not wanting to interact with people

[ephemeralme]

I live quite remotely;

we were each other's best friends and did things together on the weekends..

while I have a few good friends, we don't go do things together

 

 

we connect at work, chat on FB a bit ...but overall; my life has been about

our relationship, family, and work.

 

 

I have NO interest in doing things with other people ( ie meetup) ...

don't have any desire to make new friends right now or put on a fake happy face and attitude.

 

 

basically, as much as I don't want to be alone and miss him and sharing with him... also prefer to be alone now too.

 

 

or with family .... work is okay too...

 

 

does this happen? does it go away? I don't want to become an isolated, bitter, angry, hurt, depressed lonely woman....

 

 

but I am so not ready to be OUT there either.

 

 

It also, kills me everytime I see couples holding hands, older couples supporting each other... people in general.... with each other...

I often think and believe..they all have issues, they all have problems, they all have had to go through difficulties, BUT they have each other and support each other and are committed to each other.

unlike my ex who walked away....

 

 

has anyone experienced this, been through this? thoughts?

[Satu]

When I went through my horrible breakup, I went into seclusion and didn't really interact with people for a year and a half.

 

I am so glad that I did. I found myself, and I discovered what loving myself in a healthy way meant.

[BC1980]

I think this is all normal. I went through a time where I didn't want to be around other people and wanted to isolate myself. I felt that I couldn't share in fun times because I was so miserable. It's almost like it makes you feel worse to see other people happy because it highlights how unhappy you are. The entire experience can be very isolating emotionally because you feel that other people can't relate to where you are at the moment. I remember my mom taking me on a trip to try to cheer me up, and I had a miserable time. Normally, I would have been thrilled to have someone pay for me to go on a vacation, but I was unhappy the entire time. I put on a good face for her, but, inside, I wanted to be anywhere but there.

 

I forced myself to do things with other people in the beginning. I would make myself go out after work with my friends when they asked. I would make sure I set up lunch dates with my girlfriends even when I didn't want to. I made myself start volunteering once a month at the same place even when I didn't want to at times. I eventually got back to normal, and the world fell back into alignment.

 

I'd also recommend seeking out friends that you can confide in about your feelings. I had two really good friends who had been through similar experiences and were willing to simply listen when I needed to talk. I had one friend that would meet me for lunch about once a month, and she would just listen to me talk about my struggles. She would offer advice and tell me about the time she felt the same way. She was invaluable to my recovery because she represented hope that I could move on and feel "normal" again. Having someone you can confide in on a deeper level makes you feel human again.

 

But I can only say that what you feel is normal. You are still adjusting to LIFE AFTER what happened. For a long time, it seemed like I measured everything in terms or BEFORE and AFTER the big breakup. But as time goes on, you are just living life, and the entire experience becomes a part of your history and seems like a bump in the road.

[ephemeralme]

When I went through my horrible breakup, I went into seclusion and didn't really interact with people for a year and a half.

 

I am so glad that I did. I found myself, and I discovered what loving myself in a healthy way meant.

 

Satu;

thank you for sharing that...

you are a most compassionate person!

I actually read that, and walked away with a tear.

 

 

there is so much pain in the being of human...

your words give me some hope to come to a place such as you have.

 

 

so, I will continue to do what I have begun doing--walking the trails and the mountains on my own.

( we did this together and it was emotionally painful to get back out there and I am trying to avoid the places we went together) but have found comfort on my own out there in the new places .

 

 

thank you for your ongoing support to everyone here struggling .. thank you

[ephemeralme]

I think this is all normal. I went through a time where I didn't want to be around other people and wanted to isolate myself. I felt that I couldn't share in fun times because I was so miserable. It's almost like it makes you feel worse to see other people happy because it highlights how unhappy you are. The entire experience can be very isolating emotionally because you feel that other people can't relate to where you are at the moment. I remember my mom taking me on a trip to try to cheer me up, and I had a miserable time. Normally, I would have been thrilled to have someone pay for me to go on a vacation, but I was unhappy the entire time. I put on a good face for her, but, inside, I wanted to be anywhere but there.

 

I forced myself to do things with other people in the beginning. I would make myself go out after work with my friends when they asked. I would make sure I set up lunch dates with my girlfriends even when I didn't want to. I made myself start volunteering once a month at the same place even when I didn't want to at times. I eventually got back to normal, and the world fell back into alignment.

 

I'd also recommend seeking out friends that you can confide in about your feelings. I had two really good friends who had been through similar experiences and were willing to simply listen when I needed to talk. I had one friend that would meet me for lunch about once a month, and she would just listen to me talk about my struggles. She would offer advice and tell me about the time she felt the same way. She was invaluable to my recovery because she represented hope that I could move on and feel "normal" again. Having someone you can confide in on a deeper level makes you feel human again.

 

But I can only say that what you feel is normal. You are still adjusting to LIFE AFTER what happened. For a long time, it seemed like I measured everything in terms or BEFORE and AFTER the big breakup. But as time goes on, you are just living life, and the entire experience becomes a part of your history and seems like a bump in the road.

 

aww, BC1980... thank you.

thank you for at least helping me find some sense of normalcy in this place that feels so strange and hopeless.

