Why is this happening?

[HBK3317]

Hello everyone,

 

It's been 9 months now and I still can't forget her. I want to move on and just let go and get on with my life but I don't know why I can't make it happen. I still yearn for her to be with me. The inner me knows that it's all over and nothing good is going to coming out of thinking about her but still I end up with her thoughts clouding my mind. Is there a way to remove these memories of hers completely from my brain?

 

I don't know why I went ahead and made her the most important person in my life. I shouldn't have. I don't want anything to do with her. God I am so messed up because of all this I can't think straight. I want to forget her. How much more time!? Please help

[Reels]

It has been about 3 years for me, and I am also on same thing.

 

Well, it would never change. Can you answer if she was your first love? Maybe I can share one or two helpful thoughts.

[Satu]

Hello everyone,

 

It's been 9 months now and I still can't forget her. I want to move on and just let go and get on with my life but I don't know why I can't make it happen. I still yearn for her to be with me. The inner me knows that it's all over and nothing good is going to coming out of thinking about her but still I end up with her thoughts clouding my mind. Is there a way to remove these memories of hers completely from my brain?

 

I don't know why I went ahead and made her the most important person in my life. I shouldn't have. I don't want anything to do with her. God I am so messed up because of all this I can't think straight. I want to forget her. How much more time!? Please help

 

9 months isn't such a long time.

 

It took me much longer to heal, but I did heal, and I'm happier now than I ever have been.

 

You'll get there in your own time.

[darkbloom]

I wrote out post it notes wirh LHG on them all over my house and work. Everytime I would start thinking about him I would deep breathe and say Let Him Go over and over. It helps to not relive the memories. It's only been 6 months for me so I don't know when I will be done healing.

[HBK3317]

It has been about 3 years for me, and I am also on same thing.

 

Well, it would never change. Can you answer if she was your first love? Maybe I can share one or two helpful thoughts.

 

Nope. She wasn't my first but she was the one I was absolutely 100% sure I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. We had so much in common and I just loved being with her. Granted we had fights and arguments but I had completely invested in the idea of her being the mother of my children and we growing old together.

 

Then reality came crashing down and now nine months into this debacle I have no idea of how to overcome this. Moreover the breakup happened as soon I exited from college (She was still there as she was a junior) so I had no support system in terms of my friends who would have pulled me out of this predicament. Family as a support system is not a option.

 

Please show me some light, some hope, something. I want to erase every memory of her from my system. It kills me little by little everyday to think about her being with someone else, sharing all those things we shared, laughing, having fun.

 

I have no idea what to do next. Help me.

[xinaxxsdertf]

im in the same boat as ya mate. im about 7 months out. Just when i thought I was finding happiness again, these last few weeks have been the best weeks of my life since the break up.. Then the dreams started up again.

 

I have dreams that I get to see my ex again and we clash well then both want to get back together. And then I wake up and realize it was all in my head and I just want to cry because it felt so good seeing her again (even though it wasnt real).

 

Im not sure about you, but i believe I will never fully lose this love for my ex until I find a new girlfriend that makes me feel the way she did. Sad thing is, im not ready for a relationship now and dont think I will be for a long time.

 

They do say that to get over that last hurdle, she needs to be replaced with someone else. But only when you are ready. Ive adopted this mindset lately that everything happens for a reason. I lost the love of my life whom i planned my future around, so i could use this time to rediscover myself. And now you are able to set your standards really high and fix the mistakes you made in this relationship.

[HBK3317]

im in the same boat as ya mate. im about 7 months out. Just when i thought I was finding happiness again, these last few weeks have been the best weeks of my life since the break up.. Then the dreams started up again.

 

I have dreams that I get to see my ex again and we clash well then both want to get back together. And then I wake up and realize it was all in my head and I just want to cry because it felt so good seeing her again (even though it wasnt real).

 

Im not sure about you, but i believe I will never fully lose this love for my ex until I find a new girlfriend that makes me feel the way she did. Sad thing is, im not ready for a relationship now and dont think I will be for a long time.

 

They do say that to get over that last hurdle, she needs to be replaced with someone else. But only when you are ready. Ive adopted this mindset lately that everything happens for a reason. I lost the love of my life whom i planned my future around, so i could use this time to rediscover myself. And now you are able to set your standards really high and fix the mistakes you made in this relationship.

