Chrisbrown2388 Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 I really need yalls help and support. Here's the back ground. I've known my ex for almost 10 years. We went back and forth dating for years then we both decided to fully be together. For two and half years we were together. I was diagnosed with major depression and anxiety attacks. She was my only friend and only person there for me. I know my depression pushed her away and hurt her. We didn't have perfect relationship. She fought a lot and she wasn't happy. And I was just beginning to cope with my depression. Well then one day she said she was in love with a woman and broke up with me. Wasn't any warning or anything. She said she had been talking to her for months and wants to give it a try. She said she would be back and still going to marry me and have my kids. So for months we went back and forth. One month she would call me and say she loved me. Then the next wouldn't answer text or calls and say she loves her girlfriend. Then for thanksgiving she said she had to spend it with me bc were meant to be together then after that she ignored my calls and text for almost 3 months. So me being dumb I tried to win her back. I flew to her city and showed up at her apartment for Valentine's Day and she and her gf were together. She said I'm glad you came so we finally end this. So I blocked her number started th grieving process. For months I tried to move on. She called every 3 months or so to confuse me. Saying she loved me and what not. Then I met a woman and started to date her and she popped up saying I thought you were waiting on me. So I ended a great relationship to wait for her and again. She was confused and didn't want to be with me. So I changed my #. Blocked her from all social media and for 8 months. I've tried to move on. I've thought about her every single day. Every single hour. And I don't know what to do. I get emails from her. Friend request on Facebook. I don't respond. But last week I was weak. I had been thinking about her constantly. Everything reminds me her and it's been two years since she broke up with me. And I texted her thru the Facebook app. And she said she's been praying for me to contact her. And you know what. All she wanted to do was vent. She didn't apologize for the way she treated me. She blamed me for her going to a woman. She told me if she was going to marry a man it would be me. And she said she wanted her relationship to work out with her gf. So it finally hit me. She's gone. And been gone for years. And now with the back and forth for so long. With me believing all the lies and convincing myself she'd come back. I realize she's finally gone after two years and it feels just as bad as it was two years ago when she said she loved someone else. I feel like an complete idiot wasting years holding on to a woman and a idea that never was and I feel like I'm insane and dumb and worthless. I mean I'm a handsome guy. Pretty women talk to me. I've been on dates with gorgeous women but I feel like nothing bc the one I wanted left me for a chick. My confidence and self worth is all time low again. I shouldn't have hit her up and it's my fault. I just don't know what to do now. Completely lost and sad. Sorry it was long... Link to post Share on other sites
Reels Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 Indeed, it seems like you have lost your track. Are you willing to acknowledge that this person is highly unstable? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisbrown2388 Posted July 14, 2015 Author Share Posted July 14, 2015 Yes I have accepted she's unstable. Link to post Share on other sites
15Love Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 I'm so sorry. That's a rough situation to be in. She's definitly led you on so don't feel too insane. Also, her wanting to be with a girl says very little about you as a man. Even if she blames you...it's not true. If she's craving a woman in THAT way...what could any man do. Hang in there, you are not alone in how you feel years later. I'm only now learning, after 16 years and multiple bouts of NC, how to ride these waves of longing that seem to literally posses us. Staying on the board feels pretty good. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Reels Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 Yes I have accepted she's unstable. Would you share any other realizations that you had? Anyways, what is so great thing about her, that you just never wanted to lose her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisbrown2388 Posted July 14, 2015 Author Share Posted July 14, 2015 I realize she's still not confused. She's bisexual or lesbian. That her gf makes her happy and she's happy. So it's a lil comfort to know that I can't do anything there. I realize she honestly doesn't want me. I know she's not good for me. And would only hurt me and lie to me. Idk I just thought she would come back like she said. She said she still wanted to marry me up until I stopped contact and it's very confusing. She's beautiful and popular. Everyone loves her and wants to be around her. She was my only friend for the longest time and it's hard to let the only person I thought who knew me go. The last time we talked she just keep saying she wanted to be friends again bc I was only person she could talk to and that we were best friends. But I said no bc I wanted to one day be with her. Not just be her friend. She was in a relationship with someone else and I couldn't just be on the side like again. Idk man... Just confusing Link to post Share on other sites
15Love Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 Justifiably so. Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 You gave it a great effort my man. You have NOTHING to feel beat up about or anything else. Sadly, she's clearly demonstrating many concerning un-stable traits. It kind of sounds like she wanted her cake and to eat it too. She had her GF who she was with but wanted to keep you on the back burner as well for the attention and ego boost. I don't think this damaged girl should have any impact on your ego or self esteem. I dated a girl that probably suffered from Borderline Personality Disorder. OMG, was that girl all over the place emotionally and mood wise.. I finally realized post break up that she was the one that was F'd up, not me and moved on to a healthy woman and couldn't be happier. This site is a HUGE proponent of NC of any kind with an ex, especially one who dumped you. If you were able to stay NC since she hooked up with the gal, you'd probably be almost over it. You'd also have better clarity as to how messed up she is. Do yourself a favor. Vanish from this persons life and go met a girl who's emotionally and behaviorally healthy. You depression and anxiety will thank you!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Reels Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 I realize she's still not confused. She's bisexual or lesbian. That her gf makes her happy and she's happy. So it's a lil comfort to know that I can't do anything there. I realize she honestly doesn't want me. I know she's not good for me. And would only hurt me and lie to me. Idk I just thought she would come back like she said. She said she still wanted to marry me up until I stopped contact and it's very confusing. She's beautiful and popular. Everyone loves her and wants to be around her. She was my only friend for the longest time and it's hard to let the only person I thought who knew me go. The last time we talked she just keep saying she wanted to be friends again bc I was only person she could talk to and that we were best friends. But I said no bc I wanted to one day be with her. Not just be her friend. She was in a relationship with someone else and I couldn't just be on the side like again. Idk man... Just confusing Then I am not getting what is keeping her so far from you, if she still considers you to be the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisbrown2388 Posted July 15, 2015 Author Share Posted July 15, 2015 Reels Bc she's only using me and I know it. She hasn't changed in two years. How can I be friends with the woman I want to marry when she's off having a relationship with the person she wants and loves and wants to marry? Forget the fact that she's a lesbian or bisexual. She wants to be with someone else. I can't be friends with someone when I know I want a relationship with them. It's heart breaking every time I talk to her knowing that. Link to post Share on other sites
Reels Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 Reels Bc she's only using me and I know it. She hasn't changed in two years. How can I be friends with the woman I want to marry when she's off having a relationship with the person she wants and loves and wants to marry? Forget the fact that she's a lesbian or bisexual. She wants to be with someone else. I can't be friends with someone when I know I want a relationship with them. It's heart breaking every time I talk to her knowing that. Well, don't cut off, it is not going to help you. All you can do is, try finding someone else, if it works, it is good, if it doesn't then stop there. Just don't force yourself doing something you would never prefer to. Try believing on destiny, we all have some specific destinies, you cannot change the things as per your want just like all of us. From your posts it seems like you are trying to find a solution, which is a good idea, yet you will still have to agree to keep calm and carry on. You cannot live without her presence and you better know that. Link to post Share on other sites
melodyspecial Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 It really is her problem. Ur not the blame, it will hurt cus u loved her put your heart and soul into a person. She probally don't know what she wants and is confused. After u healed find someone stable. U deserve better. Someone who most definitely wants a male and has the same like minded values as u or you to headed in the same direction. Link to post Share on other sites
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