 

 

I guess you reinforce something called listening to what your body tells you... don't take vacations, don't do things just because..

but listen to yourself and allow the time you need.

 

 

I do talk with some friends.... try not to burden them too much...

thankfully there is a wonderful therapist to work with ...that is truly a treasure .

 

 

I am trying to find little things to plan on... nothing big, no big commitments..

unfortunately.... some of my dearest friends don't live near me anymore

so... that isn't as easy to spend time with them.

alas, my dear-sweet dogs are some of my best friends ... my boys.

 

 

 

"But I can only say that what you feel is normal. You are still adjusting to LIFE AFTER what happened. For a long time, it seemed like I measured everything in terms or BEFORE and AFTER the big breakup. But as time goes on, you are just living life, and the entire experience becomes a part of your history and seems like a bump in the road"

 

 

THIS ^^^ .... yes, it is ALL before the BU and after the BU...it is all with him and now without him ...it is all.... so much about my life with him and now without him.

it is an adjustment.... giant one. ....

 

 

thank you for sharing your experience and sending SOS words out ...

so much appreciate it.

 

 

this one feels like a mountain in the road.... sigh.

 

 

a huge part of my life to become history. and a future I believed would be.. now; gone.

[BC1980]

yes, it is ALL before the BU and after the BU...it is all with him and now without him ...it is all.... so much about my life with him and now without him.

it is an adjustment.... giant one. ....

 

It's only been recently that I don't measure time and BEFORE and AFTER the breakup. In the beginning, it felt like that was the only way I could measure time. I think that the breakup was just so relevant at that point, and I had been measuring time with him in mind for several years. My foreseeable future was with him, so I was in the mindset of making plans together. As times goes on, the person becomes less relevant. With that, your experiences with the person become less relevant to the overall picture of your life. It just happened gradually for me as I made new memories.

 

Now, it's more like the entire experience (relationship and breakup) is on a linear map of my life. It's not so significant anymore, but I really think it's just time. As times goes on, you make more memories and have more experiences. There's no easy way around it, but just know that you will move on from it at some point.

[BC1980]

aww, BC1980... thank you.

thank you for at least helping me find some sense of normalcy in this place that feels so strange and hopeless.

 

I remember feeling very disoriented for months. I would wake up in the morning and just feel lost. I felt like my purpose in life was gone. I was really strict with keeping to a schedule at that time. I didn't sleep in a lot, made myself go to the gym on off days, and work helped to keep me on a schedule as well. Your emotions are resetting right now. Everything you had banked on is now null and void, but your emotions don't comprehend that yet. You kind of have to drag yourself, kicking and screaming if necessary, into your new future.

 

That future that seemed so rosy now seems scary and uncertain. I remember breaking down in the grocery store parking lot one day because I was worried that I had spent too much money on groceries. I was new to this single income thing, and I was trying to budget my money in a different way. I broke down because I bought two boxes of granola bars instead of one. Darn near had an anxiety attack if you can even imagine Of course, it wasn't really about the granola bars. It was about change, and, in that moment, the granola bars represented that for me. My ex made a comfortable living, and I had never needed to budget my groceries like that. Anyway, that situation gives me a good laugh now. I just smile and realize that it all turned out okay.

[ephemeralme]

It's only been recently that I don't measure time and BEFORE and AFTER the breakup. In the beginning, it felt like that was the only way I could measure time. I think that the breakup was just so relevant at that point, and I had been measuring time with him in mind for several years. My foreseeable future was with him, so I was in the mindset of making plans together. As times goes on, the person becomes less relevant. With that, your experiences with the person become less relevant to the overall picture of your life. It just happened gradually for me as I made new memories.

 

Now, it's more like the entire experience (relationship and breakup) is on a linear map of my life. It's not so significant anymore, but I really think it's just time. As times goes on, you make more memories and have more experiences. There's no easy way around it, but just know that you will move on from it at some point.

 

 

Hi BC1980..

if I may ask, how long has it been since the before and after for you?

but, yes.. the mindset was longterm...

lifelong; growing old together.

I think that is why when I see older couples; still holding hands, supporting each other--- I just rips my heart out...

while it is sweet to see that---it leaves me hurt and angry that he couldn't hold to his commitment. We were engaged ( and we are both previously divorced with young adult kids) so not new to relationships and challenges..

 

 

seems everything is * we could be doing this or that together* these days ... *this is what you are missing* and * a lot of talking to myself about all of that.

 

 

 

strange thing for me is this ... almost sad-anxiety of time passing, forgetting how he sounds, feels, what his presence meant to me and it all just becoming a memory.... it hurts just to think of him as a memory only to be.

[ephemeralme]

I remember feeling very disoriented for months. I would wake up in the morning and just feel lost. I felt like my purpose in life was gone. I was really strict with keeping to a schedule at that time. I didn't sleep in a lot, made myself go to the gym on off days, and work helped to keep me on a schedule as well. Your emotions are resetting right now. Everything you had banked on is now null and void, but your emotions don't comprehend that yet. You kind of have to drag yourself, kicking and screaming if necessary, into your new future.

