just need some support

[chancey]

broke up with my really close loving girlfriend of two years living together, spending almost every day together, a year ago. We never argued except after breaking up. since I never was broken up before from someone I loved, then I completely freaked out, didn't know how I should act. Didn't know how attraction works, etc. So I just acted completely beta chasing and making the whole at first little situation completely worse, it just downspiraled she completely breaking up with me and admitting she likes our mutual friend who she had been hanging out a lot lately etc. I was devastated. I pulled my **** together after a while and tried to distance myself from her, but after a month she tried to touch base and "sort of" came back to me, after she told me again "no" that she liked the other dude. I did **** up many times after not acting alfta, but I still had feelings for her and I couldn't handle it wisely. She "came back" 3-4 times more, instantly pulling away just after. We even spent a few dates and nights together. After that she (I guess) finally decided to go for another dude completely, she had that buffer time when she was not over me for 4-5 months I guess and needed me for safety net or something. I guess I could have ha a chance to win her back if I had played my cards completely right but I was emotionally not in a place to do that. and now they live together in another country.

 

It's been a year now. I have dated other girls. Slept with some of them. Nothing too serious or lasting as I'm still emotionally unavailable because of all this mess and baggage that I claimed from it. Self esteem took a hit, got trust issues now etc. I went to the apartment yesterday we used to live together as her sister lives there now with her boyfriend. who is a friend of mine and they actually met at my place and because of me after we had broken up with my ex. I was close to my ex family, so I still hanged out with her sister a bit. Not any more lately, but since my friend is dating her now and live together, then I do see her sister still.

 

I just feel so utterly replaced. Replaced from my love with a dude I knew, replaces from my home, replaced from that family, replaces from my friends. I know it's just my irrational feeling and no one cares or understands it. I have no one to talk about it. As I should be over it a long ago already. It's been a bloody year. But going to that apartment teared the wounds back up a bit. was probably a mistake to go. I felt okay but after coming home from there, I felt pretty ****ty.

 

I know nothing from that life exists any more. She is a different person now, living abroad with another dude, in our home there live new people now etc. It's just so ****ed up, that it's so close circle. She is coming back now for a few months at least. Not looking forward to see them together again.

Edited July 7, 2015 by chancey

[kasop]

Then dont see them together. Dont go back to that apartment either. I know they are your friends but you have to come first. over anyone. You let this girl take full control of you and now u need to take your life back as your own. Alot of people lose themselves in toxic relationships it happens. Go full n/c and post here as much as you need too. Let the healing begin.

[chancey]

I probably won't go back to that apartment.

 

But I know I will end up seeing them somewhere together. As our social circle is similar and I don't want to isolate myself and not going to the events I like to go otherwise.

[tobrieornottobrie]

I'm sorry you're having to go through this tough situation, that's really hard. Have you taken any time to take care of yourself as you are navigating through the midst of all of this? Are you focusing on your career or hobbies you enjoy? Would you perhaps consider seeing a counselor? Maybe having a professional to talk to would be helpful? Just something to think about. Hang in there, friend. I hope it gets better for you!

 

 

 

 

 

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