 

I can fully relate to you mate. The dreams are the worse part of this predicament. It feels as if she's with me again only to wake up in a reality full of loneliness.

 

Like you I also feel that I will only get over this when I get into a new relationship but the problem is I don't want any other relationship ever again. I feel I can't do justice to it because I wont ever feel the same way for anyone ever again. I hope I am making sense. Her leaving me has scarred me emotionally.

 

This sucks so bad I wont wish this upon my worst enemy.

[aloneinaz]

I have to comment to the OP and the others here that are choosing to stay "stuck" in the mindset of "I'll never find anyone better"..

 

 

If the ex was so perfect for you, you'd still be together. You can't blame yourself for it not working, it takes two to tango and we all know relationships simply don't work out sometimes.

 

 

Ask yourself if what you're currently doing is helping you move on to happiness in your life? Staying home, not dating and giving all the power to one person who's not in your life anymore isn't healthy. Most people dust themselves off, say "that sucked" and start dating a few months post break up.

 

 

OP, you have to push yourself out of your comfort zone. Face the fear you have about risking another relationship. Face the fear of potential rejection while you dating. There's no reason you have to continue to stay home month after month thinking about someone who doesn't want you in their life.

[ballycastle]

I have to comment to the OP and the others here that are choosing to stay "stuck" in the mindset of "I'll never find anyone better"..

 

Staying home, not dating and giving all the power to one person who's not in your life anymore isn't healthy. Most people dust themselves off, say "that sucked" and start dating a few months post break up.

 

There's no reason you have to continue to stay home month after month thinking about someone who doesn't want you in their life.

 

I think there is. Saying that 'most people dust themselves off' puts pressure on those who are struggling to move on to do just that. It also sends the message that 'relationships are the only thing you need to make you WHOLE.'

 

 

Not the case. How about rather than rushing to date someone else to find themselves again. Do something that makes them happy?

 

 

In all the advice I've seen when dating is when the person you have met tells you they are fresh out of a relationship ie/ a matter of months that is a huge RED FLAG, as they probably are not emotionally available to commit to you.

 

 

Why would you want further heartache in your life? This happened to me, a 3 month relationship with someone convinced they were over a long term ex and they weren't. The pain of it crippled all confidence of future relationships and 2 years later I have still not recovered.

 

 

I wouldn't recommend that for anyone.

[Jonp219]

I think there is. Saying that 'most people dust themselves off' puts pressure on those who are struggling to move on to do just that. It also sends the message that 'relationships are the only thing you need to make you WHOLE.'

 

 

Not the case. How about rather than rushing to date someone else to find themselves again. Do something that makes them happy?

 

 

In all the advice I've seen when dating is when the person you have met tells you they are fresh out of a relationship ie/ a matter of months that is a huge RED FLAG, as they probably are not emotionally available to commit to you.

 

 

Why would you want further heartache in your life? This happened to me, a 3 month relationship with someone convinced they were over a long term ex and they weren't. The pain of it crippled all confidence of future relationships and 2 years later I have still not recovered.

 

 

I wouldn't recommend that for anyone.

 

That's true. And OP should do something that makes him happy to help him cope with the pain. However he should also try to put himself out there to see that the girl he was with wasn't so unique. He needs to see it for himself or else he's going to keep beating himself up for the break-up. And yes, that means going on some dates and what not.

[Reels]

Nope. She wasn't my first but she was the one I was absolutely 100% sure I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. We had so much in common and I just loved being with her. Granted we had fights and arguments but I had completely invested in the idea of her being the mother of my children and we growing old together.

 

Then reality came crashing down and now nine months into this debacle I have no idea of how to overcome this. Moreover the breakup happened as soon I exited from college (She was still there as she was a junior) so I had no support system in terms of my friends who would have pulled me out of this predicament. Family as a support system is not a option.

 

Please show me some light, some hope, something. I want to erase every memory of her from my system. It kills me little by little everyday to think about her being with someone else, sharing all those things we shared, laughing, having fun.

 

I have no idea what to do next. Help me.

Then you should probably consider that this is a normal attitude. Don't bother much, consider that you may meet her someday again. Keep your attitude neutral.