 

That future that seemed so rosy now seems scary and uncertain. I remember breaking down in the grocery store parking lot one day because I was worried that I had spent too much money on groceries. I was new to this single income thing, and I was trying to budget my money in a different way. I broke down because I bought two boxes of granola bars instead of one. Darn near had an anxiety attack if you can even imagine Of course, it wasn't really about the granola bars. It was about change, and, in that moment, the granola bars represented that for me. My ex made a comfortable living, and I had never needed to budget my groceries like that. Anyway, that situation gives me a good laugh now. I just smile and realize that it all turned out okay.

 

 

 

I teared up reading that.... so sorry that it hurt you so

 

 

there are certain things that do trigger a downpour of emotion for me...

and I never know what it will be from day to day.

 

 

the last one was just horrible..... I heard one of the most beautiful songs that I actually sent him once..

Peter Gabriel singing the book of love....

 

 

I was at work--had some music on to distract me...

and literally just balled my eyes out .....

 

 

If I knew where to send--I would send you a case of granola bars...

 

 

dam* this transition..... I hate it, I absolutely hate it and it truly really hurts.

 

 

thanks for sharing BC... really appreciate your sharing and caring.

[BC1980]

Hi BC1980..

if I may ask, how long has it been since the before and after for you?

but, yes.. the mindset was longterm...

lifelong; growing old together.

I think that is why when I see older couples; still holding hands, supporting each other--- I just rips my heart out...

while it is sweet to see that---it leaves me hurt and angry that he couldn't hold to his commitment. We were engaged ( and we are both previously divorced with young adult kids) so not new to relationships and challenges..

 

 

seems everything is * we could be doing this or that together* these days ... *this is what you are missing* and * a lot of talking to myself about all of that.

 

 

 

strange thing for me is this ... almost sad-anxiety of time passing, forgetting how he sounds, feels, what his presence meant to me and it all just becoming a memory.... it hurts just to think of him as a memory only to be.

 

We broke up in April 2013, but we kept talking (off and on) until Dec. 2013. So I've been NC for 17 months. I didn't really start the grieving process until after I went NC. I used to feel a pang of sadness when I saw couples, but I don't feel that anymore. It goes away over time. I honestly believe that there is someone else out there who could love and support me for who I am. Someone who wouldn't let me down and betray me in the way I feel my ex did.

 

I saw the future with my ex, and he paid a lot of lip service to that idea. He put those ideas in my head on a daily basis. He bought me an engagement ring but then didn't give it to me. He said he wasn't ready yet. So it became a sick, abusive game on his part. He actually just got married to someone else, and I looked at some of his wedding pics on FB. I didn't feel a thing. He just looked like some guy I used to know. I never thought I would see the day that I could say that, but it happened. I guess looking at the pics means I broke NC, but I honestly don't even think of it as NC anymore. I'm just living life right now, free and unburdened by him.

 

I completely relate to the anger of your ex not holding up his end with the commitment. I dealt with a lot of anger over him not fulfilling what he promised me. In the end, even though I was glad to be rid of him, I was still angry that he had betrayed me that way. He promised me something, but he never came through. It seemed like the principle of the thing. You'll probably feel angry for awhile over that idea that you were cheated out of something.

[ephemeralme]

We broke up in April 2013, but we kept talking (off and on) until Dec. 2013. So I've been NC for 17 months. I didn't really start the grieving process until after I went NC. I used to feel a pang of sadness when I saw couples, but I don't feel that anymore. It goes away over time. I honestly believe that there is someone else out there who could love and support me for who I am. Someone who wouldn't let me down and betray me in the way I feel my ex did.

 

 

what kept you talking? how did it finally go to NC?

don't let go of that belief...

 

I saw the future with my ex, and he paid a lot of lip service to that idea. He put those ideas in my head on a daily basis. He bought me an engagement ring but then didn't give it to me. He said he wasn't ready yet. So it became a sick, abusive game on his part. He actually just got married to someone else, and I looked at some of his wedding pics on FB. I didn't feel a thing. He just looked like some guy I used to know. I never thought I would see the day that I could say that, but it happened. I guess looking at the pics means I broke NC, but I honestly don't even think of it as NC anymore. I'm just living life right now, free and unburdened by him.

 

 

bought you a ring and didn't give it to you; but you knew it too...

hmmm, that is just cruel--- like putting a bowl of food out for a dog that is hungry and locked behind a fence and can't get to it.

so sorry ...

but, I am glad you are free and no longer burdened ..

may I ask? are you here to offer support to others with broken hearts or still working through the emotions about your R and the BU?

 

I completely relate to the anger of your ex not holding up his end with the commitment. I dealt with a lot of anger over him not fulfilling what he promised me. In the end, even though I was glad to be rid of him, I was still angry that he had betrayed me that way. He promised me something, but he never came through. It seemed like the principle of the thing. You'll probably feel angry for awhile over that idea that you were cheated out of something.

 

yup, and in some ways,... it leave me asking about his commitment to begin with.... certainly didn't uphold a promise ...

seems though, my anger is on the lower level of emotions... there is much more hurt, sadness and hopelessness.

 

thanks for caring BC1980