fireflywy Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 (edited) Finally, for the first time since the beginning of February, I saw my ex and she's still with the guy, three months later, whom she "rebounded" with. (I guess he's not really a rebound Lol). I did better then I expected, I pretended I didn't see her and I'm sure she may have done the same to me. Not one word was said and we never even came closer then 40 ft to each other. It DOES hurt. I wont lie. Not all the way back to day one of course, but enough to slowly put a damper on my night as a slow battery drain knowing she was in the crowd. Coming home, it brought up all of my doubts fears, other things I'm facing and concerned about, and insecurities, which isn't pleasant but that is already subsiding as I write this. In many ways, I'm still angry. I only ever wanted her to have some sort of feeling for me, and for once, some validation that I meant something to her. Of course, since she's still with the permanent rebound lol, my hopes of maybe her silently missing me and who I am and how I treated her vs who HE is are like torpeodos missing the exhaust port on the Death Star and merely impacting on the surface. My only true and desired proverbial "revenge" was to have her look back someday and say "Out of all the guys I was with, Fireflywy treated me the best. Why did i let him go?" but that clearly will never happen as I've gotten zero all these months and she's still with her new guy she met two weeks after our 1.5 year relationship. Yeah, its depressing. *sigh* However, the postive news is that while it sucks right now, I faced Vader in the cave (I like scifi and stories and anecdotes) and didn't run which will make subsequent encounters easier. So for all of you dreading that moment like I was, even though I visualized it constantly, know that you will be OKAY. However, if you ask me what you'll find in the encounter, the answer is "only what you take with you." So if you go in it with confidence, no expectations from them, aware that it will sting, and vizualize how you'll handle it, you'll be okay. Of course, I would have been better off not taking all the stuff above in with me Lol LIFE GOES ON. Edited May 30, 2015 by fireflywy Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 Friendship, loving people, is about exchange. Exchanging niceties, exchanging ideas, exchanging personal information, exchanging time, exchanging bodily fluids, exchanging sacredness. Your exchange had certain dimensions. It started as one thing and inevitably expanded out into something else. You can't help that. It's who you are. She couldn't handle it. Her value of it reached its limit. It was too much for her or too little. She surveyed its dimensions and thinking that it was only what she saw, decided that it was not for her. She needed something else. Something which moved differently, more rapidly or more slowly, more kindly or more aggressively, more absently or more totally. At the same time she is grappling with what energy best suits her, her energy is changing. Its widening, refining itself. Through your impact on her, that matter has changed. We all change each other. We may not be insightful enough to perceive and properly attribute these changes, but they are there, working. They will harden into something that will be a part of that person's permanent landscape. And they have no value. They are what they are. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 In many ways, I'm still angry. I only ever wanted her to have some sort of feeling for me, and for once, some validation that I meant something to her. Of course, since she's still with the permanent rebound lol, my hopes of maybe her silently missing me and who I am and how I treated her vs who HE is are like torpeodos missing the exhaust port on the Death Star and merely impacting on the surface. My only true and desired proverbial "revenge" was to have her look back someday and say "Out of all the guys I was with, Fireflywy treated me the best. Why did i let him go?" but that clearly will never happen as I've gotten zero all these months and she's still with her new guy she met two weeks after our 1.5 year relationship. You don't actually think you meant absolutely nothing to her, do you? That's usually the sort of reasoning/feeling employed by first-dump teenagers. She can be with another guy and still have feelings for you. Maybe not love, but regret, guilt, sorrow, happiness (memories), etc. In fact it's very likely she does. Thinking you'll be her #1 on her deathbed is unrealistic, but you don't really need that do you? Best to just be a chapter in her reflections. (Save the sympathy for the unfortunate souls who don't actually get that.) Link to post Share on other sites
Author fireflywy Posted May 30, 2015 Author Share Posted May 30, 2015 You don't actually think you meant absolutely nothing to her, do you? That's usually the sort of reasoning/feeling employed by first-dump teenagers. She can be with another guy and still have feelings for you. Maybe not love, but regret, guilt, sorrow, happiness (memories), etc. In fact it's very likely she does. Thinking you'll be her #1 on her deathbed is unrealistic, but you don't really need that do you? Best to just be a chapter in her reflections. (Save the sympathy for the unfortunate souls who don't actually get that.) You should read my story on my stream of conciousness thread. I don't think ill be number one on her deathbed, not that silly but the fact that I was so quickly turned over, hints that I wasn't too highly placed on her priorities. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 Ahhh -- the cave scene! And so, like Luke, you faced your fear.... you conquered your imagined foe.... only to realize the true enemy all along lay within. (At least, I think that's what that scene meant?) Anyhow -- well played! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author fireflywy Posted May 30, 2015 Author Share Posted May 30, 2015 Ahhh -- the cave scene! And so, like Luke, you faced your fear.... you conquered your imagined foe.... only to realize the true enemy all along lay within. (At least, I think that's what that scene meant?) Anyhow -- well played! Can't say I conquered my foe as it stings today more then it has for a while, but everything else is true regarding the within. I just wish I had less of the "within" or at least more time to wrestle with it before seeing her. Oh well. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 I think, in this case, the "foe" was not your ex.... but rather your fear/dread of seeing her again. So you faced it -- it's done. You survived. I think you handled it perfectly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author fireflywy Posted May 30, 2015 Author Share Posted May 30, 2015 I think, in this case, the "foe" was not your ex.... but rather your fear/dread of seeing her again. So you faced it -- it's done. You survived. I think you handled it perfectly. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmyjackson Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 May the force be with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Twigyy Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 5 months after my break up and I still see my ex twice a week in my tutorials.. and yeah, same as my case, she's probably still with her new guy she met two weeks after our 1.5 year relationship, haven't checked for the past months, and never will. I wish I could get out of this hell... Link to post Share on other sites
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