sunshine0274 Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 I am not sure if this is the right thread to post on, but I could use a little advice. My BF cheated on me. Had an affair with a married ex-GF of his that went on for a few months and was devastating to me. We have a small daughter and for that period of time, while he was having his jollies with this other woman, he was a real jerk to me and my daughter. Long story short, this woman turned out to be not what he wanted after all and he came back to us, trying to make our family work. I bought what he was saying- that he messed up, that he saw things in a different light once he stood back, that he ended things with her, wants nothing to do with her, etc. and after much soul-searching, I wanted to give it another shot. For us, for our daughter, etc. Well...I found out 2 months ago, rather quickly after we re-kindled, that I was pregnant. We were both so incredibly happy and he was so thrilled and supportive, and loving and caring. Honestly, I felt it was a bit soon, but things happen. He was more excited about the baby than me at first. Sadly, I went in for my first ultrasound and there was no heartbeat. I had a miscarriage and started bleeding so badly that I had to have emergency surgery. My BF is in the military and is deployed right now, so I am going through this alone. After this has happened, I feel like less of a woman. I feel like a failure even though I did nothing wrong and it just wasn't meant to be. I also feel like because of this insecurity, I am more clingy than ever with my BF. I feel the need to write him every day and update him on every little detail. And because of this insecurity I now have, I find myself reliving his affair and reliving everything that came with it and comparing myself to her. She is about 10 years younger than me and has 2 kids. I remember reading an e-mail he wrote to a friend while he was having the affair about how young this other girl looked and how he wants another baby and having one with her would be great because she is still in great shape, etc. I am no slouch by any means and I bounced right back after our daughter. But, I am 36 and this loss made me realize I am no spring chicken. I keep telling myself that I am not damaged goods and that miscarriages happen, but my hormones are so whacky that I just feel horrible and feel like I am no good. I felt that way when he cheated too. Who wouldn't? I also keep telling myself that he had a choice. This woman wanted him and wanted to leave her marriage for him. I let him go. he didn't have to come back, he wanted to because he wanted me, not her. I just don't know what to do to cope with feeling like a loser. I was on cloud 9 with what I thought was a healthy baby and this loss hit me like a ton of bricks. Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 I just don't know what to do to cope with feeling like a loser. how you cope? you remove yourself from a toxic person & a toxic relationship -- dump this dude. you deserve better + you CAN do better. trust me, there are so many better man than this one you have right now... it's not even hard to be better than your dude, so there is that. next step - therapy. if you can afford it, that would be great. if not - do something for you every single day. write down things you love about you on a piece of paper, like a list -- read it every day. self-love is something we LEARN how to do, we learn how to accept ourselves. miscarriages happen, sweetheart. it's not your fault. you're not damaged goods. the only damaged goods in this story is your boyfriend. pick a better man for the father of your child. Link to post Share on other sites
brokengirl85 Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 He cheated on you!! He made you feel like a loser!! Told him to go to hell and continue with your life. You don't need liars to make you feel validated!! Link to post Share on other sites
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