeing your ex in all of the posts and aren't angry and are more understanding, yiu'll know you're done and the ex can't hurt you anymore.

 

til then, there's always gin.

[seductress989]

Thanks for all the responses!!!!!!!!!!! I wasn't expecting that. Well....I've decided that I do want to be friends with my ex. Just not right now. I don't think he will contact me, but If he tries contacting me, I will probably respond. I know now that I don't have feelings for him and that I'm pretty much over him. So it wouldn't bother me now to talk to him. There's no feelings on my side anymore.

 

I met an amazing guy over the weekend with chemistry, sparks......etc.....We spent hours together talking and gettting to know each other. It was wonderful. I totally forgot my ex when I was with him! It was like my ex never existed! Guys, thank you so much for helping me maintain NC! It has helped me so much. It has been over 2 months now and I couldn't feel better about it.

 

I can't get this new guy off my mind. I know that he likes me b/c I gave him my number and he called the next day! We spent more time together and I'm already missing him now! I don't think I'll be posting on my ex anymore. I'm really happy where I'm at now. Even if things don't work out with the new guy, meeting him has helped me realize that I am over my ex.

[seductress989]

Oh and btw guys, if you think this is a rebound, you're wrong. My ex and I have been broken up for 7 months and doing NC for over 2. I may be infatuated with this new guy, but who isn't that way when they first meet someone and everything's new again?

 

I offer this as a message of hope to all the people on LS who think the world has ended b/c their ex won't contact them or confuses them. You will move on and meet new people who will make you forget your ex ever existed! I have moved on entirely and NC helped me through it. I believe everyone needs time alone to put themselves together again.

 

I will keep you guys posted on the new guy. He is hot, yet shy and also very SEXY!I think the chemistry w/him outdoes that of my ex's and I's. I couldn't be happier.

[ion]

Congratulations on realizing you have moved on and the new situation.

 

Looks like NC worked, Good luck!

[theone44]

Originally posted by seductress989

I dumped my ex 7 months ago for the 4th and final time over something stupid. During the last 6 months that we dated, we argued a lot. The chemistry between us is unmistakable and we couldn't stay away from each other after the breakup until I finally held through w/my 2nd successful attempt at NC. My first attempt failed b/c I gave in and went to see him.

My 2nd time of NC began in early November and I haven't seen or spoken to him since. He sends me a nice short email on Christmas wishing me happy holidays, but I never respond. Just a day ago, on Tuesday, is when he IM'd me twice during one day. It was the hardest thing I ever done to ignore his messages. I wanted to talk to him so badly. But my goal of NC this time is at least 6 months.

 

He hurt me so bad, I finally got to the point where I have no mercy for him. I mean, I'd love to talk to him and all that, but I know that's what he expects from me. I've always gave in to him until now and I'm actually proud of myself.

 

My feelings have changed for him, but I'm wondering why would he try to contact me twice in one day when he's never done that before. I expect, after my lack of response, that he won't try again. But, why did he try in the first place? Guys, please help me out on this one. I don't want to hurt him anymore even tho he did hurt me badly. I just want to know why first.

 

 

 

 

Well it might be because he did you wrong,and want to ask you for forgiveness,so he can live in peace with himself,or maybe he have to much pride to do so.

 

 

 

 

 

"before a fall there is pride"