Sharpie77 Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 If you've been around enough - you've probably seen my story posted elsewhere. My wife and I are splitting up. Together 12 years - married nearly nine - two small children (3 and 5.5). We lost our first child - our daughter - at birth in 2008. I guess you could say we were two good people who suffered a bad loss and then gradually lost one another. I really think a lot of the changes that drove us apart stem from our loss as it was so emotionally devastating. My wife initiated the split. We should get final papers to review either today or tomorrow. We then sign - she takes them back to lawyer and the lawyer asks for a date with the court commissioner to make it official. This has been the hardest four months of my life. I've used the time constructively - I've worked hard on myself - gotten in shape - worked to find the guy I used to be before the loss of our daughter. We've had an "interesting" living arrangement since she announced she wanted out. We're still in the house together. We shared the bed for a month - then I spent about three weeks on the couch - but for the past month we've been back in the bed together - though we divide it with a body pillow so we each have our half. We had discussed "nesting" which would have meant the kids stayed in the house 24-7 and when it was not our night with the kids we'd "leave" for the night. This never happened because she never found anywhere to stay. I feel good about myself and my future (though yes - it is scary) but I'm so sad. I guess I've gotten to the point where I've accepted that this chapter is over - but that doesn't make it easier. There are so many memories. We experienced the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. I loved that woman so much. If I'm honest with myself I still love her. I never thought this would be us and even when it was - I always thought I'd find my way back into her heart. I just miss her so much. I miss my friend. On one hand it's been nice that we've been able to spend this end of our relationship together - because for the most part it's been okay. There was some early tension and anger - but we learned to get along again and to enjoy one another's company. On the other hand it has made it hard to move on because I'm not living with the separation, yet. I'll go home tonight and it will be the four of us. I'll mow the lawn - maybe help her make dinner. We'll eat as a family. One of us will give the kids a bath while the other does dishes. She'll then put my daughter to bed and I'll put my son to bed and then the two of us will hang out together in the living room until one (or both) of us gets tired and we crawl into bed. There is comfort in that - but it's also torture because I know it's not going to last and it's also a reminder of what we had. At the end of the day I miss her. I miss the girl who I used to have so many adventures with. The girl who always made me laugh and who was always there for me. I'm sad for the loss of a relationship I thought would last forever. We were so good together for so long. It's so hard to say goodbye and yes - I know we will be forever linked through the kids - but it will be different. We might both go and watch our son play baseball - but at the end of the game she'll go to one house and I'll go to another. I know it will get better. I know the sun will shine brightly again and I will enjoy life again - but this period - right here and right now - it's just brutal and painful and sad. Link to post Share on other sites
angelcake Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 It sounds as if neither of you is ready to say goodbye. Are you both sure that a divorce is what you want? You both sound emotionally mature and stable. If you aren't ready to say goodbye...have you at least discussed this with your wife? She sounds lost; thinking maybe a lifestyle change may help her pain. I would at least dig into why she wants this divorce and let her know it wasn't what I wanted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sharpie77 Posted June 27, 2015 Author Share Posted June 27, 2015 We've had that talk many times. She knows I don't want it. I think I know why she initiated it - what is tough is she took me to the wall and instead of taking pause to see what might happen she immediately started proceedings. We have had periods where we both seemed to connect again - but then she would pull back from me and push forward again. She claims to have a lot of guilt - guilt over the fact that she doesn't want to stop what is going on even though she knows it's hurting me and will hurt the kids. She claims she is sad. She has expressed self doubt at times - but she keeps coming back to the same path. I don't understand why none of my positive actions have resulted in any positive reactions on her part. She acknowledges that I have changed for the better. She just says I deserve someone who can love me as much as I love them. It's just so sad - we were so good for so long. The problems we faced - I think they were fixable. I guess she just sees the great unknown as exciting - exciting enough that she is willing to say goodbye to what she had and it makes me so, so sad. I'd do almost anything to get another chance with her. ? Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 I am so sorry for you, I feel your pain trough your text. Sometimes history has become too heavy to bear each-other. Link to post Share on other sites
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