Struggling to cope with breakup

[Dot1]

My relationship recently ended after 5 years. It was the best relationship either of us had ever had and to use her words she would 'never find anyone else as nice or good as me' , the feeling was mutual.

 

We broke up amicably but for various reasons. She felt the love had gone and we had grown apart. This was exacerbated by me moving away for my work where I took an offer to work in a head office for good money 100 miles away. So we separated but on her birthday I sent her some flowers and we re-kindled things for a week. By the end of the week though she realised I had to go back to work away and no contact began.

 

That was just over a month ago and I began to get desperate. I got in contact but she was cold with me because she didn't want to lead me on. I then sent her a letter and asked her to marry me. I'm reading this you will think I have come on strong but I think we have all been there. She turned me down saying the offer was nice but she could not accept.

 

The more I look at it though the more I can see her struggle. I know she loves me, she gets upset at the mention of me and has struggled these past weeks moving on, as have I. knowing her though she is in a bad place, she has no dad, her mum is alone and depressed, she has very sick grandparents and she is 26 and no clue what to do with her life. Coupled with the fact I am the ambitious type who is going up the ladder in my career, we were discussing moving closer to where i work but close enough for her to be close to home she seemingly got herself in a mess. I just wish I could be there for her now during this as I was previously.

 

Knowing all this is killing me. We had a bereavement in my family recently and during that time we had discussed trying for children at the latter part of this year because despite the issues above we were happy. I just believe all this got on top of her.

 

The question is now how long do I leave things? Do I ever have hope of making things right? Any advice is of course welcome

[Kristine]

Is there a way you two can get together and talk? I really think you belong together but she maybe isn't ready to make the changes you need her to make.

 

However my parents met after my dad broke up with a woman who refused to move with him for his career. She would not leave the state of Florida, he met my mom in Nebraska. They lived in the same apartment building, he was heart broken over that girl, but they got to know each other through friends. Dated, married , the rest is history. Btw I was born in Alabama, my brother in Washington, raised in Minnesota when I turned school age. He became vice president of a family owned company my freshman year of colkege, tge position he retired from.

 

If she's not the one God intends for you, don't lose hope, she is out there. But you really at least need closure here.

[aloneinaz]

After reading all of what you wrote, I think your best bet is to move forward and heal from this. You didn't note your age but if she's just 26 and has spent the last 5 years with you, she hasn't ever really been alone and single. Maybe she's realized that she wants move life experience to include dating other people before she gets married. Rarely do relationship that start at 18-22 last long term.

 

 

It was telling that she didn't move w/you and declined your proposal. So, you're best bet is to TRY and leave her alone and move forward. Read the NC thread here as it's the most proven thing to do in getting over an ex.

[Dot1]

Thank you both for your advice, I really appreciate it. She is 26 and I am 25 (6 weeks younger) and we are at different places in our lives. She wants to live life more before 'growing up' (in the nicest possible way I say that) whereas I'm more career focused. I don't see either as wrong or bad but that's the reality.

 

I could chase her more but that will only push her away more. It gets banded about a lot after a break up but I am very sure about her but she needs to find herself before we can grow back together. Whether I have to or when or even if I force that issue in the future I'm not sure but I think for now she needs her time to do her 'thing' and hopefully , hopefully maybe she will return.

 

Just saying that above though does make me feel rather lonely and knowing that in the interim I will have to do things differently.

 

I heard this evening that in work this week (I used to work where she does) she shouted at someone for saying she always goes for '*company name* losers'. Needless to say that is not true as I am the only one from the company she has been with but nevertheless she had a go at him saying 'James is not a loser, he has made a success of himself and just because we aren't togetner doesn't mean things weren't amicable we were just at different places' she then got upset and left the room.

 

While the guy is a loudmouth I never had a liking for it makes me smile a bit she said that as i think it shows she still has feelings otherwise why get angry or even say these things.