Lost

[noun123]

Thought I would post in here after realizing this Coping section existed.

 

Little background, bf broke up with me after 2 years. He is mid and I am late 20's. Really mature great relationship. This was out of the blue. We had broken up six months before when he said he didn't know if he saw himself marrying me (I then broke it off in a very knee-jerk manner, I was crushed) he after pursued me to get back together after thinking he had worked out the issues that he thought were keeping him from seeing a future for us. We had been good for the last couple months, both very busy as usual maybe not enough time for each other but that is how we are both happy.

 

So the breakup completely blindsided me and destroyed me. Beyond destroyed. I was so depressed I didn't want to live. I got on some low dose anti-depressants and anixety meds. Im hoping those start to take effect soon.

 

We had no contact which I broke a couple times because I couldn't wrap my head around anything and was really messed up. He talked me through everything and I think that has helped me through the questioning stage of things. But 1.75 months post BU no progress. I am back in denial stage and just so heart broken how he could leave me. How could he not want to see me and hold me. I know he loves me and misses me but he is in such a different place.

 

I think the jealousy is consuming me more than anything. I have everything blocked on social media but my gf and he said that he had been going out lots with these partiers even though he is not a partier. I just imagine and picture all these scenarios and its destroying me. I don't believe its easy for people to move on unless they have something else to fall back on or maybe he is just that strong. He says there are no girls but I feel like if there wasn't he would be contacting me more.

 

I'm just so hurt and can't let him off my mind. He is on my mind 247 and has completely consumed me. I was hoping to have made some progress but Im not letting go at all. Every thought or move I make is for him when I know I should be doing it for me. But I feel like I have no direction or drive to do anything that isn't related to him. Funny how a breakup can bring you down to the mental state of a child. I feel lost and alone.

[15Love]

You're not alone, and now you found this coping board, you're not lost anymore

 

Im sorry you're feeling overwhelmed right now...consider yourself lucky that you were able to talk things through with him. Lots on here don't have that luxury.

 

That said, it still hurts. Post here on the thread for "when you want to contact them" and keep pushing. Lots of people on here have great success going NC and sticking to it.

 

Have you started NC yet?

[noun123]

Thank you. Not necessarily, we had a good talk last week. I was really confused as to how he could let things go so easily and move on so fast, he said he was opposite of all those things so it was really nice to know that. After this conversation he sent a few texts, like 'sleep well tonight!' which I replied to and that was the end of it. After I realized these were breadcrumb messages and thought if he sends one more I'll let him know its best we go no contact. As much as it kills me I highly doubt he will be in contact again anyways.

[Starbright78]

I know NC seems hard but it is truly the best way to move on and give your heart a chance to recover. The breadcrumbs just give hope and with hope still there, the pain will linger longer.

[Ellie35]

You are hurting yourself by staying in contact with this guy. He knows he has you there in the background! You are capable of meeting someone new but not while your friends with this guy. Start by saying I will block him for six months and spend that six months getting fit, meeting new people, trying new things etc. do not respond to breadcrumbs!!! If he wanted you, he would be with you. Actions speak louder than words!!! Always..

[noun123]

Right, i know that deep down we shouldn't talk. It's has been beneficial to hear that he is going through the same thing as me and that he hasn't just forgotten and moved on but now there is nothing left to say.

 

As far as how i am coping, the mornings are still horrific 2months later. Lots of anxiety and I have written and rewritten an email to him explaining everything I want to say. But by afternoon I am better and more focused on work and not letting him completely rule my mind which is definitely a little bit of progress. I am able to hold a conversation and actually smile without the dreaded steel knot in my stomach. I still hold a little bit of hope, I hope that disappears and doesn't devastate me again.

 

I was the lowest of the lowest. I was almost sucicidal and had no hope for anything in life. I started on low dose antidepressants about a month ago so I attribute that to my small spike in being able to cope with everything in case anyone is wondering if its something they should look into.

[Satu]

*I have written and rewritten an email to him explaining everything I want to say.

 

Keeping a journal is incredibly healing and empowering.

 

Write to yourself, and for yourself.

 

I've kept journals for most of my life and here is something that came out of it:

 

When I read what I'd written over a longish period of time, I came to love and respect the person who had done the writing.

I couldn't over state the benefits of journalling.

 

Start today!

 

 

Take care.

[noun123]

I have been somewhat Satu! I just stopped after I realized I was writing the same things over and over. I was hoping to see more progress but maybe that will start changing soon:)